Halloween Heinie Heist (Patreon)

Author's Note: This story is based off a pic that will be posted to DA and FA right after I posted this story. CM drew the pic this is based off of and is featured in the story! This story is also Halloween-adjacent, but not particularly spooky-themed. So you don't have to worry about getting spooked!

The Story:

The perfect Halloween costume does not exist, for it is impossible to get a costume absolutely everyone loves. After all, at the end of the day a costume is just a costume. However, what if your Halloween costume was someone else's body? Truly, this would be the closest thing to a "perfect costume" as one could get. Two friends planned to steal these "costumes" for themselves, no matter the cost...

It all started one cold October's night, Jam and CM were sitting inside the monkey’s tree-mounted lab relaxing. Jam was a tiny and very smelly monkey-scientist, while CM was a buff fully-clothed anthropomorphic pony. Jam sighed, "I can't believe we both forgot to get Halloween costumes!"

CM shrugged his shoulders, "To be fair, it is a busy season this time of year! I was tied up with getting all the Halloween decorations for my house, and you were busy swapping bodies with jack-o-lanterns and demons. Oh well, there are alternatives!"

Jam nodded and gulped, "Looks like we're gonna have to rely on home-made costumes! That's way scarier than being in a demon's body,"

CM stood up, "Couldn't you just use your science to turn us into hot babes that we could use as our costumes?"

"I could, but that's too easy. What if we steal the bodies instead?"

"That seems up both of our alleys. What did you have in mind?"

Jam leaped off the couch and pointed at the door, "We're going to break into the Warner Bros. studio lot and steal the bodies of the hottest babes they got!"

CM simple stood there flabbergasted at Jam's proposal, "Uh... What?"

"Relax, I'll teleport us right in there! We steal the bodies and then teleport out. It'll be easy!"

"You do realize by saying that its 'easy', you automatically jinx things and make them a hundred times tougher than they need to be, right?"

Jam reached into his pocket and pulled out a "Teleportation Gun", "Relax, my scared little pony! We'll be fine... Probably,"

"I don't like the sound of that, but fine! Let's just get this over with,"

Jam nodded and blasted the pair with the teleportation gun. Jam and CM disappeared from sight in a blast of blue light, before materializing in the middle of the darkened lot. It was so dark that Jam and CM couldn't see anything, though they both felt quite off. CM smelled terrible and he felt a lot smaller than he normally did, "Jam, that teleporter better have not done what I think it's done..."

Jam shook his head, "Of course not! Let me he just get a flashlight here!" Jam then moved his hands towards his lab-coat, only to find it wasn't there. His arms were beefier than usual, which was nowhere near as surprising as when Jam reached down lower to discover he was wearing pants, "On second thought, seems you were right!"

Jam then reached even further down towards CM and grabbed a flashlight out of the his pocket, turning it on to reveal that the the teleporter had malfunctioned and swapped their heads. CM grumbled as he looked down at his tiny monkey body, angrily flicking his prehensile tail around as he tapped his handfoot on the ground, "Jam, I thought you worked out the bugs on your teleporter,"

Jam shrugged his beefy pony shoulders, "Look, mad-science isn't an exact science! Besides, I'll just pop our heads off and put them back on each other's bodies. There's nothing to worry about!"

Just then, Jam and CM heard growling. Jam scratched at his head, "That's weird, I don't remember WB security having a guard dog! Though they did have a fat security guard..."

The head-swapped pair then saw a pair of glowing red eyes emerge from the darkness. CM looked at the eyes nervously, "Jam, I think you better do something,"

"Relax, you'll be fine!"

CM narrowed his eyes, "Considering I'm the smallest and most edible of us both right now, I kind of doubt that,"

Jam flexed his buff arms and stood in front of the tiny pony-headed monkey, "Don't worry, I'll protect you, my fellow mismatched misfit!"

The shadowy dog strode forward, Jam and CM both soon catching sight of what it was. It was none other than Blitz, the Austrian doberman from the 90s kids show, "Road Rovers"! He wore a silver suit and had a physique that was just slightly less buff than the pony bod Jam currently was wearing. "What have we got here? A couple mismatched monsters that need a good butt biting, dat's what!" Shouted the canine in a thick Austrian accent.

