Greg Vs: Lag 6.23c (Patreon)

Lag 6.23c

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May 20, 2010

Axel Ramon never liked strangers, and that was a fucking fact.

To be real, he never liked most people and for many reasons. Some were too exhausting without being worth it, some were just straight dickheads whether they were hiding it or not, and some… well, some people just pissed him off by existing.

The main reason, though, was that people were fake as fuck.

They hid who they were, what they thought, what they wanted to say. They put on masks, pretending to be something they weren't, and it made Sparky's skin crawl.

He didn't know why but it pissed him off like he wouldn't believe. These people thought they were smart, or good at it, or whatever, but - even before his eyes brightened to a new shade of gold and his senses went up to 11 - he could almost always notice it and it made something inside him go sour.

Like right fucking now.

Sparky glanced down at the fat kid standing on Greg's doorstep, frowning at him with narrowed eyes as if somehow expecting him to manifest the Chinese food he was waiting on. The kid was pale, with a bad bowlcut and a blue hoodie that seemed to swallow his chubby frame. He looked nervous, his hands fidgeting in his pockets and his eyes darting around like he was scared of his shadow.

But that was the thing.

Sparky could tell, with just a look, that it wasn’t real. The kid was good, and he didn’t doubt that he was naturally quiet - he did have that sort of vibe to him - but this nervousness looked too neat to be real.

Kid was a good actor, though.

And that immediately got him tense.

"...the fuck are you?" Sparky asked, his voice flat and unamused.

The fat kid blinked at him with grey eyes, his mouth opening slightly and moving without words. Sparky raised an eyebrow, his palm curled around the doorknob as he pulled said door open wider, careful not to squeeze or pull too hard. He still wasn't sure how strong he was and he had no intention of breaking a door to find out. "...I'm waiting."

"I…" The boy stammered for a moment, wilting noticeably under Sparky's glare before glancing behind him for a moment. Sparky's eyes tracked the sweat on his brow, the slight surprise in his face as the boy took him in for the third time in five times as many seconds, confusion etched into his features. "Am I at the right house?" The chubby blond teen with pale hair and a bad bowlcut muttered under his breath, glancing around again like he was lost.

"I don't know," Sparky quirked his eyebrow higher, giving him a withering look that screamed 'are you fucking stupid?'. "Are you?"

"This… is Greg Veder's house, right?" The kid asked, his voice wavering slightly.

Sparky narrowed his eyes again, the shorter teenager in front of him barely able to suppress the instinctive wince at the sudden shift in expression. Finally, a question I can answer, Sparky thought, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. "YO, GREG!" He shouted, turning his head to the side, his voice carrying into the house.

"CASH IS ON THE DINING TABLE, BRO!" Greg's voice called back, slightly muffled by the walls separating them.

Already picked up the cash 15 minutes ago, Sparky snorted to himself. Dumbass never gets the food himself. "THAT'S NOT IT!" he shouted back. "SOME FAT KID'S HERE LOOKING FOR YOU!"

For a fraction of a second, Sparky could see the other kid’s face twitch slightly, brow furrowing and mouth twitching as teeth flared for a bare instant, the actual anger behind the insult peeking out. 

And then it was gone, and the other boy went back to looking nervous, the anxiety looking a lot less real than it had a second before as gray eyes made firm eye contact with Sparky. This guy’s good.

It took a second or three but Sparky didn't blink or flinch as he felt an arm drape itself over his shoulders from behind, the voice accompanying it expected. "Well… well… well, cousin Theo, how you doing? Good?"

The chubby kid - Theo, Sparky noted to himself, filing the name away for later - nodded, the motion fast and somewhat jerky as he stared at Greg with slightly widened gray eyes. "Y-yeah, good. I-I'm good."

"Really?" Greg asked again, and Sparky could almost hear the smile in his voice, that shit-eating grin that meant he was up to something. "Cus you look kinda nervous."

