Dearly Beloved Chapter Thirty-Two (Patreon)
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The Dresden Files/Codex Alera is copyright Jim Butcher. This story is licensed under the Creative Commons as derivative, noncommercial fiction.
Chapter Thirty-Two
"The issue lies with identity," Mab said. "The being once known as Lara Grace Romany Raith has encapsulated herself into the persona of Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden."
I nodded, taking a sip of tea Mab had prepared for us.
"This was done without your permission or knowledge. You granted her entry into your mind, but that did not grant her the right to take over your vessel. She is in violation of the Accords and your Laws of Magic."
I nodded again.
"The question is what to do now. With the demons knowing the full name of Harry Dresden, anyone inhabiting that persona is at risk."
"Right," I said.
"You don't associate with that name anymore; I take it?"
"Well, the longer I have been Lara, the less I've associated with it. In addition, Lara put a strong hypnotic suggestion that I wasn't actually Harry. It takes a lot of concentration to state that I ever was."
She nodded. "We found that as well."
Maalshiira spoke. "The question is; do you wish to return to your former body?"
"Of course," I said.
She nodded. "And if it weren't possible?"
"I'd make do, I suppose."
"Thou would like to spend thy time in that vessel?"
"Well, it would be nice to not have to suffer the White Vampire curse, but other than that, it would be okay. It might be nice to be male again as well."
Maal gave a little giggle at that. Mab silenced her with a look.
"Unfortunately, given what happened the other night, thy spirit is locked in thy form by demonic sorcery. It is not something I have any power over.
I nodded. "I thought as much."
"And thou are not strong in Demonic Magic. So to summon a demon, even using your old knowledge, would be disastrous, to say the least. More than likely, the summoning would kill you, even with the enhanced constitution of that body."
I nodded. "So I'm stuck."
Maalshiira wiggled her long fingers back and forth. "Yes, and then again, no."
"How so?"
"A similar vessel to mine own, one of the sidhe, could be created from thy body. Mab used mine own vessel to create this sidhe body."
"So, I'd be an elf like you?"
"We have the power to create beings of the Unseelie court. These include Night elves, Ogres, goblins, hobgoblins, trolls, wraiths, and more. We could craft your body into something such as that."
I winced. "Mmmm, pass for now."
They both nodded. "We suspected as much," Maalshiira said.
"And Harry?"
"Well, we were presented with a choice," Mab said. It was eerie how alike they were beginning to sound.
"And?"
"I still need my Knight of Winter. And that form is potent. We have crafted a form that should allow him to continue to live among humans, yet in reality, he is now of the sidhe. And we have also taken the liberty to change his visage and provided him an accelerated training regimen that he has just completed."
"That sounds ominous. Where is he now?" Thomas said.
"He has spent the equivalent of a decade inside his mind over the last week. He trained with his magic and the use of weapons. He passed his last test this morning, so we have summoned him back. He is gathering his things. We will return him with thou to the human lands. Please understand, he has changed, but should still be fairly recognizable. We ask that he be allowed to return in thy stead and a story crafted to explain his change in appearance."
I shivered. I didn't know if it was from the cold or not. I reached out and took Thomas's hand.
"And me?" I said, trying not to let the tremble affect my voice.
"We would like to accelerate the pendulum with thine identity as well, Lady Vampire. If thou will allow us, thy name should match thine life."
Are you okay with this? I sent to Maal.
It be the only way.
Could we still be close?
Of course. That will never change.
Promise?
I swear by my new nature as Lady of the Unseelie, Vampire that thy essence and thy true name shall be as I have said, and no further alteration of thine spirit will occur.
Will you visit me?
If thou would like that. Yes.
I still love thee, Maalshiira.
As I love thee, Lady Vampire.
"Okay, I agree."
"Close thine eyes. Maalshiira will make the correction, and I shall observe to ensure a smooth transition."
I closed my eyes.
***
At first I didn't feel anything. Moments passed by, and I wondered if I could open my eyes again.
She has a purpose for thee.
Oh?
We shall speak of it after.
Okay. Will this hurt?
Yes.
I took a few breaths.
Are't thou ready?
Give it to me baby.
Ice-cold fingers dug into my skull. I fell to my knees, screaming in pain, as the worlds' worst ice-cream headache filled my soul. The ice burned through me, and I felt parts of me shifting, melding, changing. It extended outwards to all parts of my body, every cell, every hair, ever molecule that made me who I was.
I shrieked in pain, holding on to Thomas's hand. He groaned, still holding onto mine, but I bore down hard on him, my only anchor to reality.
Ten thousand years, or a few moments later, it was over.
I felt like vomiting.
I opened my eyes. Thomas was on his knees beside me, still holding my hand. I released it
"Sorry," I whispered.
He nodded, taking his hand to his chest.
"Allow me to heal thine hand, Sir." Maalshiira held out her hand.
Thomas held it out, and I could see I must have shattered every bone. She gently touched it, and a glow emanated from her fingers. Then it was over, and he was able to flex it, making a fist.