Jam waved his finger at the doberman, "Don't be a weird boy! Look, we're not here to cause trouble. We just came to steal studio property and then make off with it in the night!"

The dog snarled, "Thievery is against da law! Once I'm done with you, you won't be back. I'll bite your heinies right good!"

CM tugged on Jam's pant-leg, "I think it's best we just teleport back to your lab,"

Jam winked and petted his pony-headed monkey friend, "Let's not get carried away, chimera! I've still got my secret weapon..."

CM raised an eyebrow, "And that is?"

Jam then pointed at the other side of the lot, "Look, Minerva Mink is standing outside naked for all to see!"

The dog yipped and turned to look around, "Where?! I must see dat buxom beauty myself, so she can admire my muscles!"

Jam took this as a cue to start running, CM following right behind him. He found it hard to maneuver in the monkey's body, as he wasn't used to running on all fours. Walking on one's hands and hand-like feet was definitely an uncomfortable thing for the former pony. Just as the two made a break for it, Blitz caught on and started giving chase, "Scrawny little fools, you won't get far!"

CM started to lag behind due to his small stature and the awkwardness of his new body, "Jam, a little help!"

Jam nodded and grabbed the monkey by the tail and threw him onto his shoulders, all while continuing to run, "There ya go, little buddy!"

"Could've been a bit more gentle there, Jam,"

"We're in the middle of a chase, we ain't got time to be careful!"

"Why are we even running? You're buffer than him now, Jam!"

Jam stopped and looked down at his buff bod, especially his ripped muscles which were throbbing from all the running he was doing, "Oh, right!"

Jam turned and punched the still-running Blitz in the face, knocking him to the ground. The barely conscious doberman's head throbbed as tiny birds flew around it in a cartoonish manner, "Get away from me dumb birds, or I'll bite you too!"

Jam smiled as he flexed his arms, "Damn, that was easier than I thought it'd be!"

CM tugged on Jam's ear, "Mind swapping us back now?"

"Oh, right!" Shouted Jam as he popped off both his and CM's heads, right before putting them back on their original bodies. After swapping back, CM removed Jam from his back and lowered him gently back onto the ground.

CM smiled, once again being back in his buff and handsome body, "That's better. So what next?"

Jam rubbed his monkey paws together, "We sneak into the room where they keep the film reels!"

The monkey then ran off on all fours as CM followed quickly behind him. They sneaked into a nearby building and quickly and stealthily made their way past all the guards without being caught. Their intrusion was also helped by the fact that there weren't many cameras stationed in that particular building! Once past security, Jam and CM found themselves in a room filled with film reels of various shows.

Each reel was labeled after different cartoons and animated movies. Jam smiled as he looked over the room filled with reels, "Here we go!"

CM shrugged his shoulders, "Uh... Jam, where are the babes?"

The monkey made happy chattering noises and pointed at the reels, "They're in there!"

"Wait, do you mean they crammed all the characters of these cartoons into these tiny reels once the shows are canned?"

The monkey nodded vigorously, "Yep!"

"Well, I'm not too surprised given all the silliness that's happen to us tonight. So, who we gonna pick?" CM asked with a slight smile.

Jam held up a film reel with the title "Loonatics Unleashed" written on it, "This one!"

"Huh, why that one? I thought everybody hated that show,"

"Au contraire, male mare! People hated the show back in the day, but general opinions have turned around in the years since,"

"If you say so! I guess I'll choose this then," Said the pony as he held up a reel titled "Duck Dodgers"!

"Ah, a very high quality choice!"

"So, how does this work? Do we just open the lid and our waifu of choice pops out?"

"Yep!"

"It can't be that easy..."

Jam snickered as he opened his reel, releasing Lexi Bunny from her metal prison. Jam winked, “It’s that easy!”

The pink supersuit-wearing bunny looked around in surprise, “What the heck!? How did I get out here? I thought I was canceled!”

Jam nodded, “You were! And now, that beautiful banned body of yours shall be mine!”