"I-I'm.. I'm not," Theo stammered, and Sparky’s mouth turned down into an obvious frown as the obvious lie left the chubby kid's lips. Bullshit, he thought, his eyes narrowing. I see you twitching and if I see it, blondie sees it.

"That's good. Good," the blonde on his shoulders said back, his tone light and easy. Sparky cast a gold eye in Greg's direction, noticing a specific upturn to the grin on his lips that made it look like a grin and a smirk warring for dominance - a look that screamed that Greg was laughing out loud in his own head. He raised one eyebrow in Greg’s direction, doing his best to avoid straight-up asking: What's goin' on here?

Greg tilted his head slightly in Sparky's direction, the action barely noticeable as he narrowed his eyes and flicked his blues over in the fat kid's direction, a sign Sparky understood without needing words. Just roll with it.

"You like orange soda, Theo?" the blond asked, waving in the boy waiting on the doorstep with one hand as he removed his other from Sparky's shoulder. His voice was casual, but there was an undercurrent of something else in it.

"I've…" Theo paused, his gaze flicking from Sparky back to Greg, his focus shifting back into tension as he looked up at the grinning blonde. He stepped into the foyer, anxiously avoiding contact with Greg in a way that Sparky immediately noticed, his eyes tracking the movement with a sharp intensity. "I've never had any? My dad doesn't allow soda."

Greg stared at him, his expression flat, his blue eyes boring into Theo's gray ones. "...what."

Sparky immediately rolled his eyes as Greg decided to pull another bit, his hand relaxing around the doorknob as he moved to close the front door. This drama queen, he thought, shaking his head slightly. Always gotta make a scene.

Theo flinched noticeably under Greg's focus, visibly wincing but not turning around at the sound of the door slamming shut behind him. "Is that… bad?" he asked, voice wavering slightly, as his hands fidgeted at his sides.

"It's absolutely terrible." Before the chubby pale-haired blond could react, Greg moved forward, wrapping the shorter kid in a hug that he clearly wasn't expecting.

At least, not from the way his eyes widened, his mouth falling open in a silent 'o' of surprise.

"Uhh-" Theo started, his voice muffled by Greg's shoulder.

"Shhhh." Greg patted his back gently. "We're gonna fix this, okay?"

Gray eyes flicked over to meet gold, a question clear without words.

Sparky smirked and mouthed back, Just roll with it, his expression a mix of amusement and exasperation. It's easier that way, he thought, his mind flashing back to the countless times he'd found himself in similar situations with Greg.

The kid blinked but gave him a slight nod, Sparky still unable to help himself as he noted with confusion how calm and focused the other kid immediately got when not in front of Greg, the real nervousness hidden behind a wall of fake shyness. Cousin, huh? 

Greg pulled away from the hug, his hands firm on Theo's shoulders as he looked the other boy in the eye, bright blue to gray. "We're gonna get you some orange soda, big guy," he said, his expression focused and determined.

"...thank you?" Theo replied, his voice uncertain, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

"I don't need thanks to do what I do," was Greg's odd response as the blond let go of the chubby boy and gave him a thumbs up, his grin returning full force. "I just do it." With that said, he turned around and headed towards the living room, footsteps echoing on the hardwood floor.

Said chubby boy turned to face Sparky as Greg kept rounded the corner, his gaze still questioning as his mouth hung open slightly, his expression a mix of bewilderment and disbelief.

Sparky let out a slight sigh, and gestured Theo to follow the other blond, his golden eyes rolling skyward once more. Here we go again, he thought, his feet already moving to catch up with Greg. Another episode of 'The Greg Veder Show'.

The two shared a tense look for a moment before Theo started walking and Sparky followed him rounding the corner. A few seconds later, the long-haired boy raised an eyebrow as he spotted the taller and skinnier blonde already sitting on the couch as he poured orange soda from a two-litter bottle into a new red Solo cup on the coffee table in front of him.

