ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: Little and Big Caramel-Apple Pies with Pistachio Streusel (Patreon)

SO.

Bastian's school is called Peaks Island Elementary School, which is abbreviated PIES, and everyone calls it that. They have a big fundraiser around Thanksgiving called PIES FOR PIES. Parents make a bunch of pies and people all around can buy them and claim them and pick them up Thanksgiving morning.

SO CUTE LAKE WOEBEGON WOULD BARF RIGHT?

Well, the rule is supposed to be just plain pumpkin or apple but I can't do plain or I will literally die, so I cleared permission for a teeny bit of funky experimentation and lord, I don't even really like apple pie at all but this shit was bee ay en ay en ay ess. 

There's a little and big version because I had enough streusel left over for a pot-pie version...but no pie dough left. So I made a little more of the streusel mix with extra butter and flour and lined the bottom of a bowl with that as crust, then the apples, then the top-crust. Honestly, I think that turned out better than the big pie! It all baked down together into kind of an apple-streusel sandwich where all the flavors went up and down the whole dessert rather than stopping at the neutral crust. Ice cream on top and it was truly special, which is saying something for apple pie.

I was SO TORN about which version to post for the recipe that I figured I'd just do both.

The only thing that takes any real time at all is peeling, coring, and chopping the apples. there's no real way to avoid that, but everything else comes together in minutes. 

Note: when you put all the apples into the crust, it's gonna feel like WAY too many apples. It's gonna feel like this won't work, the APPLE ZIGGURAT is too high, it'll never all stay on there with crumbly stuff on top.

Use all the apples. Promise. Yeah it's a wobbly tower of apple babel going into the oven, but the apples cook down and condense, and when you take it out to cool, it'll all slowly settle down into a jammy creamy caramelly interior that, believe it or not, will end up flat and even with the crust line. I was SURE I'd overstuffed it and some poor bastard would be getting a bowl of apple trash, but in the end, once it had cooled, I'd almost not used enough.

As with most pies, you could do this with almost any fruit, as long as you're careful about the liquid ratio. But things like apple and pear and even peach do a lot better with caramel than red berries, so think fall. 

Oh! And you CAN make a quickie caramel sauce (there's even a recipe for one on this Patreon if you use the tags to scroll through the food posts!) and drizzle it over the top, but I for one can't be arsed, and also I love the not-too-sickly-sweet factor here way too much to...uh...overturn the...wait for it...apple cart. NAILED IT.

Ingredients for the APPLEY INNARDS:

6-7 tart apples, peeled, cored, and chopped into 3/4 inch chonks

1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice

3 tablespoons flour

3 tablespoons brown sugar

2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

1/4 teaspoon ground allspice

1/8 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon maple syrup

1 tablespoon heavy cream

Ingredients for the CRUMBLY HAT:

1/2 cup old fashioned oats

1/2 cup flour

1/3 cup brown sugar

1/3-1/2 cup pistachios (to taste, you all know my answer is always more)

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 cup cold butter, cubed

You will also need one regular pie shell, be it storebought or make your own, I don't know your life.

How Dost Ye Favor Them Apples?

Pre-heat oven to 350. 

Roll out pie crust and line a pie plate with it, crimping the sides as you prefer. Set aside.

Peel and core and chop allllll the apples, put them in a large bowl, add all other filling ingredients, then stir until every piece is coated. 

Lay pistachios on a cutting board and run them over with a pie roller a few times to break them up. You do NOT want huge pistachio pieces, they will burn before the rest is done. the pieces should be small shards that will crunch when you eat them, but not dust.

While the apples release some of their liquid, combine streusel ingredients in a second bowl. (Hint: you can melt the butter in the microwave if you want a more "brown butter" flavor to the crumbly hat!). Oats first, then sugars, spices, nuts, and butter last. Stir with a fork until it comes together in a loose clumpy mixture with no dry oats. ALL MY HOMIES HATE DRY OATS.

Carefully fill pie shell with the apple chunks, remembering that Cat said it will feel like way too much. Do your best to keep it all together, I believe in you. Arrange streusel topping over the top, covering as much of the apples as you can.

Bake for 45-55 minutes. The brown sugar, cream, and flour will make its own caramel as it bakes. 

Allow to cool almost completely before serving to get that slow, satisfying settling into a perfect pie with a jammy filling and crunchy crust. 

To make the Little Version: Everything should stay the same (will make 4-6 servings depending on the size of your ramekins/baking bowls) except you don't need the bottom crust. 

After you've made the streusel crust, divide it in half. To one half, add two more tablespoons of flour and another half-inch square of butter. Line the bottoms of 4-6 ramekins or oven-safe bowls or even mugs with this half, spoon apple mixture on top, evenly distributing apples among the bowls like you remember what equality and justice mean. Top with the Original Recipe half to the streusel and bake as before--but this time start checking after 35 minutes to make sure it doesn't burn. They're done when the top is a crispy deep golden brown and you can see the apple and caramel bubbling up beneath.

Serve with ice cream. It's a moral imperative.