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The First World Sphere (Book 1, 2 and 3) (Patreon)

Published:
2022-11-02 22:25:52
Edited:
2024-04-01 16:24:26
Imported:

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Content

This is the rewrite in progress...

Comments

Silver Beard

A2C11... thanks for sharing. Too much coin changing hands to write off for baubles. Likely too late really but should sell off a weapon or two. Couple really big paydays would alleviate most oversight. Recall Pascal couldn't compete with his 'new' blade... b/c of it's worth?! That's the kind of payday Callem (he) needs to justify all this money spent.

Silver Beard

Would have though the Aether Shield might have had a temp evolution. Say he was shielding from Fireball... wouldn't the shield have a temp regulation perk? Save from the flames only to roast?

alwaysrollsaone
>>100215076

He is still using Wynna and Callem as cover for expenses. But yes the amount is suspect. FYI Callem and Wynna won a fair amount on Gareth as well. The MC is getting close to drawing unwanted attention. I am doing a POV for Loriel chap and it will show some of this

alwaysrollsaone
>>100215221

The aether shield is dungeon spellbook as well so no evolutions are detailed. Also being the aether sphere of magic evolutions are very flexible, so yes it is possible. But it just starts out as a 1 meter disc

Silver Beard

I'm wondering at what point will his spell list exceed his 'known' (what he has lied about so far) core potential and/or what his obfuscate will be known to a blatant lie. Seems a likely chance of getting caught.... Even if he's under but close; see a lot of doors closing in his face at Dungeon academy b/c he's wasted the bulk of his potential on a 'frivilous T4)

Silver Beard
>>100215076

still think getting Callem to sell off some of his 'private stock' (to be replaced/improved versions) by MC would go a long way to hiding future 'big ticket' expenses.

Silver Beard
>>100221580

He hasn't exactly been keeping anything secret. Pretty sure everything is on the table at this point save the dimension closet... but his close friends know, and it could be 'taken' from them one way or another.... and then the game will be up.

alwaysrollsaone
>>100215076

Referring to his personal collection of weapons? His metal shaping skills are suspect by Aldon but he can just plead out that it is a spell at point. The exquisite weapons that he can produce is still mostly a secret. The next instance of him using that was going to be outfitting his delving team. But yes it is a possible big revenue source for the MC. I was going to focus on a steady trickle of enchanted items to cover expenses

alwaysrollsaone
>>100221580

Yeah Loriel is going to figure some things out in the next few chapters. I haven’t decided on her ultimate motivations yet. I was originally thinking she was hoping to change Skyholme for the better but she isn’t afraid to use people to achieve her goals

Silver Beard

Pretty sure you meant [Gareth] entered following his nose...not Calleum. During the fight he broke Leon's kneecap but he still ran away? Hobbled at best...

alwaysrollsaone
>>100642596

nice catch...two Callem's changed to Gareth. and Leon now 'stumbled, fell and crawled away'. almost done with the next chapter and will post the corrections to this one when I post the new one

Exchao

Ch: 59 “Lorien’s POV”: Nope. Still can’t stand her. The POV may have made me like her less (although admittedly I didn’t like her at all before that) because she seems to just be using people. Which, I guess, is exactly what she is doing. I realize that that’s how she is used to seeing people interact with others but still — she just seems to have no redeeming qualities.

alwaysrollsaone
>>100688087

ouch not even sympathy. so one of my possible finales for arc 2 was Storme coming and being all bad ass murderhobo and saving her....you wouldn't like that?

Aleyte
>>100688087

Idk if that would throw the power scale sideways….if she needed to be rescued when not even her wolfguard can save her then it would imply Storme is way above strictly regulated elite guards? I might be assuming too much tho

alwaysrollsaone

Looking for a good build in the next 20 chaps. I have hinted at lightning reflexes overdrive mode. I was thinking maybe an abduction attempt by Abaddon using a low lands adventuring team. Storme finds out and gets on their skyship and tears through them. Just spitballing. The next 20 chaps are Storme growing his confidence fighting and leveling his spells so he can convince himself dungeon delving is on the table

DANTE
>>100688087

Idk man, Lorien sound like probes for no gain whatsoever, the "favor" she did to Storme was more of an headhacke than anything, she is deeply involved in politics and Storme wants to stay out of sing while she keep on putting him on the spotlights, I understand Storme is a pushover but there is a limit where it just become frustrating to read

alwaysrollsaone
>>100688087

Storme has become more assertive the since the tourney. At least that was how I hope it came out. He is still struggling with his old conceptions of sex / age but he is finally taking control. The Loriel chap was to show two things.first that the cover of callem and Wynna was working for the coin expenditure. The second was to show that Loriel wasn’t an evil person. I was hoping to bring her as the plot focus to close the second arc. If enough people don’t like the direction I can think of something else. I have two other ideas. But I want to keep storm in Skyholme for the third arc as he builds his skyship and begins dungeon delving.

