Haitus (Patreon)

I waited until this morning to make this decision. I didn't want to make it while I was not emotionally human but, ultimately, it is an emotional decision--just like my deciding to continue each time before now has been. In my pride, I refused to give up despite it being obvious that I could not meet my obligations. 

I do not want to leave, I really don't. I love writing and taking a break feels like giving up on something important, something which I sacrificed whole other parts of myself to hold on to, but the fact is, I just cannot do this right now.  My work has made me increasingly nauseated from anxiety, stress, and a feeling of inadequacy. I am exhausted. There is no candle left to burn.

I had been managing thanks to my editors but, after an emotional meltdown over the weekend laid waste to much of my collaborative support, that isn't the case any more. And while the damage to those relationships was the knockout punch, it was just the last blow in a fifteen round bout I was not prepared for. 

I have been fighting for months, since last October really, clawing my way back to my feet each time to face the despair and overwhelming stress. Even so, I kept getting further and further behind. Missing the pub dates for Clv3, Clv4 and soon to be Clv5 cut me off at the knees. I was losing interest in drafts partway through or was constantly turning to stir the next pot to keep the soup from burning. Even so, I continued to miss deadlines. The kitchen filled with smoke...

I thought if I worked harder, that if I kept a professional mindset, I could keep up with a workload that I had taken on while only working four days a week. Instead, I just lost touch with everything else in my life--and for what? It's almost September and I have nearly nothing to show for it and I cannot in good faith keep this project open when I am knowingly going to step away from writing pretty much entirely. 

So, yeah. I am not going to be producing any new work for the foreseeable future--with a few exceptions. I am still going to complete my obligations to Ultimate Pump, I have a lot of time and energy tied up in a light novel which I still want to publish, and I don't want to leave Birthday Party unfinished. 

Outside of that, I will send those of you whom I owe stories my email to work something out with you. Most of you are good friends and I don't want to be scum to you because I lost my edge.

For the rest of you, I plan on continuing to work on touching up some of my favorite stories and putting them into epub/pdf format. So, if you are a member as of today, I will continue to send you links to download those for free--I'll set up a mailing list with MailChimp or something for that.

Anyway...

I really do appreciate all the support over these last two years. Writing as Misty has gotten me through some very tough times and I am on the whole emotionally and mentally healthier for having done so. It kills me to step away and disappoint you all who believed in me but, I need some distance to get things figured out and to let wounds become scars.

'til then, be good to each other.

-Misty F