Lexi shook her head and lifted her ears high in the air, ready to blast the monkey with energy, “I don’t think so! Let’s see you handle a Brain Blast-”

Before Lexi could finish, Jam headbutted her and knocked her out, “Sorry, Lexi, but we’ve used up our action scene budget for today’s story!”

CM looked at Jam dumbfounded, “I feel like headbutting her may have been a tad uncalled for, Jam,”

“To be fair, she was about to blast me with psychic energy! It was simply self defense!”

“Fair point. Now my turn…” CM said as he prepared to open his reel. Jam watched with bated breath as the pony slowly lifted the lid on the reel. CM watched as a sexy alien woman slowly emerged from the reel, smoke sifting out from it as she did so. The smoke enveloped the room as the Martian Queen approached CM, right before running her hand along his chin, “Wow, you’re quite the handsome work-horse!”

CM blushed a bit, “Oh, thanks! You have quite the nice body yourself,”

The queen smiled as she wrapped her jewelry-clad arms around the pony’s mid-section, “I like that you like my body! I’m sure you’re a better lover than Dodgers ever was!”

CM turned to Jam, “I don’t recall her being this promiscuous on the show,”

Jam shrugged his shoulders, “I think their personalities are a bit different when released from the reels. Regardless, I don’t think she’ll be opposed to the idea of swapping bodies with you!”

The queen ceased her hugging and felt the pony’s muscly arms, “Me wearing this? I’m 100% for that!”

“Huh, I never thought I’d win over an alien queen,”

Jam snickered as he walked over to the pony and pulled a fancy high-tech remote out of his pocket and brandished it, “I’m not. That muscly bod of yours does bring all the babes to the yard! Regardless, let’s get this show on the road!”

CM stared at the remote, “Ah, I see you brought your trust ‘Swap Remote’,”

Jam nodded, “Yep, I never leave home without it!”

“Sweet. You ready, Queen?”

The Martian Queen nodded, “Of course!”

Jam then pressed the button on the remote, causing a strange feeling to take hold of the horse and the queen. Their vision went blurry as their minds were slowly transferred into each other’s vessels by the remote. Once their dizziness faded, CM found “herself” looking down at a sexy new body! Her body was slender and feminine, with wide hips and a large backside. She lacked any kind of a nose or lips, with her eyes and warpaint being her only distinguishing facial features.

She was garbed in golden jewelry and a purple loincloth, along with an Egyptian-styled headdress. Truly, CM’s new body was the epitome of beauty and fashion! She cocked her to the side as she giggled, “This is fantastic! Who knew becoming royalty could feel so freeing?” She couldn’t help but admire her scantily clad body and how stacked it was.

She took her new feminine hands and ran them across her skin, noting how hairless and sleek her new flesh was. Her alien body was not at all hampered by the size of her new assets, which delighted her greatly. She had traded her muscles for beauty and she didn’t mind one bit!

Martian Queen was in the same boat, enjoying how buff “his” new body was. Despite losing his royalty, the former Queen loved his bulging new muscles and long snout. He whinnied excitedly as he flexed his new muscles, “This is amazing!”

“Glad ya enjoy my buff body, Martian Queen!”

“Actually, you can me by my actual name, ‘Tyr’ahnee!”

CM nodded, “Right, I forgot that was your name! Can do, ‘Tyr’ahnee’,”

Jam smiled as he brandished his remote once more, “Now that CM is taken care of, it’s my turn!” He then pointed his remote at the unconscious Lexi and blasted her with it. Afterwards, Jam blasted himself with the remote, knocking himself unconscious as well. CM ran over to Jam’s body and began shaking it, “Jam, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, ‘Queen’!” CM heard Lexi’s voice say. He turned and saw the pink bunny stand up, admiring her sexy body in its skintight black leather outfit as she did so. Jam was infatuated with her new body, including its wide hips and massive buttocks. Her long ears were tied up by a green bow, her blonde hair peaking through the top of her suit. Her breasts were large, though not as big as the ones CM was currently packing. The bunny smiled as she happily hopped towards CM, before reaching down and grabbing the remote from the unconscious monkey’s hands, “Like what you see, CM?”

CM whistled, “Damn, you’re hot, Jam! Wait, how did I whistle if I have no lips?”