Silver Beard
>>100688087

Some good up front- Mithril Coins being an actual thing (hypothetically)... as his Core matures he should try stockpiling some of these. Epic bribe/gambling money! As for Loriel- I don't hate her but neither do I see where she could ever fit in with Storm's future. To be even considered husband 'worthy' for her (opponents)- he would almost certainly be required to attend the Capital Academy at a min- and the game would quickly be up from there. No freedom, etc. Flip side she'd have to give up substantial power, wealth, and influence to really enter his circle. After considerable thought- more time than this post. She'd be a great addition IF she could submit herself to his rule. He needs a capable manger/merchant to hand stuff. She could be it.. IF

Silver Beard
>>100693982

Should be some focus on outfitting his adventure team. Sale of some Mithril blades, etc. could go a long way to eliminating any future coin purchases, etc. You want him in Skyholme for arc 3- well this is the way to do it leveraging his gifts. Stop making shiny new coins and make weapons of war... and sell them. Boost his enchanting to a new level, etc. Might over-inflate the value of some dungeon loot; but is what it is.

Silver Beard

To build a skyship he's going to (at least for appearances) need to own a few blacksmiths. It won't be enough to just give coin- for the best he's going to need to give them the best materials...

Silver Beard
>>100784181

Should go after retired blacksmiths. End of your career- impossible to get mats- folks just want one offs... or serve someone who can give potentially unlimited mats? What old Master craftsman wouldn't refuse that lure?

Silver Beard
>>100693982

40-80 chapters out I'd say he could bend genetics and resolve the Wolfgaurd infertility issue. It would put a stick up the ass of every Noble... the lure of sex over loyalty. lmao. Formerly the very obvious white Runt... trying to do cloak and dagger to hide her 8-10 bulging teats, etc. and then there's her scent too which has to be masked.

DANTE
>>100693982

what are the specific of the metal manipulation ability? can Storme use it at distance or trough other metal? if yes he can just break the equipment of his enemy, he could also use a spell that let him charge his blade/staff with electricity and discharge on contact with the enemy

Silver Beard

C60. Several things. First the indentured ring predisposes the slave to the Master- why can she still be a hellion on the obstacle course to him and why should he feel anything from her reaction to his injury- she literally has no choice but to feel the way she does? I sense a great bit of fictional variance in how such a 'bond' is supposed to work.

Silver Beard
>>101220061

Next is the teenager hormonal BS. Kudos to author for managing this so far.

Silver Beard
>>101220061

Finally, I'm wondering why he hasn't pulled Calleum aside for the late-night spar. Training alone in combat seems to a sure-fire pathway to failure. What is he trying to be... a 'blender'>? There's fast reactions and there's muscle memory... and he's not exercising them equally. Thought he was supposed to be the smart one?

Silver Beard
>>101220061

hoping this lack of coin making is prelude to something more long lasting. Sale of a weapon or chunk of mithril perhaps? We know one 'mithril' is 10K gold... so 1K platinum. A single sale....

alwaysrollsaone
>>101220061

she can not harm him directly or through her actions. it always depends on how you look at training...it is an attempt to improve oneself. also he has given her a few commands like 'you can do what you want'...don't remember exactly what he said when he first got the ring but it was worded to give her a lot of leeway

alwaysrollsaone
>>101220061

that domino (first love interest) is going to fall fairly soon. it is not going to be Aelyn though...

alwaysrollsaone
>>101220061

i am in fact writing this at the moment...they are in a private training room in Aegis city....(Callem training him while on lightning reflexes)

alwaysrollsaone
>>101220061

i was just trying to highlight that he was splitting his efforts between making coin or becoming a more skilled warrior...the foreshadowing for the MC has been there. first he was like hedonistic life all the way! then he needed to be able to defend himself...then he kind of liked fighting and winning in front of these crowds...then he wanted an airship and his own dungeon team....next step is to participate in dungeon devling and then go all bad ass leader warrior mage....slow burn write

alwaysrollsaone
>>100693982

it has a range limit, i think it was mentioned somewhere at 3 feet, or an arm's length...i don't have it in my notes. it is technically a touch-based ability but he can manipulate a piece of metal he is in contact with out a few feet

Silver Beard

C61... nice- thanks for hearing, including, and sharing.

Silver Beard
>>101357306

Ofc now he's got to mate with someone, Mia is my top pick; to throw off all the other 'ladies' gunning for his seed. Though if he could impregnate the white wolf the chaos could be delicious.

Sean Otto

Really enjoying the story. Thank you.

Michael Masters

quite enjoyed chapter 63 , do your best . . . give it your all and remember have fun and do not lose

alwaysrollsaone

That two four hours to write so thanks. I am halfway through the second arc and trying to bring the antagonist into play without being too obvious

Michael Masters

Loved Every. single , Detail ! .

