February Recipe: The Perfect Cheer. Er. Sandwich. (Patreon)

ALLCAPS COOKBOOK: The Best of All Possible Sandwiches

All right, hungry, hungry hipsters, this one is a request from Twitter.

You see, quite by accident, whilst bumbling aorund the kitchen making Heath’s lunch for the next day’s audiobook recording, I happened to make the BEST SANDWICH OF ALL TIME.

I’m not trying to be a dick, or say I’m the greatest cook or sandwich maker or whatever. Sometimes greatness just happens to you. It’s a legitimately unparalled sandwich. I didn’t do it on purpose, it was simply THRUST UPON ME. 

It’s sort of like a Banh Mi but not really?

Naturally, I posted pics to Twitter and suggested the sandwich be nominated for the Hugo for Best Related Work. It’s just THAT good. And I’m not just tooting my own burnished horn here. Heath texted me from the recording booth to say WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU PUT IN THAT SANDWICH WHY DOES IT TASTE LIKE THAT HOW? But, you know, in a good way.

I was thence asked for the recipe. 

Which is normally fairly easy for sandwiches? GET SOME BREAD PUT STUFF IN IT PUT IN FACE. But this sandwich happened to include several homemade ingredients that I often (though not always, I’m not trying to be Julia Child up in this nonsense) have in bulk in the fridge, and not purchasable in stores except in their disparate parts. 

Which means…this is gonna have to be a FOUR-FER. That’s right, four recipes in one. 

I give to you, Patreon, possibly my greatest and most meaningful work: The Sandwich.

The DIY Components you will have to have on hand are: curry braised chicken, sambal olek and lime aioli, and home-pickled carrots and radishes. 

LET’S START ASSEMBLING HEAVEN ON EARTH.

The Sandwich

As many ciabatta rolls as sandwiches you intend to make (YES I KNOW that's not ciabatta up there in the image, that pic was taken of my Second Making of the Sandwich, and I only had two ciabatta loaves. You can use other breads, I just think the texture of ciabatta works best for this. Baguette is fine, too.)

Sambal olek and lime aioli

Pickled Jalapenos

Curry braised chicken

Pea shoots

Cilantro (optional)

Home-pickled carrots and radishes

As many eggs as sandwiches you intend to make

Salt and pepper to taste

Black and white sesame seeds

Optional: 2 cooked bacon slices per sandwich (I used British bacon, which is basically thinly sliced pork loin. DANGER WILL ROBINSON I DO NOT THINK AMERICAN BACON WOULD WORK WITH THIS IT IS TOO SALTY but you can try if you want.)

This is the easy part. Fry bacon, if you’re baconning. Split and toast ciabattas lightly. While toasting, fry eggs lightly in sesame oil (olive oil in a pinch IF YOU MUST GEEZ) until they are however runny you like them BUT COME ON YOU ALL KNOW THE RIGHT WAY IS PRETTY RUNNY SO IT OOZES OUT ALL PERFECT AND AWESOME.

Apply ingredients to bread in order above, squish sandwiches together, cut in half, serve.

LET’S ROLL IT BACK A LITTLE THOUGH SHALL WE HOW YOU GONNA MAKE THAT CHICKEN GIRL

So I actually pretty usually have a big thing of braised chicken breasts in the fridge for easy protein during the week. I buy a big tray of inexpensive breast meat and do what I’m about to tell you to do to them and it’s easier than having a roaster you have to cut stuff off of all the time. And this recipe is one of those recipes that isn’t REMOTELY a recipe because it’s LEGIT WHATEVER I HAVE ON HAND that goes into the pot. So almost any ingredient in the following list can be changed to something else generally in that same Category of Thingness and it’ll come out. 

If you don’t know how to braise things HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTTS because it’s awesome and I’m about to transform your cooking. If you already do you will NOT BE THAT IMPRESSED. 

Braising turns boring meat into fabulous moist flavorful beautiful magic meat. For people who work at home like me, it’s especially nice as you can just set it going and walk away to have an anxiety attack about your deadlines for a few hours THAT’S TOTES NEVER HAPPENED TO ME I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY I SAID IT. 