"She knows not her own strength, it appears," Mab said, a slight smile on her face.
"Yeah," Thomas said. "I think she broke every bone."
I stood up, wavering.
"How do thou feel?" Maalshiira said, looking at me with those sky blue sidhe eyes.
"It's fading," I whispered. "What did you do?"
Mab smiled proudly. "Thou is now, and forevermore, Lara Grace Romany Raith. No trace of Harry Dresden remains inside thy identity. You still retain those memories and still know who thou used to be, but the curse of demons shall never pass unto you."
"Great," I said. Tears fell from my eyes. I'd been Harry a long time. I thought about him, all the battles he fought, all the love he'd had. The friends, the times shared, the energy passed. He'd been a guardian of the Light, a true Wizard of the White Council. Dammit, he was good!
And now, what was I? I'd always been afraid of becoming a monster and now—that was what I was. I consumed souls, like a parched man in the desert consumed water. It was part of who I was, part of what made me, me. It could not be denied; I was a predator now, through and through.
Sure, things could change. I could be pressed back into another body, another mind…but as I considered it, it would be me, Lara, stuck inside another body, not Harry. As I searched my inner feelings, my inner soul, I could feel parts of myself unlocked that had been locked before. I realized I had access to all the knowledge of the tantric. I could feel each spirit beside me, taste their spirit energy.
Maal tasted so lovely, so light. So good and young of spirit. Mab, dark, cold. Old. Even though she wore the visage of someone young, her spirit tasted like ashes. I could sense my brother, like a beacon in the night. His love enfolded me, holding me close. I wondered if that was because I'd been Harry, or if he'd always been that way toward Lara. It felt good, protective, enveloped. I smiled softly, feeling him and recognized when he felt me too. He gave me a wink.
A figure approached us.
"And here is the Winter Knight," Maalshiira said, a strange blush flowing through her features.
He was still tall. Gone was the three-day old beard, and the salt that had been invading his hair. His skin was bronze, almost a dark umber, with long straight black hair. I could still see Harry Dresden in the ice-blue eyes, but it was so idealized that I wondered what kind of sidhe they had mixed him with.
When he opened his mouth, I could see his lower teeth had grown upward. His heavy brow also gave an indication of what they had crossed him with. His legs, arms, thighs, and all other parts rippled with muscles.
"Orc?" I said, my mouth falling open. "You crossed him with a freaking Orc?"
"Indeed. I present Harold Dresden. He has been given a different true name than the two middle names he previously held.
"Harold, huh? So people can still call you Harry?"
"Yes," Harold said. His voice was far deeper than it had been and gave me shivers. I blushed as well. It was like he was chiseled from dark stone.
"And he's still a wizard, yes?"
"Yes, that part has not changed."
"Groovy," I said.
He looked at me then, giving me a wide smile with even white teeth.
"No," I said. "You just take that stare somewhere else, bucko."
He chuckled. "Shall we go?"
Thomas nodded. "Thank you, Lady, and Queen."
"Tho are't welcome, Sir Vampire, Lady Vampire. Thou are always welcome in mine court."
I nodded. "Thank you."
And thank you, I sent to Maal.
Thou are't welcome. Are thou sure thou is not suffering?
I miss you, Maal. And what of this purpose you mentioned?
You are to watch over the new Wizard. Guide him, teach him, protect him as you can.
Teach him? How can I do that if I have no power?
Thou has't a lifetime of experience as a former wizard of the White Council, and Knight of the Winter Court. Are you telling me you can't be creative enough to instruct our Knight in the proper use of magic?
And if I refuse?
I could feel Maal stiffen a bit. I would consider it a personal favor, Vampire.
Nodding, I continued. For you, of course, I will.
Thank thee, Vampire.
Please come and see me soon?
I will, Vampire."
Can you call me something other than that?
How shall I refer to thee?
I dunno, Lara?
Human names have no reference to me anymore, as I have said.
But you just…never mind.
May I refer to thee as Lady? She sent.
Yeah, that's better than Vampire.
Thou should not be ashamed of what thy is. All Vampires are a valuable part of the Unseelie.
"Wait, Vampires are part of the Unseelie Court?" I blurted out.
"Yes, child," Mab said.
"So…you are still my Queen then."
She chuckled. "In a way. Unseelie are not as organized as Seelie. We all bow our heads to one of our own subdivision. Thou owes allegiance to thine House. But thy House owes allegiance to the Unseelie Court in turn. It is why we are able to change thee. Were you part of summer, thou would seek out The Summer Queen.
I nodded, all the pieces falling into place.
"Well, thank you My Queen, and Lady Winter," I said. "Oh, and Sir Knight."
He performed a deep bow and kissed my hand.
"Okay, stop that shit right now," I giggled, blushing and snatching my hand away.
"Thou can take them back to human realms, Knight?"
"Of course, my Queen."
"Very well."
When will I see you?
Soon, I promise.
Take care of yourself, Maal.
You too, Lady.
I smiled, and Harold Dresden opened a Way.