Jack

I feel like Storme would be better off with a Falchion if you want a single edged blade or a standard Longsword since it would give him a lot more flexibility with Half Swording

alwaysrollsaone
>>103265433

since he can not use shield I went with two-handed weapon. The falchion blade is similar to what he is wielding...single edge, long, curved. I would say his sword blade is somewhere between a falchion and katana...but doesn't belong in either camp. If I remember on the edit I will add that to the creation paragraph...writing next chapter now

Aleyte

Chapter 22 is gone and Chapter 23 cuts off midway through

alwaysrollsaone

hi Aleyte, i didnt have any trouble loading those chapters on the first world sphere. let me know if you still have an issue

Aleyte

Chapter 22 still doesnt show and chapter 23 ends around „isla is on the second floor“ and then u have 2 lines of text with just bullet points like „hire five cooks, aether shield hit level 11“

Aleyte

Im on my ipad, might be the issue. I will try it on my pc edit: removed because fixed

alwaysrollsaone
>>103300071

that is the chapter I am currently working on...you are talking about arc 2 ....give me a sec I was checking arc 1

alwaysrollsaone
>>103300124

thanks! should be fixed now...chapter 23 will be posted in around 3 hours and chapter 24 late tonight

alwaysrollsaone
>>103300124

should be correct when you reload. i deleted chap 22 this morning to post an edited version. i mistakingly posted my progress on 23 instead of the 22 with the edits. but should be good now

Michael Masters

Nom Nom nice , thank you for 71 , 72 and 73 good reading

Michael Masters

Thank you good read , remember All ways tip your server for good service !, loved the ending of chapter 77 .

Abraham

Welp i lost 8 bucks. I got the samsung flip 3 but I can't open any files to read stuff. I don't have computer i use my phone to read litrpgs.

alwaysrollsaone
>>105129598

The Microsoft office app should be free to use and allow you to open and view word docs. You only have to pay and login to the app for business applications. Let me know if you have trouble

Scientist Valci

In chapter 62 arc 2 16 why didn't he scan the elf and all the contestants. It seems you or the mc keep forgetting about the ability in the most useful times.

alwaysrollsaone
>>105652831

its me, i should add that in. as long as he is range I should have him clock the the person. thanks!

Silver Beard

There was talk of visiting Sebastion and a spare stone to hand off; but I don't recall that visit/conversation ever happening...only that a Shaper showed up for a job as a result?

Silver Beard

ch 85 was great! Thanks for sharing

Silver Beard

88ish. Wasn't his delve leader only sticking around to see her freed? Idk about getting Mom freed...asking for trouble there

alwaysrollsaone
>>106924368

He got an exchange teleport essence and another one that allows him to recover aether quicker and channel more aether safely. He hasn't used them yet-waiting to confirm they are what he was told

alwaysrollsaone
>>106924368

he can add more than one as they are pure essence from a dungeon....back when Wynna talked bout using dungeon essences to add abilities. elixirs or magic not created in a dungeon are suspect to working. i will have the reveal in tonights chapter ----just posted the completed chapter 88 --4400 words enjoy!

Aleyte

Chapter 89 has 3 bulletpoints at the end instead of whole sentences, might be for the next chapter or you might have accidentally uploaded an older version

alwaysrollsaone
>>106963234

Thanks Yeah just didn’t delete them. Notes for events…it was almost midnight when I finished the chap. Will delete in a bit. There shouldn’t have been any spoilers

Silver Beard

Banking on Exchange first. IDK the one impacting Aether return rate seems like the loser version of doing it yourself. Dungeon cheat for those too lazy/stupid to do it on their own or past the point of core formation...

alwaysrollsaone
>>107011834

If he only had two solid chances to use dungeon essences should he use a tier 2 and tier 3? Or look for something better. I was thinking the exchange might be golden for Bleiz. A bodyguard that can pull you from danger instantly? I know it is a kick ass ability for the MC but he could always learn the teleport spell….. let me know what you think

Gage Ostrander

I don't know why but I really don't like Gareth. To me he comes off as a selfish a**, who only uses Storme. I also feel that if Storme ever outgrows his seemingly a-sexual nature, that Gareth wouldn't hesitate to sleep with Storme's significant other, we seemingly already got a hint of that from the incident with the twins. I really love the story though. With my only problems being the selfish prick Gareth and Storme's anti-social behavior. Stories get boring when you spend so much time in the MC's head and not in the story itself. Either way those are my personal hang-ups, overall it's a fun read.

Silver Beard
>>107011834

Comes back to the reason nobody claimed it. I agree it would be great for Bliez...but does he have the Aether to make use of it? As is he'd need to train his ass off to build his core to use it once...and use nothing else?

