ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: Peach and Honey-Brandy Cheese Pastry Pocketsquares with Fresh Thyme (Patreon)

Peach and Honey-Brandy Cheese Pastry Pocketsquares with Fresh Thyme

These are so easy yet so impressive-looking I can’t even express to you the size of the BIG BAMBOOZLE here. With zero skill, you can look like you’re ready for the Great British Bakeoff and your motherfucking Hollywood handshake.

I’m pretty into the whole make it simple, use pre-made ingredients creatively right now, because back injury and deadlines make hours in the kitchen, no matter how much I might enjoy those hours, very difficult and inadvisable. Feeling so low I can barely allcaps, tbh.

This glory I’m about to lob down your gullet takes slightly more than five but less than ten minutes of work on your part, and destroys most everything in the thrice-cursed Starbucks display case.

Now, fresh peaches are obviously ideal. I really like leaving the skin on to give a little depth and texture to the sweet goo. But I have lived in New England and away from California long enough to have internalized a rudely short stonefruit season and I’m aware you can’t always get fresh peaches that don’t taste like ennui.

If peaches are a little unripe or out of season, use them anyway. Sprinkle a little turbinado (regular is also fine) sugar on top and they should sweeten up in the oven.

If they’re looking sad and confused at the store and it’s a long way from in season, canned or frozen CAN work. They won’t taste quite as deep and rich, but they’ll be peachy enough. Pat them as dry as you can before assembling.

The good news is, this recipe can work with just about any fruit you like that can hold its shape. Some take a little pre-treatment (you’d want to pre-bake your apple slices so they cook all the way through before the pastry burns, for example) but anything should work. If you have questions about a specific FROOT substitution, ask me in the comments and I’ll tell you how to handle it.

LET’S BAMBOOZLE!

Ingredients (makes 8, adjust accordingly)

One package puff pastry because fuck making your own

1-2 ripe or slightly unripe peaches

1 8 oz package cream cheese

1 tablespoon brandy

1-2 tablespoons honey (depending on the size of your sweet tooth)

3 sprigs of fresh thyme per pastry

1 egg

Pinch of sugar

Making Your Pocket Square

Take puff pastry out of the freezer to defrost a couple of hours before you start so it’s pliable.

Pre-heat oven to 400. Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper.

Slice peaches into 1/2 inch thick crescents. Not so thin they’re flimsy and you can see through them, but not super thick.

In a mixing bowl, combine brandy, cream cheese, and 1 tablespoon of honey. Taste—it should taste like a slightly-less-sweet-than-storebought cheesecake. Add more honey if you want it sweeter.

Quickly whisk egg with a generous pinch of sugar in a mug or small bowl and find your pastry brush wherever it fucked off to.

Time to assemble!

Roll out puff pastry sheets until they’ve increased in size by about a quarter but are still sturdy enough to work with. Slice each sheet into four equal squares.

Take one square and turn it on its side so it’s a diamond rather than a square and the bottom point points toward you.

Smear a layer of cream cheese (of your preferred thickness NO JUDGMENT) in the center of the diamond, making sure it goes all the way up to the top of the diamond, leaving a small border of pastry. The cheese will not expand in the oven.

Arrange 3-4 peach slices on top of the cheese, positioning them in the upper half of the diamond so that their tips come just shy of the edges of the pastry and their bottoms reach well into the lower half of the diamond.

Arrange thyme sprigs on top of the peaches in the same way.

Fold the bottom corner of the diamond up so that the tip sticks in the center of the filling, Brush that corner with a light layer of the egg wash. Fold the side corners of the diamond into the center as well, using the wash to make the corners stick together.

Carefully shift the pocketsquares to the baking sheet (you can also assemble them on the parchment paper) and brush all the surface of the pastry with the sugared egg wash without getting any on the filling.

Bake at 400 for 20-30 minutes, but check after 20. The pastry should be puffed up and golden brown. Keep going if it’s not quite there yet. Ovens vary so much these days, it’s honestly crazy.

Accept the quiet awe of your household.