Greg glanced up, screwing the white cap back onto the half-emptied bottle with a grin. "Theo, come on, grab a cup. Sparks, you too," he said, voice cheerful.

Somewhat hesitantly, the chubby boy grabbed the red cup in the middle, Sparky walking past him to grab his own as he sat down next to Greg, the couch cushions sinking under their combined weight. His eyes slid over to Greg, a smirk still on the blond's face as he took a sip, Theo following right after.

"KOF…" Gray eyes blinked fast and then slower as Theo let out a cough, Sparky himself snorting at the reaction, his mouth twisting into a wry grin. "...wow."

"Tastes good, right?" Greg asked, his smile brightening, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

"It tastes…" the other boy pulled a face, nose wrinkling as he took another sip before continuing again "...like sugar."

“Exactly.” Greg's smile widened as he gestured to his left. "So, Theo, this is Sparky. He’s my best friend, almost my brother. He’s also a dick.”

Sparky's head snapped towards Greg, his golden eyes narrowed to slits. Did this motherfucker just...? "You're one to talk," he immediately shot back, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"See, he didn't deny it," Greg said, his grin turning smug as he glanced back at Theo.

Sparky opened his mouth to retort, a scathing comeback on the tip of his tongue, only to pause as he realized the truth in Greg's statement. Fuck, he's got me there. "...fuck," he muttered, shoulders slumping not in realization, but from Greg winning that little verbal battle.

"Hehehe," Greg snorted, his attention shifting back to Theo as he gestured to the chubby blond. "Sparky, this is Theo Anders, my godbrother, my best friend before you, and pretty much my cousin. We were in diapers together."

Sparky's eyes snapped back to Theo, his long hair falling into his face before he brushed it back with an impatient hand. "Godbrother?" he asked, his voice a mix of surprise and confusion. How the hell have I never heard of this guy before?

A moment later, golden eyes widened slightly as a realization hit him like a freight train. "Anders?" he said, his voice rising in pitch as he connected the dots. As in, the Anders family? The richest fuckers in Brockton Bay?

"Yeah, same Anders," Greg answered, his words confirming Sparky's suspicions before he could vocalize them further. "Our dads were like buddies since they were kids. Went to private school together. They're still best friends." The blond screwed up his face before continuing, his nose wrinkling in distaste. "But they also hate each other, like a lot. It's… weird."

"Yeah," Theo agreed, nodding his head as he took another sip of his orange soda, his expression thoughtful. "It is."

"I remember I was like ten and my dad called yours an uptight pretentious pussy who couldn't relax even if someone massaged his balls every time he made a dollar," Greg continued, a snort of laughter escaping his lips at the memory.

Theo nodded, a slightly uncomfortable smile on his face as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "And mine said that yours was a worthless bastard with more concussions than brain cells."

"Yeah," Greg laughed again, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "That was a great birthday."

 The blond’s smile faded slightly as he tilted his head to the side, his gaze focusing on Theo with an intensity that made Sparky's skin crawl. Here we go, he thought, flicking his gaze from Greg to Theo, watching as the chubby boy froze under the sudden scrutiny. 

"So... why you here, Theo?"

Sparky leaned back against the couch cushions, his arms crossing over his chest. This should be good, he thought, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. 

"I…" Theo stammered, the sudden question clearly catching him off guard. "...what? I mean, I…"

"We both know your dad doesn't like me," Greg interrupted, his voice casual but his eyes noticeably icey. "I know that for sure. And I know there's no way you're here without asking him. We both know you don't have the balls for that, no offense."

Damn, Greg, way to pull your punches, Sparky thought, his eyebrows rising at the blunt statement.

Theo frowned, his gaze dropping to the cup of orange soda in his hand. "..." he said nothing for a moment, his fingers tightening around the plastic. "Some taken."

"Fair," Greg nodded, before shrugging his shoulders in a gesture of nonchalance. "But also, I don't care."

