Navigating family and friends (Patreon)

Ahh family and friends...

As you start to add weight and it becomes noticeable, you will start to get some comments about the change of your appearance.

The first thing to realize is that most comments come from a place of love and caring. 

The worry about your weight and health is understandable, people are just trying to show they care. That said, you need to react with a confidence and build your case in a logical and thought out manner.

You will need to map out a strategy so you can prepare for any ambushes. You also need to decide if you want to get straight to the issue or build a story around your gaining that helps cushion the eventual out come of you becoming much fatter in the future.

A major factor is the frequency with which you see people who will comment on your weight gain. If you see them daily or weekly, like co-workers, they will not notice your gains as easily versus family members or friends you don’t see for weeks or months that suddenly see a big change. 

You may be able to soften the reaction with how you plan discussing your weight gain before they have a chance to comment. If you appear to be oblivious or don’t want to talk about your fatness, people can see it as a warning sign that you are in trouble. The media loves to focus on the out of control eaters, bariatric surgery reality tv series, and people who use food to medicate their emotional issues. It’s always slanted as a huge negative and life threatening. I have found if you are more proactive, you can take the edge off the discussion.

The path you choose is important - do you just talk about that you are gaining weight and you are fine with it or do you craft a story that helps support the gaining.

The story of your weight gain is a way to get people to think about your changing body as a result of a plan and not a lack of self awareness. It may be a bit of a falsehood, but it can be useful to get people to not just come at you with “don’t you see what you’re doing to yourself??” 

If you are just starting your gaining journey, it’s a bit easier. You can tell people you are doing a new workout to bulk up and add more muscle or you want to start powerlifting. This can give you a good way to get yours first 50-100 lbs on. People see the gain as a plan or exploration, not you being out of control or emotionally eating. Once you get to a significant size you can state that you just like the size and bulk. You don’t necessarily have to be in the gym all the time, but the thought of this as a determined size goal is a response you can present as your pro fat argument.

There are other tactics, like saying you have more responsibility at work and not able to get to the gym as much, having more travel and big company dinners that are all part of your changing work environment. This can give you an opportunity to frame your gaining as something you are aware of, you just haven’t settled into the new routine and then after some more weight you shift into the fact you discovered you like the new size. You can also chalk it up to side effects of a medication you are taking. I know these can be seen as lying, but I see them as a way to steer the issue into something people can understand as cause and effect and an issue you are aware of. If you want to keep gaining you need a way to discuss the issue and not just avoid it.

You will always benefit adding your medical care to the discussion. You should be seeing a doctor and although not all physicians are progressive and willing to work with you, it can be something you use to assure people you are not in immediate danger. Saying you are seeing your doctor and there are no issues can help show that you managing your body and weight. Again you may need to massage the truth, but the fact you can say you see your doctor and not “I’m not going to see any doctor, leave me alone!” can make a big difference.

If you are already heavy, you may be able to start a new discussion with concerned individuals. Tell them that you hear that they are concerned. Tell them you want to be healthy, but you like being bigger, you are seeing a doctor and managing your health. The more they think you are in control, they will hopefully be less concerned.

How you present yourself is something else that can help make your size less troubling. A fat guy who is always sloppy and unkempt plays into the notion that you are not well, you can’t manage self-care and your weight is a symptom of a deeper mental problem. If you are seeing family, get a hair cut, trim your beard, shave, put on a thought out outfit - not just your regular jeans and t-shirt - make it look like you took time to put yourself together. It gives an air of confidence and shows you like who you are. I know people can have more extreme styles and looks, but if you can clean it up for a family visit, it goes toward helping you avoid confrontation. It’s a little bit of theater, but the goal is to have less stress around how others see your weight gain. Do whatever you can to help support a positive fat guy image. You may wear looser clothes or more layered t-shirt with a button up shirt left open to disguise your bulk. Tight clothes will make some people think you are bursting out of them and for concerned and judgmental people it’s just a trigger to attack. Wear tight clothes in places where it will be appreciated or not an issue. Know your audience. 

It not going to be easy. We live in a culture that sees fat as hugely negative and unhealthy. But there are runners and athletes that die everyday. There are many choices people make that are unhealthy and those can pose as much of a threat as being overweight. I believe genetics have a huge role to play. Some folks have predispositions to heart disease, diabetes and other issues that can be triggered by weight gain,but I also think that having fat on your body doesn’t have to mean you got fat in an unhealthy way. If you eat a balanced diet, don’t eat just fat and sugar and get some exercise, you should be able to gain extra weight without it being as unhealthy. You should monitor your health and try and work with a doctor to try to be big without issues. But don’t ignore your health - it is easy to just think it will be fine and then later have issues you could have avoided or worked through while staying big.

Gaining is about control. You are actively trying to fatten your body. You are not fat by accident. Take pride in your choice. Many people don’t do anything to control their lives. You are making choices to become what you desire. Control the message, craft your image and your story. Be prepared and pre-plan the scenarios you may encounter. Be ready to talk to people about your body and the changes that are happening. You don’t have to tell them you are actively trying to force yourself bigger,  just that you like your size. If being big makes you happy, work on the issues around your size. Just accept that this path will have challenges, but prepare for them and go into your known battlefields with a plan. This can be a wonderful experience, but it doesn’t have to be full of ambushes. Strategy is key. Remember, you are in control.