Silver Beard
>>107102804

I agree Gareth seems like dead weight that only gets worse as MC levels the playing field that Gareth dominated initially. A stalwart friend is not to be ignored but he's so socially immature...hard sale atm. Just a matter of time until Gareth's sex drive betrays him. Grow up or dead in a hurry now

Jon P

I agree, the author has done a good job growing Gareth from a loyal friend to a bit of a mooch with no care for others. I was surprised with the twin thing given his previous loyalty, which is where we are seeing that loyalty is turning into Gareth taking storme for granted.

alwaysrollsaone
>>107102804

I actually love this thread. Strong emotions for a character means I am doing something right. So writing Gareth from my perspective was a young friend that Storme worked to be loyal from a young age. But Gareth became the dreaded teenager....and now with his success of winning the pre-Academy Annuals I was writing him like a self-entitled jock. One piece the readers are missing are the gifts and requests of nobles wanting to sponsor him at academy. So far he has been loyal to just Storme and ignored these letters and gifts. The womanizing was only a natural course for him as he is extremely desirable with his looks and combat ability in this society. He will experience character growth eventually but the slow pace right now makes it hard to make leaps. Storme already made a huge jump since first year Academy in taking charge of his destiny. Just a warning Gareth is going to make more mistakes!

Silver Beard

Ch91.. not fan of this direction. Starting a prison arc? On the word of a couple low lives MC is going to illegally board a Kingdom Warship and harass its Capt? Sabotage? Commit treason. Got a few days to plan.. Hopefully recover his reason.

alwaysrollsaone
>>107473685

I was thinking the opposite. The bricios were going to start their coup attempt and Storme and company was going to oppose them…or get dragged into the fighting

Silver Beard
>>107473685

Storme and crew would need to 'discover' overwhelming evidence of treason/treachery on the warship.

alwaysrollsaone
>>107473685

I was thinking the Bricios were already going to be starting their coup. I mentioned that Loriel said when a bunch of ships fled the capital island something would be happening. So that event was going to take place when they were investigating Abaddon's ship---which is moored at the Bircio estate by the dungeon they turned over to the Miadens to cover debts---the Bricios ******spoiler***** have been raising their own Wolfguard using the dungeon.......but not sure if that works yet.....have to write it out and see how it feels. the last chapter definatey needs a content edit

Aaron Banta

92 is much better

lucas rodger (edited)

Comment edits

2023-05-12 01:42:41 93 It took me a moment to decide. No, let’s go. I said, moving past Callem. missing " > It took me a moment to decide. "No, let’s go." I said, moving past Callem.
2023-05-07 19:29:59 93 It took me a moment to decide. No, let’s go. I said, moving past Callem. missing " > It took me a moment to decide. "No, let’s go." I said, moving past Callem.

93 It took me a moment to decide. No, let’s go. I said, moving past Callem. missing " > It took me a moment to decide. "No, let’s go." I said, moving past Callem.

Silver Beard

93..why the hesitation on heals? Restoration or flash heal...the question is how much mana not speed?! Then Lightening Reflexs...hoping MC finds his balls soon and man ups.

alwaysrollsaone
>>108261005

his is going in, just a minor hangup killing another person that is going away very soon. i actually forgot about the instant heal...I was going to write his indecision was due to the time it would take to heal. lightning reflexes does not accelerate the aether flow so spells take the same amount of time to cast. he has quick cast on the aether shield spell so he can use that one while lightning reflexes is active

Silver Beard
>>108261005

so flash to Aerlyn and restoration to Callem; that said hope he overpowers restoration...evolves it one the spot

corefish66

95 ehh that was a really random betrayal and just seemed to be done for shock factor rather then anything else

alwaysrollsaone
>>108497496

More feedback will help as I can edit but I was thinking forward to the bonus chap with the Aelyn point of view

corefish66
>>108497496

But she isn’t really choosing to save her mom over storme he already set it up so they could escape. Her taking the gem just feels out of character almost.

Jack
>>108497496

What’s the point in taking the stone at all, seems random and unnecessary

Silver Beard

97... no Capt's launch? Needs a carriage size portable. Suppose the 'hover bike' could be seen as an escape pod of the direst mean. Also needs a true air-lock- sacrifice a cabin need be. Convert to Armory / Air Lock... funny you got soldiers but no setup for Marines

Silver Beard
>>108497496

Not caring how Lioel rationalizes it; if it were known publicly... Storme would have no recourse but to abandon the Isles and likely anyone associated with him too. It's a head-ache he didn't ask for that's being forced on him

alwaysrollsaone
>>109237737

The origonal plans for the Wind Splitter were a dark elf heavy tranport to take goods from the inner Sphere to outer Sphere. It is a fairly small ship considering. In the rewrite I will try to note the space is at a premium.

