ALLCAPS COOKBOOK: CAKE SHAAAKE (Patreon)

CAKE SHAKE MISTAAAAKE

It’s only a mistake if you ate literally anything else that day. Or have issues with dairy. Or conspicuous consumption.

I’m not gonna say I invented this because I didn’t. There’s restaurants and such that serve it. My chef brother took a look at a cake I made and said: you should blend that shit up with ice cream and only afterward did I hear standups talking about someplace in Chicago that makes them or whatever.

But I made it in my HOUSE and I put ALCOHOL in it and I SUFFERED the next day because I am what? FORTY. So THERE.

Also so NOW YOU KNOW what happened to my son’s first birthday cake that he refused to smash. 

I did not refuse to smash.

So look I mean I’m not proud but it’s fucking great and here it is. Vary ice cream and cake flavors as you like. I think a Christmas version with chocolate cake and peppermint ice cream or gingerbread cake and pumpkin ice cream would be COMPLETELY AMAZEBALLS. Orange spice cake with butter pecan ice cream? OH MY GOD. 

This is just the BASE OF A CAKE, as Joan Cusack would say.

Ingredients:

1 FAT SLICE OF CHOCO CAKE PREPARED EARLIER

2 FAT SCOOPS VANILLA ICE CREAM

8-10 (FAT) ICE CUBES

1 FAT SHOT OF VODKA (Optional—and I’d swap to dark spiced rum for gingerbread, white rum for orange spice versions)

Skinny dash of nutmeg

Teensy weensy pinch salt

Optional: Teaspoon raspberry jam (or other flavor—cranberry for the gingerbread version, for example) 

A FAT BLENDER

Process:

HA HA YOU THOUGHT THERE WAS A PROCESS.

Ok there is a process.

What you want is to have a nice thick milkshake without totally pulverizing the cake into oblivion so you get little chunks which are the best part. If the cake is completely liquefied it’s just a chocolate milkshake with extra calories and not very exciting, see? So put in everything BUT the cake and blend on medium until the ice cubes are only knocking a little bit. Then add the cake and pulse JUST until incorporated into the rest of the batter milkshake.

Serve with a LARGE BARREL straw and a thin slice of the cake as garnish.

GET HAPPY.