May Rewardsapalooza All Up In Yr Face! (Patreon)

Hello everyone. I am Cat. I have returned from a small hell of deadline, jetlag, and incredibly sick Maine Coon. 

Directly upon returning from France, we discovered my cat October on the verge of organ failure due to starving and dehydrating herself because of anxiety and depression, which in her seven years she's never shown before. We suspect it has to do with the presence of Lumen, whose existence October would like to point out she never approved in the first place. It has been harrowing in a way I can hardly describe. You haven't lived till you've checked an animal's gums every day hoping for the slightest tinge of pink.

I honestly feel like I've been stuck at the bottom of the ocean. An ocean that reeks of mushed-up cat food/broth gruel non-consensually injected down the gullet of a very annoyed and very large and very stubborn cat swaddled in an anxiety towel onto which she spits up that gruel and she DEFINITELY doesn't get any on me, ever. It's like having the furriest, weirdest baby, only the baby just glares at you as if to psychically communicate the phrase THIS IS YOUR PUNISHMENT FOR LEAVING ME HOPE YOU LIKED FRANCE MUM, YOU JERK over and over.

Also I think my sense of smell is permanently damaged. All I smell is Beef Feast in Gravy.

Honestly, she's still not better. I'm trying to put a good face on it, but until her anemia has subsided enough for bloodwork we won't know the extent of the damage. It can take up to 12 weeks to recover from this sort of thing, apparently. She's still not eating by herself. We still can't leave the house because she might think she's alone and start starving/dehydrating herself again. Still have to try to write with one soothing hand on the cat because the vet said not to stop petting her until she stops being depressed. 

Nobody pets me till I stop being depressed. They always stop after like five minutes to go to work or eat dinner or whatever. GEEZ. To be fair, I do not have shiny fur.

I have actually completely lost track of time and days--all that exists is the timer that goes off for another feeding. This is shown most clearly by the fact that I was walking around the house this morning chirping about how when I finished the book tonight I was going to do Patreon Things and get the last of the garden in and actually read someone else's book this week, and Heath had to gentle remind me that, in fact, I am going to New York on Wednesday for BEA. 

Oh. Time still linear then? Still proceeding at one second per second? I...hadn't heard. News to me.

I AM THEREFORE BEHIND ON ALL THE THINGS.

But like Boxer says, I will work harder.

Therefore, May's Q&A/Google Hangout will commence tomorrow 5/30 at 8:30pm EST, to give people a chance to get home from work. You can sign in anytime if your commute takes a bit longer. 

I am available for writing dates today and tomorrow and Wednesday night as well, please contact me to schedule! I've been trying to message you guys!

Directly after the Q&A tomorrow night, I will be live-tweeting My Little Pony!

And the experiment will go up on Wednesday, along with TWO recipes, one for my now-famous Yorkshire Puddings, and one for Coq Au Vin. 

JUNE WILL BE BETTER. I will have some exclusive little treats to post to make up for being such a failure at everything that wasn't Space Opera or a half-dead cat, including...gulp...a couple of pieces of juvenalia for you all to laugh at, and an excerpt of the new Bronte book no one outside of the Simon & Schuster offices and the Laboratory has seen yet.

So bear with me, May was, as my cousin once said during a game of Catchphrase in order to get us to guess "basket case", a woven shitshow. But I can get back to normalcy now, and all will be well. 

Time to squirt meat-gruel down Toby's throat again. I think she enjoys standing between me and the rest of my life. CHOP CHOP, HUMAN SENESCHAL, IT IS TIME FOR PRINCESS PANTALOONS TO RECEIVE HER ROYAL ABLUTIONS ALSO IF THAT'S CHICKEN FLAVOR I'M GONNA HORK IT BACK IN YOUR FACE. ALL SHALL FEED ME AND DESPAIR.

I love her so much, you guys.