Scientist Valci
>>108497496

You know they could have just strolled out of the citadel. The panic and combat would almost guaranty that it wouldn't be hard. As another option would be for the mom to just use an invisibility potion while going out of the Citadel. Another option would be to do nothing. He is literally the hero that killed the main 2 bad guys and was the reason Skyholme survived, what is one prisoner for such a feat. If you still choose for the escape at least add some doubt to the MC actions, before he drops the stone, because it was very obvious something wasn't right with the way the mom acted. Lastly why didn't Aelyn read her mothers mind and notice her betrayal? Such betrayals shouldn't be possible with Aelyn as an ally.

Scientist Valci

Is it just me or it's weird how Stormy didn't think about Tessa at all while in the Citadel? He has shown to be very impulsive and protective of Tessa(signs of love) in every occasion so far, why was he not panicking about her safety at all once he had a chance to help. Is it because she didn't contact him after the kiss?, but she was probably overwhelmed with the civil war brewing.

alwaysrollsaone
>>109551991

i will try to add some indecision in on the edit. he chose aelyn over her but should still show some indecision

Silver Beard

Not sure how training a combat pet fits with his 'leave the delving' to others initial approach. I think we'd all like to see Storme as center spot of a delving entity; but he's got a lot of assets on the board, a lot of enemies, and a clear way to manage both without risking himself. Hard sale no matter what. T5 Lightening Elemental is easy though. Especially curious he wasn't researching his cultivation technique. Surely the low-lands know how to power their Mages... I would have thought that would be top of his list vs another spell

Silver Beard

Forget the new spell- source some Adamantine... and potential buyers for his Mithril.

Silver Beard

I have trouble seeing him attend a mage academy as a Capt of his own warship. The two just don't jive. He and his companions are leagues ahead of his peers. Why bother hobbling yourself for crumbs when you can be making bank doing instead of 'learning'? He's got the means to go anywhere- the Skyholme academy is likely geared for only Skyholme Dungeons and any low land they had access too. Now he's a free agent with the Sphere as his playground.. surely there are better options?!

alwaysrollsaone
>>110617093

the third arc going to have him exploring the Sphere and delving dungeons on his 'off days'. he will be be picking up the basics of delving from the academy but yes I do not see him lasting a full seven year cycle at the academy. he might 'transfer' to a much more advanced academy in the lowlands after exploring a bit and feeling out some of the cities. there is still the skyholme politics and access to the upper levels of the Black Spire (arch mages lab/library) that are part of the deeper plot. Skyholme is slowly changing to a friendly trade city so the Shiny Platinum is a good base of operations that he can return to.

Silver Beard

Ch 105 - Thinking this will be where he's going to be hard pressed to hide the size of his matrix. It's not just pretending to run out; but surely the instructors will recognize spell evolutions...and how many he has. Also there are the spells he displayed at the Noble Duel he didn't disclose...that will surely come to light.

Silver Beard
>>111447911

Pretty curious that cycling techniques weren't a course option or requirement. He hasn't been exercising enough to grow his matrix and I would have thought that would be a 'big deal' for any young mage who has not yet hit their cap.

alwaysrollsaone
>>111447911

i like that track. just got back from the family reunion and I will have the meeting with his advisor ferret out some things

alwaysrollsaone
>>111447911

He does his aether exercises regularly and his matrix will grow with him...I think I wrote it takes about ten years for a spell matrix to mature with his aether core. As I write it makes adding spells more gradually as well so now that he is close to his current cap we can focus on the story and world building for the third arc

Silver Beard

A3Ch10- should give up his knowledge of Aether Shield- the Nobles saw it...a pittance. Perhaps not weapons; but mithril bars/coins might go a lot further than platinum; specially making friends in the lowlands. Rather than a weaponsmith...a supplier likely gets as much respect. Never question the 'purity' of his product. Surprised he hasn't found a source of Adamantine to experiment with. Finally- he doesn't need coin 'yet'. Seems he wastes an enormous amount of mana on coin production that could be used to level his spells or on matrix cycling.

Silver Beard
>>111585455

Oh and he needs to nip the lending money to his buddy in the ass ASAP. Thin line? He's well over it already. Longer he waits the worse it's going to be. He'll be asking Storme to help with child support for all the Bastards he's making. That'll be an unpleasant read

Silver Beard
>>111585455

Maybe ask his advisor for a reliable source of 'salt-peter' and have Bliez regularly dose Gareth for a few months.

alwaysrollsaone

The nobles saw it in the duel with Baladon. It was not public. My feeling is they would not disclose it unless they wanted to harm the noble in the duel. That would only be the Bricio’s who fled. If he used it somewhere else in public then maybe. I do like the idea of selling mithril to the lowlands. He has a trip coming up to find a better crystal for the Maelstrom to the lowlands. Mithril is used more in enchanting than as a curreny but ten times as valuable as platinum. The Gareth-Storme relationship is a plot point. Spoiler…. It will get rocky…blow up…and reconcile.

alwaysrollsaone

Adamite as well….will introduce that on the trip to the lowlands

Steve W

105 “small small matrix” -> small spell matrix

Steve W (edited)

Comment edits

2023-06-28 02:06:47 106 “ It was opening a look of possibilities for the spell. ” look -> lot
2023-06-27 11:06:59 106 “ It was opening a look of possibilities for the spell. ” look -> lot

106 “ It was opening a look of possibilities for the spell. ” look -> lot

Steve W (edited)

Comment edits

2023-06-28 02:06:46 106 “ Looking through the book, I did not have buyer’s regret” did not have -> did have some.
2023-06-27 11:10:49 106 “ Looking through the book, I did not have buyer’s regret” did not have -> did have some.