So! Here we go! Powerful Protein for Prosemaking Professionals!

Braised Chicken

A bunch of chicken breasts (I don’t know how many, HOW MANY YOU GOT. However many fit in a big, deep pan.)

A fruit juice (I almost always use orange and then whatever else is in the fridge. NOT GONNA LIE, some prune juice went into the original Epic Sandwich batch. Pineapple, pomegranate, ginger ale (WHAT IT’S GINGER JUICE), white grape, whatever you like to drink gets tipped in. Original Recipe was Orange Juice, a little bit of Prune Juice, and a dash of Angostura Bitters)

Salt and pepper to taste

1-2 tblsp curry powder

Big squeeze sriracha

1-2 teaspoons cayenne pepper

1 tblsp cumin

3 cloves garlic, minced

Other Stuff: I usually put in a couple dollops of whatever condiments I’m digging at the moment, maybe some mustard, maybe some muhammah, maybe some szechuan chili paste or chimichurri, or some shredded coconut, orange slices, lemon slices, ginger, get adventurous! Or don’t, if you skip the Other Stuff section it will be fine

Fry chicken breasts on a large, deep pan until they turn golden brown, flip, then do the same to the other side. The browner and goldener you get them at this stage, without burning them OBVI, the better, GOTTA GET DAT MAILLARD REACTION YO. 

Cover meat with liquid. Now, normally, I eyeball the FUCK out of this, I do not measure. I’m gonna try to be more precise for you guys, though. I use orange juice as my base, so I probably fill half the pan with OJ. Then half cup each of any other juices, unless it’s pineapple, then a full cup because it’s delicious AF. 

This won’t fill the pan, use water to make up the difference, and add the spices. (Side note: anything carbonated is pretty great, the bubbles break the meat down and make it softer. I have fully done this with cheap champagne. You literally can’t fuck up braising, it can defeat even the most bumbling cook. Whatever you use will taste great. Beer is awesome. Even a bit of Coke is aces. It’s magic.)

Bring to a boil, then lower to lowest heat and WALK THE CRAP AWAY, MY DUDES.

Seriously, just let it simmer, uncovered, for about two hours. Check on it occasionally to make sure the liquid isn’t getting too low, top up with more juice or water if it does.

After two hours, there should still be about half to a third of the liquid left in the pan. Use the edge of a spatula to break up the meat. It should come apart pretty easily. Increase to medium heat and cook another half an hour, roughly, monitoring to make sure it doesn’t all burn off and leave the pan dry. When it’s almost all evaporated, increase the heat again and stir while shredding with the spatula (at this point the chicken should be so so soft) until the meat fries in the last of its juices and turns a little brown on the bottom.

Done!

Pickled Carrots and Radishes

DEAD EASY. 

2-3 large carrots 

5-6 radishes

2 tblsp rice vinegar 

1/8 cup sugar

The way I like to do this that no one else does because it take a little more time, is to peel the bitter carrot skin off and THEN JUST KEEP GOING. I peel the carrots down to nothing in long ribbons, pefect for stacking on a sandwich, also looks all chic like you care about presentation and all that.

Thinly slice radishes, then cut slices in half.

Put all the veggies in a bowl, pour in vinegar and sugar, toss to coat, and set aside for 30 minutes, tossing occasionally to the good stuff from collecting at the bottom. 

HOW EASY? SO.

Sambal Olek Aioli

Ok, so we all know aioli is Fancy Gent for mayonnaise, right? Good. Don’t blink or you’ll miss the entire process for this, it’s just that fast.

1/3 cup mayonnaise

3 tblsp sambal olek chili paste (2 if you don’t like spice and also why do you not like good things?)

Juice of 1 half lime

Pinch lime zest

1 garlic clove, minced

Put it all in a bowl. 

WHIP IT.

WHIP IT GOOD. 

YOU MUST WHIP IT.

YOU ARE NOW FINISHED.

Return to original recipe and enter Sandwich Valhalla!