Sparky snorted, a chuckle escaping his lips despite his best efforts to remain stoic. I love not being on the other end of him, he thought. It's really funny to see this happen to somebody else.

"Why you here, Theo?" Greg repeated, his tone just as uncaring as before.

Theo was silent for a few seconds, his eyes fixed on the orange liquid in his cup as if it held the answers Greg was looking for. "...I did ask my dad by the way," he finally said, raising his gaze to meet Greg's. "He said yes. Before you ask why he said yes," he continued, forestalling Greg's obvious next question with a raised hand, "he thinks that being around you will teach me… some of the same lessons being around your dad taught him."

Sparky watched as Greg frowned for half a second, his brow furrowing in thought before his expression cleared, a smile spreading across his face as his eyes lit up with barely contained laughter. "...oh, wow, my dad was right. Your dad is a dick."

Sparky jabbed his elbow into Greg's side, drawing the blond's attention. "Explain.”

Greg smirked, eyes glinting with mischief. "His dad thinks being around me will piss Theo off and make him stand up for himself."

Sparky's eyes narrowed as he mulled over the idea in his head, his gaze darting from the uncomfortable-looking Theo to the smirking Greg. It's a dick move, sure, he thought, but… "...is he wrong?" he asked, voice more thoughtful than teasing.

"Dick." Greg let out a snort of laughter, his head shaking in amusement. After a few seconds, his laughter trailed away, and he turned his attention back to Theo, his blue eyes gleaming with a mixture of curiosity and suspicion. "But seriously, come on, you can quit fucking with me, T-Dog."

'T-Dog' blinked at the nickname, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. "I…"

The skinnier blond stared his godbrother down, his eyes serious despite the smile that still played on his lips. "Why you here, Theo?" he repeated, his voice taking on a harder edge.

"I…" Theo began again, only to pause, clearing his throat as he took another sip from the cup in his hands. Nervous little fucker, isn't he? Sparky thought, watching as the chubby boy's fingers tightened around the plastic.

The longer he stood there in silence, Sparky could visibly see real nervousness creeping over his mask of shyness again, said mask crumbling under the weight of Greg's intense focus. Dude’s definitely hiding something, Sparky mused, golden eyes narrowing as he took in the beads of perspiration forming on Theo's brow.

Gray eyes darted over to Sparky, and for a moment, the two locked gazes, a silent communication passing between them. What the fuck are you hiding? Theo's eyes widened slightly, and he quickly looked away, his gaze shifting back to his godbrother sitting next to Sparky. "It's… private," he mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Oh." Greg frowned at that, the smile draining from his face like water from a leaky faucet. He slowly turned to face Sparky, his expression troubled. "Ummm… you mind giving us a m-" He paused, one eyebrow jumping up slightly before his brow furrowed a moment later, a thought seeming to occur to him. The golden-haired blond turned back to his pale-haired cousin, a curious look on his face. "Wait… is this secret yours or… mine?"

Sparky couldn't help but flinch slightly at the emphasis on the last word, the oddly deep near-growl in Greg's voice making both him and Theo straighten up like soldiers at attention in unison. The fuck was that about? 

Theo gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. "...yours."

The fuck. Sparky's eyes narrowed to slits, his mind whirling with the implications of that single word. If this is what I think it is…

"Then Sparky can stay," Greg answered, his blue eyes still locked onto his godbrother with a focused expression that Sparky had rarely seen on his friend's face. "He can…?" Theo glanced at Sparky again, a question clear in both his eyes and his words. One he wasted no time in voicing after a moment's pause. "He knows?"

"Depending on what it is, he knows a lot," Sparky said, once again forcing the chubby boy's attention onto him. If I think it is what it is… he thought, his mind already jumping to conclusions.

Greg nodded, his expression grim. "Sparky knows enough. But that's cause I tell him… usually."

"Usually," Sparky echoed, his voice flat.

"It's 'cause I believe in honesty, transparency, truthfulness," Greg said, his tone almost mocking.