106 “ Looking through the book, I did not have buyer’s regret” did not have -> did have some.

alwaysrollsaone
>>111615597

thanks for the edits! working on them now. this is actually correct. i will expand on it though in the edit. basically the book was a research book compiling the relevant info

Steve W

Gotcha, sounded like the book was plagiarizing other books with some notes. I guess if the notes are the real value it makes sense.

Steve W

108 “My enchanting work and the blade construction were close to perfect from what I had researched and practiced. In” This is missing something.

Steve W (edited)

Comment edits

2023-07-12 22:17:18 108 He is allows looking for talent and lives at the Shiny Platinum,“ allows -> always
2023-07-02 06:30:51 108 He is allows looking for talent and lives at the Shiny Platinum,“ allows -> always

108 He is allows looking for talent and lives at the Shiny Platinum,“ allows -> always

Steve W

I’m second hand irked at Gareth.

alwaysrollsaone
>>111998077

Is this a correction? Or a thought? Gareth is entering his own personal character development. The relationship with Storme will fracture, and they will go their separate ways as Gareth matures on his own. Basically, my thoughts on Gareth are he is roughly 15 years old mentally, in the body of an 18-year-old. He has no adult supervision and is on his own-no parents-no Callem mentor-less contact with Storme. With as much power and potential as he has he is going to lose his way for a bit.

Silver Beard

109. Silence [reigned] for a while between us. [Took them a well] to haul all those stones out (don't know about this one... 'while' instead of well or was it 'hell' to bring out the stone?). Top marks for holding in anger; [Edited: took to time to read all the 'other' comments last few weeks and saw the spoiler update on Gareth and other comments.] Still got to wonder though what Gareth will be tempted to reveal if they split. If he reveals what he knows, will Storme even be able to stay in Skyholme? I wouldn't think so...

Silver Beard
>>111447911

Ah- but he still has the 2nd Essence... if he's not going to develop his cycling technique further... perhaps he should use it.

Steve W
>>111998077

Oh, it’s a thought. He’s super irritating at this point which is exactly what you’re going for I believe.

Steve W

109 last three paragraphs read like your notes that got left in.

alwaysrollsaone
>>112349249

Chapter is not done. Those are notes what is going to happen when I flesh it out. Ran out of time but I am one chapter short of the goal for posting so posted what I had

Silver Beard

Ch110-111 I'm a little lost on why he doesn't make platinum or even a little mithril and then exchange it for the gold he needs? Cecilia and Leda know he's stepping into his own Merchant ventures; so Loriel will just have to keep guessing.

alwaysrollsaone
>>112516360

I agree. He even mentioned he was planning to do just that I think. I will edit it so does that before leaving and he only plans to create some gold to have on hand. The trip was just to fool Loriel and check on his trade possibilites

Silver Beard

Ch111 Calleam is likely to tell him set Gareth loose to learn on his own. Great power- great responsibility... but Gareth has been using Storme as his crutch and he's outgrown it.. and moved on. Sadly this POS has not put reality with fantasy...and the only real wake up call he'll get is the one he's faced with...say 5-10 fathers looking after their impregnated daughters.\?!

Silver Beard
>>112604644

I still have an issue with Gareth privy to all Storme's secrets being let loose. Fragile equilibrium that's he's got; Gareth could truly fuck him over with a reveal wanted or unwanted of his stats/skills.

Silver Beard
>>112604644

Can we safely say the day Gareth, drunk, goes his own way... the Maelstrom books up 6 months of supply and heads out East?

alwaysrollsaone
>>112604644

i have a few ideas kicking around how it is going to play out. i think maybe he is going to try to start his own delve team or join a different one to start.

Silver Beard
>>112604644

Come on..he's barely a teenager- he'll spill Storme's secrets for a tankard and a piece of pussy pie. The big idiot can't help himself....which is whole problem.

Silver Beard

I know you've been positioning him to not quest for the quest crystal- but in LITRP realms- you might as well setup a NEON sign post telling every idiot in the realm what up for grabs and who's trying out.

