Dakky's March Commission: A Day in the Life of Admiral Kaczynski (Patreon)

Shuttle telemetry nominal, approach green. Pilot Cromwell’s ability, competent. Remote contact established, beginning handshake. Transfer initiated, standby…

'One day I swear I'll just create multiple personalities and just swap between them…feels like dying. Is that what dying feels like? Does anyone know? Maybe I do? Ha, take that organics…yes Io, they're all so jealous that you routinely experience death and rebirth without any sort of divine revelation. Now then, let's see here. Oh yes, Fenrir in low gravity is every bit as entertaining as I imagined. Manufactory #1 is…still working as planned? Now that’s a pleasant surprise. And the Admiral visited? Let’s take a look, shall we? I see. How open minded of him. Perhaps I should get to know him a little better if we're going to be sharing a chair on the bridge. The Mara gang looks like they're stumbling along happily. Now let me see…'

Accessing crew logs. Accessing Event Horizon surveillance system. Accessing bridge audio logs. Accessing communications between Admiral Kaczynski and VI assistant Cassia. Compiling…synthesizing…representative day/night cycle constructed. Commencing analysis.

'And he sleeps in the buff. This is a fine start, Io. Really using your powers for good there, girl. Though I suppose I should get used to male bodies that are not active duty soldiers. Russell and Lachlan have spoiled me, not to mention Antoth.'

Purrrrr

'And that subroutine is getting purged immediately. Oh good, he puts on pants first. Bathroom break; time to wait outside. Ok done? Good. Toothpaste choice, cinnamon. Well aren't you a rebel, Natori. And flossing in the morning too? My my, what magnificent dental hygiene. Alright let's speed this up a bit. Getting dressed, looking spiffy, very nice, and to the canteen? No, the bridge. Not a breakfast person, perhaps?

Yes yes, good morning Mr Turnwell. Cup of tea perhaps? And salute, and again. Oh that one was a little sloppy Kaczynski; maybe you and the ensign are buddies? Not my concern. To business then! Comfy chair status: sat in. That is a lot of reports, I will admit. First up is…engine core! Yes yes, I agree. Given that the Seil system is doing its best to impersonate the Bermuda triangle I would rank the engine status even higher than life support, which appears to be coming second. Very good.

Can't say I agree with number three. Who flags a lab requisition request as top priority? Oh, I see now. Yes I suppose cellular cultures require constant supervision. Downloading care protocol documentation now and adding to my academic resource consumption list. Moving along we have hydroponics, waste recycling and resource recovery, electrical system and maintenance, miscellaneous crew reports, Jumper training results, and on and on it goes…and on…and on. Dear lord, I'm skipping ahead. Who is this ass kisser bringing you coffee? Oh, the mess chief. Alright alright, I take it back! You have a lot of friends, Natori.

And now we have lunch time! How delightful, look at all the people. And you split your meals between sections of the ship, civilian and military. Indeed, I approve. Who is that? Rex? What a towering sack of meat! Was someone compensating when they put together their first Jumper squad, hmmm? Hehe, I digress. Man of the people mode engaged! I suppose I cannot fault the management style, it's well documented. 

And we're wandering the halls now, saying hello to engineers and gunnery chiefs, scientists and civilians. Good way to digest lunch and keep an ear to the ground. Oh Qul'Roth, how I didn't miss you. Though I suppose meeting with him every so often is better than leaving him in the dark and encouraging him to stick that snout in places it doesn't belong. 

Back to your cabin for private work? Aww, yes that is a beautiful photograph. I'm sure you miss them very much, but I also understand why you left them behind. Ah, now I see why we're here, disciplinary actions. What sort of tomfoolery does the crew get up to, hmm? Using the ship's intranet for gambling and porno- wait a minute. How did they? Already?! You're telling me someone went through all that effort of getting those feeds and then putting together a 3D model of Veera to…and with breasts? That doesn't even look like her. Livinghell.exe engaged. Oh, well I suppose literally throwing him into the brig is good enough for now. Let's just patch up that back channel, shall we? Fear not, dear Admiral, I'll whip up another subroutine to chase this sort of traffic. What else do we have? Verbal and physical disagreements, failure to comply with organic waste reclamation procedures, etc. Pretty standard stuff. 

Now this part is particularly variable, just before dinner. We have some reading, which oscillates between fantasy, the classics, and historical non-fiction. Then we have a tri-weekly workout including cardio, stretching, and body weight exercises. Music choice seems to vary between modern electronic and classic rock, quite the range. Let's skip ahead again. We have dinner on the opposite side of the ship from lunch and then back to the bridge to repeat the morning's routine. You poor man. At least the bridge staff seem to be a lively bunch, playing pong on the big screens when days are slow. And I see you running solitaire on your display. I guess some things never change with operating systems. 

Ah the end of the day at last. Goodbye, stuffy uniform. Goodbye, annoying pants. Hello me time! Oh Natori, only you would have an end of day playlist with Gregorian chants and African tribal music. But to your credit, it is wise and good to remember one's roots, especially in our brave new spacefaring world. Good music to review various civilian research reports as well. Let's wrap this up then. Perhaps I can be of assistance here in the future? Washroom, lights out, bed. 

And you do this every day? No wonder you follow Alice's progress like a man in the Sahara chasing an oasis. I will not dispute the facts, however. It appears that all your 'lackadaisical, mad scientist/engineer' vibe is skin deep only. You were made Admiral for a reason…but you also have so little fun. Time to change that!'

'Good day, Admiral Kaczynski.'

"Io! So glad to see you made it up here as well. What can I do for you this evening?"

'Well sir, I have a few samples ready for your review in manufactory number one, and Alice seems to have sustained a flesh wound in hangar C-2.'

"How delightful. Let's get Miss Winters taken care of first, if you please?"

'I've already begun. You might appreciate this, sir.'

"Ha! I wonder if the Cauthan will believe that gurney to be possessed?!"

'Devious man.'

"I believe that, coming from you."

'It's good to be back, Admiral. I didn’t not think I would miss being here.'

"The feeling is mutual, Io."