ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: THREE GARLIC SICHUAN TRASHUMMUS (Patreon)

Did you know hummus is Latin for dirt?

It’s true.

I can’t fully explain how my friend and I unhinged our actual jaws to inhale this on any substrate we could dig up. But that is also true. And yes, you have to take the bean-condoms off first. If you know what’s up with hummus you already know what I mean.

Is it a traditional hummus? No. Is life short and without law? Obviously yes.

It is…the good dirt.

I will not further delay the recipe. I hear the internet hates that.

Ingredients

1 can garbanzo beans

2 tablespoons tahini

2 tablespoons crushed jarlic (garlic in a jar)

2 cloves raw garlic

1 teaspoon black garlic paste

2 tablespoons lemon juice (or more to taste)

Zest of one lemon

1 teaspoon Sichuan peppercorns, crushed

1 teaspoon sumac

1/2 teaspoon cayenne

A few shakes of Maggi

1/4 cup olive oil

2 tablespoons Sichuan chili oil

Salt and pepper to taste

J O E -U S D I R T

Lay beans out between two paper towels and ruin roughly until skins start to come loose. Remove all bean-condoms with much annoyance.

Put everything else in the food processor, retaining 1 tablespoon of jarlic and one of oil for finishing. Blend until smooth and creamy.

Put dollop of crushed jarlic, a drizzle of Sichuan oil, and a sprinkling of sumac, cumin, and a bit of fresh parsley to finish. Additional squeeze of lemon optional.

Unhinge jaw.