"All lies, but okay," Sparky chimed in, his mind flashing back to all the times his friend had lied, omitted the truth, or just straight-up bullshitted his way through a situation.

Greg didn't bother answering back to that, his blue eyes still focused on Theo with the intensity of a laser beam. "Question is, how do you know, Theodor?"

"I…" Sparky watched as the nervousness peaked in Theo's face for a moment, his hands trembling at the sides of his pale blue hoodie. Then, the chubby boy let out a quick, slight breath through his nose and seemed to forcibly still himself, somehow calming down almost immediately as emotion bled out of his face and body.

Huh, Sparky blinked. That's… It was almost like the opposite of how Greg seemed to be, where the blond could jump from emotion to emotion, joking to angry in a half-second, Theo seemed to lose all emotion and just go blank. That's creepy as fuck.

"I thought I was T-Dog?" Theo questioned calmly, his gray eyes not cold, and not bored either, but definitely unbothered. Like he just flipped a switch and turned off his feelings, Sparky mused, his brow furrowing slightly.

"You might be…" Greg began, blue eyes narrowed further, his voice taking on a harder edge, "...if you tell me what I want to know."

Theo stared blankly for a moment, his expression unreadable, before he said one word. "Bathroom."

Greg blinked in confusion, and Sparky could visibly watch in real-time as Greg's face fast-forwarded through a series of emotions that he doubted Theo managed to catch a quarter of. Confusion,  realization, shock, horror, embarrassment, Sparky ticked them off in his head as they flashed across Greg's face. Finally, all the apprehension and seriousness vanished from the blond's features as his expression settled on shame. "...noooo." The stretched out word left Greg's mouth in an embarrassed whisper, his cheeks flushing a dull red.

A ghost of an actual smile flickered on Theo's face, there and gone again in an instant. "Yes."

Sparky's jaw slackened slightly as the pieces fell into place. You idiot, he thought, his eyes widening in disbelief. You absolute fucking moron.

Greg let out a slight groan, dragging his hand down his face as he did so, his fingers pulling at his skin. "...stall?" he asked, his voice muffled by his palm.

"Stall," Theo answered quickly, his tone almost smug.

This fucking idiot, Sparky repeated in his head.

"And you saw me…" Greg trailed off, his eyes squeezing shut as if he could block out the reality of the situation.

Theo nodded, a hint of amusement in his voice. "Finger guns? Yeah."

Greg inhaled loudly through his nose for a second as he rose to his feet, his hands coming to rest on his hips in a pose that was probably meant to look confident but just came across as awkward. "Did I at least look cool?" he asked, a hopeful note in his voice.

"...yes," Theo replied after a moment's hesitation, his tone suggesting that he was just humoring his godbrother.

Hands came together in a single loud clap, Greg nodding at Theo's affirmation. "I'll take it," he said, a grin spreading across his face.

Alright, this is getting annoying. Sparky chose now to chime in, rising to his feet to meet the other two, his eyes narrowing in irritation. "You're a fucking idiot, brah," he said, his voice flat and unamused.

Greg glanced over at Sparky, a look of mock hurt on his face. "...you're like a broken record, you know that?"

"Eat my dick, blondie," Sparky shot back, his tone venomous.

"You'd love that, wouldn't you?" Greg retorted, sticking his tongue out. "But enough about your dreams. Let's focus on reality."

Sparky narrowed his eyes as he pointed at Theo, his finger jabbing accusingly in the chubby boy's direction. "The reality where you exposed your identity to Augustus Gloop in a bathroom?"

"Wh-" Theo started to respond, his face twisting in indignation at the insult, but Greg spoke over him, his voice loud and fast.

"Obviously, bro, keep up. I thought I was supposed to be the fucking idiot here," he said, rolling his eyes. He turned back to face his slightly annoyed-looking cousin/godbrother, the chubby boy still glaring at Sparky. "Also, Theo, no offense."

"Some taken," Theo replied, his tone clipped.