“Thanks! And I’m not sure, it seems both our bodies run on nonsense cartoon physiology. I’m more confused as how you’re able to breathe without a nose or mouth!”

The alien queen shrugged her shoulders, “I frankly have no idea, nor do I care!”

Jam giggled and then smacked her own big bunny butt as she brandished the remote. Her leather-clad cheeks jiggled about wildly, almost mesmerizing CM as she watched them bounced. Jam then giggled and poked the alien’s breasts, “Neither do I! All I know is that these cartoon babes are stacked!”

CM nodded and grabbed hold of her alien titties, firmly squeezing her nebula-colored melons, “I agree. Who knew 2000s cartoons could have such rocking bods?”

“Glad you two like it! It’s gonna be fun being something different for a bit, though I doubt Lexi will feel the same way upon waking up,” Said Tyr’ahnee with a smile across his equine muzzle.

Jam snickered and picked her unconscious monkey body, before handing it to Lexi, “Eh, I’m sure he’ll get over it! We’re only wearing them for a Halloween party, as we didn’t have time to pick up costumes. You take him with you and we’ll return your bodies later!”

Tyr’ahnee grabbed the monkey’s unconscious form and held him gently, “Sure, I’ll keep him line while you two go party! Isn’t that right, Lexi?”

“Ungh…”

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’! Regardless, I don’t think I’m going to sneak past security while carrying an unconscious simian in my arms,”

Jam then reached into the lab-coat of her old body and pulled out a teleporter gun, before handing it to the former alien queen, “Just use this to zip back to my lab and hang out there!”

“Thanks, but how will you two get past security?” Tyr’ahnee asked with a concerned look on his face.

Jam batted a leathery hand at the pony, “Don’t worry, CM and I got this handled! Just head back to my lab with Lexi in tow!”

“Can do!” Said the pony, right before firing off a blast from the teleporter gun and sending both him and the monkey back to Jam’s lab.

“It’s nice you did that, Jam, but how are we supposed to get past security now?” Asked CM as she scratched at her head.

“Just follow my lead!” Shouted the pink bunny as she started slowly sauntering out of the building with her hips swaying. CM shrugged her shoulders and copied her, the two of them soon leaving the building. As they left, Jam pulled her suit down a bit and slid the remote inside her plentiful cleavage. Once inside the bunny’s cleavage, the remote disappeared into some kind of “interdimensional storage space”, at least until the bunny needed it next!

Once outside, they were approached by Blitz from earlier, “Did you find ladies see where dose two thieves went? I’m gonna bite their heinies!”

CM and Jam giggled as they looked at each other. Jam ran her hand over her long ears, as if it were her hair, “I didn’t see anybody at all tonight! Did you, ‘Martian Queen’?”

The alien giggled as she playfully batted her royal hand at the dog-man, “Not at all, we’ve just been on a walk all night! I’ve witnessed no ‘thieves’ lurking around the premises,”

The dog nodded, “Yah, dass good! Wait, shouldn’t you two be in your reels?”

The two hot cartoon babes then grabbed hold of the dog’s beefy arms as they batted their long eyelashes at him. The dog’s face quickly became red at all the attention he was suddenly getting. Jam shook her head, “Don’t worry, sweetie, we’re just going for a walk!”

Jam bent in and kissed the dog on his bright-red face, causing him to become even more flustered. Blitz passed out on the spot once more, the two cartoon babes standing over his unconscious body. Jam giggled, “Well, that was easy! Let’s go!”

Jam walked off with CM following in fast pursuit, “Damn, we really made a mess, huh?”

Jam shrugged her fluffy leather-clad shoulders, “Eh, who cares?”

“I dunno, just feel like something bad’s about to happen, honestly,”

“I doubt it! The only guard they had on duty is unconscious, and the ladies in our bodies are out of our hair for the moment. What could possibly get in our way?” Asked the bunny with a laugh as she ran off, CM following up behind her.

They headed towards the Halloween party across the street, not noticing something following behind them. It was a reel labeled “Space Jam”, which was stealthily rolling towards them through the shadows. This single reel was about to make the night far more confusing…