Silver Beard
>>112611633

the public types aren/t he problem- the secretive typs will be; espcially if he keeps being this stupid.

alwaysrollsaone

I saw a post in my email notifications about banning? Don't see it here though. Don't think I have banned anyone

alwaysrollsaone
>>112604644

Need to have some conflict in the arc so Gareth will be part of it. I do not think he is going to betray Storme but he is definitely going to find out things are not always greener on the other side of the fence

alwaysrollsaone
>>112611633

Not sure who he has told about the Heart Stone crystal outside of Loriel knowing. I think he has kept it pretty quiet. Of course if you are referring to seeking to buy the very expensive ether crystal in Callisto federation there are pirates in the Sphere....

Ha dug

God I love this story and it’s the reason I got the patreon but the paranoia is getting out of control. He seriously needs to get a handle on it because it’s just making me skim any time he descends into one of his paranoia induced rants about how everyone’s out to get him even though their just obviously just trying to gain a political or even regular friend or ally. I love the story it’s just without a reason to have the paranoia around anymore it’s getting really old and I hope he finds a way to get the sense beaten into him because god

alwaysrollsaone
>>113021428

But he is not hiding. He is moving forward. He is just thinks Loriel has double motives and hates when she gets the best of him. Next chapter she plays her cards and he finds out what she wants

Naoggeddon

What's the best way to track editing of past chapters?

alwaysrollsaone
>>113368414

Royal Road is the place. The problem with Patreon is I have to post chapters in order. So if I edit chapter 3 here I have to delete all the chapters and repost them....takes a while since they do not always upload in order

ADONUS GREEN

Thank you for the story!

Silver Beard

Ch114; lots of room to play this arc; but a lot of headache too. Going to be interesting to see how author spends the MC's time. Breaking into the Tower seems like the most profitable (could be another giant mana crystal powering the defenses that he could take for Maelstrom) and the biggest gamble but to keep the option open he'll have to come up with a ton of cash which will put his 'exploration' dreams on hold to say nothing of upgrading current crystal in the Maelstrom, etc. As if his life wasn't complicated before?

Silver Beard
>>113541806

Given his affinity for Healing- enabling the 'old' farmers back to fighting shape seems like a win, win... if he can do it. All the headaches a 'full' adult would have while still having to attend school. What a mess.

Naoggeddon

Whatever happened to using chronomancy on his aether core?

alwaysrollsaone
>>113570550

truth be known that was just a tool for the author to explain how the MC knew the time and time elapsed in the dungeons. it is basically a waizards internal watch

Silver Beard

Ch115 8) Shall be paid a fair wage for any future service rendered at his discretion [he's still being asked to enchant the Wasps for free]. 9) Some set term of residency...a set amount of time he's required to be local otherwise he might never be able to leave for more than a long weekend which would seriously hamper his plan. Better to get out in front of it than wait for the Ruling body to issue one.

Silver Beard

Ch115~ I know he wants the Lightening Elemental; but he should be leveraging his Healing affinity for something that can restore the wounded Wolf-guard to full functionality. He might not be ready for it; but what tier Healing spell could he possibly learn for the same points the elemental will cost? Tier 7-10? Never read a story where healers were poor unless it was on purpose. Legitimately good way to make coin and justify a significant body-guard contingent.

Chris

It threw me off and I was confused as the file name is 114 but it says chapter 15 in the text

alwaysrollsaone

Arc 3 chap 15? or did I miss label something?

Brandon Anderson

I find it really funny in Chapter 116 Loriel wants Storm to sing the papers and not sign them. If this is spelling mistake please keep it, and in another chapter have Storm found out that he agreed to sing the contract (Maybe during one of the two required events).

Silver Beard

Ch 118; you specifically noted that 4 Wolfsgaurd were missing from the assembly but then immediately added them back in for healing. Like the story direction. (Almost certain to give Loriel and a major headache in 3-6 mos). Hope this next trade mission to Llorth is a huge success. Needs his Aether for grinding restoration, enchanting, and weapons; not making coins.

Daniel Slabo

Just wanted to say I've enjoyed the story so far. Thanks for all the writing!

Silver Beard

Ch 121... only complaint I have is MC doesn't groom the cats much. I've been around cats before... and there's no better bonding ritual than grooming... and he's hasn't done any of it. Continue to treat them like wild animals...and that's likely what you'll end up with

Silver Beard

Healing too... he's always healing others...what about his own? His Cats? His Delve Team? How many shit heals has he found in masses and fixed... but can't be bothered to make sure his own are 100%?! Idiot

Silver Beard

Talking about Dungeons... what happened to the Essence tax? If he has unfettered access for a full day so all Essence taken is free now? Delve to Core!

penarys

Just finished reading the whole story. I found it after Soldier's Life and it was a great pleasure! Thank you very much, Always. If I may ask, what are the plans for this story going forward?

penarys

Nice, thank you!

alwaysrollsaone
>>115334607

essence seizure...yeah the dungeon is not guarded so he could get out of the dungeon with them and give them to his team to boost them. dungeon is 7 levels deep and the next two chapters i think will be him delving-not to seventh level yet (needs Bleiz back at his side). but the dungeon is going to be a great way to level his offensive spells. debating on when i want to do the assault on the pirate ship.