Sparky shot him a look with glazed-over eyes, matching Theo's look of disdain with one of boredom. "You'll get over it, Chunk," he drawled, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Gray eyes narrowed in his direction. "...is the only reason you're so rude is because you think you look like a girl?" Theo asked, his voice deceptively calm.

Sparky twitched, involuntarily taking a single step  forward, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. Motherfucker, he thought, his blood boiling in his veins. After a moment, he caught himself before he took another step, noticing Greg staring at him with slight worry and widened eyes. He got me, he actually got me, he thought to himself, forcing himself to take a deep breath. He glanced down at his own clenched fists before he looked up again at the fat teen on the other side of the coffee table.

There was silence for a moment, the tension thick enough to cut with a knife.

"Good hit," Sparky finally said, a grin spreading across his face. Then he laughed, the sound harsh and bitter. "... I like you." Chubs has an edge, okay. And he struck a nerve, he admitted to himself, a grudging respect blooming in his chest.

"...I don't hate you," Theo replied, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"That's all I need," Sparky shot him a slight smile that the other boy reciprocated, a silent understanding passing between them.

Greg glanced between both of them, his head snapping back and forth like a tennis match, his blond hair flopping with each movement. At the end of the exchange, he grinned at the both of them, his teeth flashing white in the light of the living room. "You know what's happening here? We're sailing a friendship."

"What?" "Huh?" Sparky and Theo both glanced at him, confusion clear on their faces, their eyebrows knitting together in near-identical expressions of bewilderment.

"The S.S. Get Along," Greg clarified with a wide grin.

The living room was silent for a good few seconds as both boys blinked at him, the only sound in the room coming from the commercial for Mucinex blaring loudly on the television, the animated mucus monster's voice grating on Sparky's nerves.

This guy… Sparky thought, his eyes rolling skyward, his lips twisting into a grimace.

"Bite me, both of you," Greg pulled a face at the clear lack of appreciation for his joke, bottom lip jutting out in an exaggerated pout. "Theo, is that it? That why you here?"

The other blond raised his eyebrows, his expression shifting from confusion to something more serious. "Well… yeah, I wanted to help you with your… work."

"My work," Greg echoed, nodding with a sudden solemnity that Sparky knew was more affected than anything else.

"Our work," Sparky corrected, his voice firm.

"Our work?" Theo shot him a curious glance, his head tilting to the side, his gray eyes questioning.

Sparky didn't hesitate. 

The olive-skinned boy leapt up and back, his long hair fanning out behind him as he curled his body backwards in a flip, his feet leaving the ground and nearly grazing the high ceiling before he landed behind the couch by the stairs, knees bending to absorb the impact. He straightened up, a smirk playing on his lips as he took in Theo's wide-eyed expression.

"Our work," he repeated, his voice smug as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"...oh." The chubby blond nodded slowly, the movement still slightly unsteady as he kept his gaze locked onto Sparky, his mouth hanging open slightly in shock.

"Yeah," Sparky said, his smirk widening, his eyebrows rising in a silent challenge.

"Yeah," Greg echoed with a smile, drawing Theo's attention again, his voice cheerful. "I know you came here to help me, Theo. But I have a counter-offer."

"Counter-offer?" Theo blinked, clearly confused at the wording, his brow furrowing once more.

"Ignore that," Sparky cut in, walking around the couch to stand at Greg's side again, his strides long and purposeful. He delivered a punch to the other boy's arm, his fist connecting with a solid thunk. "He's been watching too much CAPES."

Greg rubbed his arm, his eyes narrowing as he shot Sparky a glare that the other boy rolled his eyes at, well aware that Greg didn't even feel that. Drama queen, he thought, a snort of laughter escaping his lips.

"Like I was saying," Greg began again, his voice louder, his tone insistent. "My counter-offer…"

Theo nodded slowly again, his expression still uncertain. "Yeah?"

"You wanna be a cape, Theo?"