ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: Superhero Waffles! (Patreon)

Superhero Waffles

I am so FUCKING proud of myself right now, you guys.

I feel SMUG. I feel BRILLIANT. I feel vindicated. I feel like a goddamned GENIUS.

You see, like most Smol People, my Smol Person of three and a half years is a fairly picky eater. And he does not like vegetables.

But what he does like? And always has since he first started gumming solid food? Is WAFFLES.

This kid will happily eat you out of Waffle House (ha!) and Waffle Home. Nor will he deign to touch regular normal waffles. Since he was about a year old, it can only be whole grain. Whole grain with blueberries at the MOST. No syrup or butter. If you give him an Eggo, he will sob NO, I NEED THA REEEEAL WAFFLES! THE BROWN ONES!

My wonderful mother in law got me a new waffle maker for Christmas, and he loves making homemade waffles as well. And he really needs to be getting some greens and other veggies into him! So I thoughts to myself, I thought: if it’s brown and waffle-shaped, he might not notice if it wasn’t precisely exactly his usual waffle. And if I hype it up a little, call them superwaffles or something, because they make you grow, I could maybe pull this off.

I tried superwaffles. No interest. Superduperwaffles. Nope. Special waffles? Meh.

He asked politely if he could have Superhero Waffles. YOU GOT IT, DUDE. They make you grow strong, after all!

It’s me. I’m the superhero.

Because OH MY GOD IT WORKED. I am including picture evidence! He DEVOURED 75% of a full adult-sized waffle and never once complained, despite having informed me at the shop that day that he would NEVER EVER eat a red pepper because they are GROSS, he ate waffles that had roasted red pepper and SPINACH in them. HE ATE SPINACH AND HE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW! MWA HA HA HA!

So now I share this recipe with you. It is ALSO just incredibly tasty. One of these bad boiz is a meal in and of itself. And a great commute-friendly food! If I were making this for adult folk who take less trickery to eat veggies, I would probably double the pepper and spinach amounts and sauteed jalapenos, throw some garlic in with the peppers in the roasting stage, and serve it with a fried egg and caramelized onions on top, but they’re fabulous as is. You could substitute more or less any protein or vegetable that you can cut up very small so they don’t stick out all over the waffle. This makes a big batch, about 8-10 thicc af waffles, so cut it in half if you’re only serving two people, or make them all and toast in the morning!

I feel like I WON. And I did, I won the battle of wills with my child through RANK WAFFLE DECEPTION.

A Waffle By Any Other Name

1.5 cups flour

1 cup yellow cornmeal

2.5 teaspoons sugar

2 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

.5 tsp black pepper

2 cups buttermilk

2 eggs

6 tblsp melted butter

Grab a bottle of squeezable honey and have it on standby, this will make sense in a minute

Fillings:

1/2 cup finely shredded spinach or other greens, more to taste if you like

8-10 basil leaves, sliced very fine

1/2 large red pepper, roasted and sliced fine

4-6 pieces of prepared bacon cut into small pieces (I used for for the little guy, I would use more just for myself)

1/3 cup creamed corn

Either 1/4 cup shredded extra sharp cheddar (if you’re making them for children) OR 1 cup shredded extra sharp cheddar (if you’re making them for adults who can hold their cheese)

Vegetables: Shantay You Stay

Y’all know how to make bacon, so…do that. Set aside and break into pieces when cool.

Slice pepper in half and de-stem and seed. Place cut-side down on a baking sheet, drizzle olive oil on top, season with salt and pepper, and roast at 375 until the skin blisters and chars, about 45 minutes. Remove and allow to cool with the bacon before slicing into thin strips. I only used half this time so as not to tempt the wrath of the toddler gods, I would probably use 3/4 or all of it next time.

Whisk dry waffle ingredients together in a large bowl. Whisk buttermilk and eggs together in a smaller bowl, then fold into the dry ingredients. Add butter and fillings and stir until JUST combined. Lumps and shaggy bits are great, you don’t want a completely smooth batter.

Heat up your waffle maker and brush with olive oil or butter, whatever you prefer. Then scoop about 1/2 cup batter into the well (I found more overflowed and less made a thin waffle, but you can vary the amount as you would with any other waffle) and give it a small swirl of honey from the bottle before closing the lid. Cook until your waffle maker says its done and that’s it!

Split into four these fit nicely in a toaster the next morning. An egg on top absolutely makes it, but the child won’t stand for that, so it’ll be our secret.

I AM SO DANG CHUFFED I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT HIM TO EAT SPINACH I AM GONNA HIDE SO MANY THINGS IN WAFFLES! 

The level of triumph I feel right now...

Talk about it on the Discord server! (Link is an invite)