ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: Better Than Takeout Beef Penang Curry (Patreon)

Faster Than Takeout, Better Than It Has Any Right to Be: Beef Penang Curry

Unlike most of America, I have had no access to takeout anything except some seriously dubious pizza since the start of the epidemic. I live on a Lonely Island in a Lonely Sea, and nobody delivers to this Stephen King set piece, AS WELL THEY SHOULD NOT. 

So I have been longing for the kind of thing I can get in cities, the kind where the sauce oozes out of the box and you don’t have to put any effort into it but it’s amazing anyway. And a lot of the time, for us, that’s Thai. 

I started thinking about my homemade Penang curry, which has always been good, it’s been FINE, but never a patch on the restaurant dish. I poked around the internet and found this video, which showed me a lot of what I was doing wrong—especially that storebought curry paste doesn’t actually contain two of the major flavor profile ingredients of Penang curry, peanuts and shrimp, because like EVERYBODY EVER is allergic to those. 

Reader, I made it. And Reader, not only is is absolutely just as good, and PROBABLY BETTER, than any takeout Thai I’ve ever had, it’s READY IN 20 MINUTES MY FRIENDS. Faster than any delivery service. It’s ready so fast, it’s a race to get the sauce and meat done before the rice finishes cooking. It’s perfect, it’s beautiful, it looks like Linda Evangelista, it’s a model.

And now I share it with you.

AS ALWAYS I HAVE ALTERED THE OG RECIPE BECAUSE I’M A LONER, DOTTY, A REBEL. The video recipe is very authentic, but I wanted the saucier restaurant-y version that I’ve come to love. I also used shaved beef instead of sirloin because it cooks SO FAST and is always soft and tender so you don’t have to worry about getting a stir fried steak slice to not be rubbery or tough. 

Unfortunately, keffir lime leaves and shrimp paste are pretty necessary ingredients here. But you can get them online or at any Asian grocery easily.

May I also recommend saving some of the sauce/meat mixture and putting it on toast with a fried egg on top for breakfast? OF COURSE I MAY I RUN THIS JOINT.

Makes: A LOT. This is even better the next day so this is sized to create leftovers.

Ingredients

1 pound shaved beef* (usually that’s two packages at the store. Ask the counter if  they don’t have it in the case)

1½ tsp fish sauce

2 tsp oil

2 cans coconut milk, 1 lite, 1 regular (or both regular if you straight up dgaf about  calories, both lite if you g a lot of f about calories)

1 can Penang curry paste

1 tblsp peanut butter

1/2 tsp shrimp paste

10 kaffir lime leaves, cut VERY fine. (There is not much cooking time here, so any  large pieces will still be hard and sharp)

1 tsp fish sauce (to taste)

1½ Tbsp brown or palm sugar

Zest of one lime

Juice of half a lime

2 thai chilis, 1 if you’re not nasty, Ms. Jackson

Chopped fresh cilantro to taste (I like a lot, so my taste is probably not yours)

Jasmine rice for serving

DOO THE GOO

Set your rice cooking using your preferred method. 

Pour 1.5 tsp fish sauce and oil over beef in a large bowl. Combine with your hands, separating the beef as you go.

In a pan or wok over medium heat, reduce regular can of coconut milk until thickened. 

Add curry paste, shrimp paste, peanut butter, and chilis and reduce heat to medium low. Scrape together until combined and fragrant, when the coconut oil begins to separate from the paste. If it gets too thick, add a little water swirled in the can to get the remnants. 

Add lime leaves, lime zest, and sugar and stir until sugar is dissolved.

Add beef and cook until meat is 50% done, making sure every bit is coated in curry/coconut mixture. Add the rest of the coconut milk and any veggies you might like to include, let simmer for a minute or two until all are combined. If it looks too watery, add 2 tsp cornstarch dissolved in a bit of cold water and it’ll thicken right up to that just-delivered consistency.

Turn off heat. Taste, add rest of fish sauce if necessary.

Add chopped cilantro and lime juice, stir. Let sit 5-10 minutes.

Serve over rice in paper bowls to duplicate that “not doing the dishes tonight bb” takeout energy. Garnish with cilantro and a bit of keffir lime dust from your cutting board. Though it is wildly inauthentic, we also like to throw a few cashews on top for crunch.

Inhale, feel EXTREMELY proud of yourself, do not get Covid from mysterious delivery meals, and have SO MUCH EVENING LEFT because this is the fastest show-off meal I’ve EVER found.

*You can make this with any meat, as the restaurants do. If you use chicken, make sure it’s thighs or leg meat, cut it in small strips. Duck and fish should be roasted separately and added at the end to maintain crispy skin.