ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: The Stuff (Patreon)

The Stuff

Look, I know I’m a “professional writer” or whatever but words are hard. I don’t know what to call this thing I’ve been making pretty regularly for the last couple of months. It wasn’t even supposed to be what it is now. I originally made it with just a pre-packaged marinade and it tasted pretty gross, then I plopped it in a pan and added whatever I could find to fix it and it became AMAZEBALLS and now I make it all the time but I just keep calling it The Stuff.

Because I kind of invented it? But it’s not easy to explain how it tastes except good? And it’s not exactly HIGH-END FANCY-ASS COOKERY what Gordon Ramsey would refrain from yelling about. The ingredients are pretty much all pre-made or canned and the prep method is little more than: dump in thingy, make thingy hot, wait. It’s dumb but delicious and that means I GET TO SHARE IT WITH YOU because if you’re reading this you already kind of accept that I am two parts fancy bitch to one part total trash and it’s not like this is some kind of hipster food blog where every ingredient has to be a locally-sourced, small batch, gently-disciplined, emotionally-validated, you-can-only-get-it-at-this-one-shop-in-Deepest-Brooklyn cure for depression AND capitalism.

I also recognize that it might not photograph as well as some other dishes THIS ISN’T GLAMOUR SHOTS FOR FOOD.

So I am ashamed of The Stuff?

But I am also proud of The Stuff?

SHUT UP, YOU COW, WHAT IS THE STUFF?

I guess it’s kind of like Shawarma Stew? But it also kind of tripped and got thai curry all over its nice new top? And then really got into it with some nice noodle-house ramen and told it its kids suck? I don’t know. It’s just hot and filling and yummy with a pretty unique spice profile and creamy coconut milk and it’s CRAZY easy and fast if you have a pressure cooker, but if you don’t, you can do it in a regular crock pot or braise it on the stovetop for a couple of hours, it just takes way longer and makes more of a mess did I mention you should get a pressure cooker because they are amazing?

I’ve included a photograph of all the pre-packaged items I use. you don’t have to use these brands, obviously, and if you want to be BETTER THAN ME you could make your own spice/oil marinade and butternut squash soup and everything, but like…you could also not and save yourself time. It’s also highly modular—this is the base but anything you put in ramen you could put over the top, soft boiled egg, greens, pork belly, veggies, pickled ginger, cilantro, whatever. A squeeze of lime to finish never goes wrong.

JUST MAKE IT YOU WILL LIKE IT TRUST ME I HAVE A GOLDEN RETRIEVER (I don’t but I used to IT’S AN OLD COMMERCIAL REFERENCE SCREW IT LET’S GET ON TO THE BUSINESS)

INGREDIENTS FOR YOUR NERVE

4-6 skin and bone-on chicken thighs

1 package Wild Garden Chicken Shwarama Marinade

1/2 cup Trader Joe’s butternut squash soup (or whatever other brand you like, TJ’s is super creamy and blends very well, though

1 can diced tomatoes with juice

1 can lite coconut milk (unless you want to live a full and meaningful life, in which case, fuck the lite part)

1/4 cup heavy cream

1-2 tablespoon corn starch

1 teaspoon brown sugar

1 tablespoon crushed peanuts or chunky peanut butter

1 lime wedge per bowl (optional)

If you want it spicy: teaspoon of sriracha or two-three thai chilis, chopped fine, with seeds

Noodles—any kind, however much you want. (I like to use chinese egg noodles, but this works well with ramen, hokkein, udon, even just plain linguini or angel hair. As long as it’s long and thin, it’s in)

METHOD ACTING

Pat chicken thighs dry with a paper towel. Lightly salt and pepper on both sides.

Set pressure cooker to “saute” with a tablespoon or so of oil in to bottom.

Place thighs in cooker, skin side down, and fry until skin turns nice and golden brown. Turn thighs over.

Literally just dump the marinade, soup, tomatoes, peanuts, brown sugar, sriracha or chilis, put the lid on, set to high pressure for 25 minutes. (I let pressure release naturally for 10 minutes afterward then pop the release, you can pop it right away if you prefer that, it doesn’t make a difference)

Cook noodles according to packet instructions while it cooks.

When chicken is done, turn off pressure cooker completely and remove the lid. Being careful not to burn your fingies, remove skin and bones from thighs, discard, and shred remaining meat in the goop. Add coconut milk and turn cooker back to saute. Let it bubble and reduce for 7-9 minutes, then turn off. Mix corntarch with a small amount of cold water and add to thicken to desired consitency. Let stand with heat off for ten minutes. It should be gravy-like, like a curry or paprikash. Not soup but not gloppy stew either.

Put noodles in bowls and ladle The Stuff over the top so that you can get the noodle-to-goop ratio you like. Finish with lime, black pepper, and cilantro or other toppings and serve.

Then try to explain what it is to a stranger without using the words “It’s just this stuff, you know?”