1536539

Thank you for the chapter, i have been thinking، if tier 3 healing spells like lesser restoration can already regenerate tissue, can tier 5 or 6 spells regenerate a better tissue than what was lost?

alwaysrollsaone
>>116129026

Altering tissue like what he did with the eyes of Delphia took numerous evolutions of the lesser restoration spell. Higher level spells are more powerful versions, working faster and starting higher on the evolution tree. So when I thought of spell system originally.…not that I did a great job following this.….tier 2 spell started out as powerful as a tier 1 spell was after ten evolutions (level 23)

1536539
>>116129026

So then if he could do that, and he can accurately scan a person’s body with the diagnose function from mend flesh, can he scan people with enhanced body traits and mimic the effects to make himself and his allies stronger? I mean it’s biomancy rather than healing at that point but it is already established that healing also includes body enhancement(the sculpting ability that the dead girl he had a crush on had + Delphia’s eyes).

alwaysrollsaone
>>116129026

Yeah -no. Too powerful for tier 3 spell. I will have to change it that her eyesight was damg when she was young and he just healed it

Chris

123 is number 124 in file

Silver Beard

Chpt 124 I healed dozens [hundreds] Storme forgetting a dozen names is BS... but a few hundred which is consistent with the first clinic makes more sense.

Silver Beard

chpt 124... maybe he can quit all the BS out and just ask Loriel what her acting skill is at...and share it's not good enough. Distant 2nd is to share he's a tier 3 past life... if she knew she was negotiating with someone with 30 more years of life experience... at least 25 more than she has... it would clear the vastness between them

Silver Beard
>>116678060

The banter, flirting was fun at the start; but now it's like he's a pedofile hunting a child... which is just gross. I know it's fiction and all; but he's playing with her... how else would you categorize what a 4-50+ does to a teenager? Need to nip this trait in the butt in a hurry. Suspect your porn story is bleeding in... not good at all

1536539

Thank you for the chapter, I can’t really blame Gareth for drifting away, the MC has marginalized him ever since he outgrew him by a good margin, he stopped seeing him as a peer, no longer respects his opinions and views his actions and concerns as beneath him. I’m not saying Gareth was not immature and made plenty of bad decisions, but for all his flaws, he is (or at least was) the better friend in their relationship.

alwaysrollsaone
>>116684403

he needs time to grow on his own too. trying to start a business and be responsible for other people's lives in a dungeon will help him mature. he might get a POV chapter to show his growth in the future

DANTE
>>116678060

Storme has mostly been played like a fiddle

Matthew Bernardin
>>116684403

Nah I disagree. The rift is totally Gareth’s making. Storme is ahead cause he has worked his ass off and essentially has compounding return. Gareth let his ability go to his head and despite having more time in the day has prioritised chasing tail and has lost any concept of the value of money cause Storme the infinite cash machine is always there to bail him out. Instead of working on improving his skill set. Fighters always hit the glass ceiling in the mid game whereas mages always suck early game. Unless the fighter evolves his mindset and specifically works on countering those weaknesses. Has Gareth done that ….no he has not.

Matthew Bernardin

So something I would note that I find lacking is it was mentioned a long time ago that eventually people would come after Storme to find out where the money is coming from. Well that really didn’t happen. The arc two stuff should have had a few pov chaps of callem killing spies or issues with them sniffing around before the civil war and absolutely Loriel should be tearing her hair out trying to figure out where all the money comes from as they are up to their eyeballs in debt. So she can leverage it or take it for herself Cause Storme is spending like a drunken sailor without visible presence of where it’s coming from. Yeah now he’s doing trading to cover his tracks but he splashed a lot of cash in effectively a small pond to get his restaurant up. Loriel should take all of two seconds to realise or investigate that his sponsors didn’t front the cash and she should have been on that ages ago. Anyway I enjoy the work but just my two cents worth. More then the single off handed attempt that’s been shown so far. Even if for no other reason then Loriel is pissed at Storme

alwaysrollsaone
>>117354212

Matthew thanks for the feedback! In the original story plot the MC was captured at the end of the first arc by the Bricios because he was found out. The readers hated that and I cut it out. There were four chapters already written in the second arc where the MC was caged with some other people and being compliant with the Bricios as they promised to help him develop his magic. The rewrite had the MC reveal to Callem and Wynna his ability so they could cover for him. Wynna is actually quite wealthy... They served as his cover for building the Shiny Platinum as they technically own the building and not Storme. I could add something about Wynna withdrawing large funds and just holding them to serve as a cover for Storme. It was only after the Bricios fled that Storme started to drop coin like mad for the skyship build. There was so much confusion with the Bricios being removed and death among the other families that the MC thought his actions would go unnoticed. Loriel knows about all the mithril Storme took at the end of the second arc as well which he used to do the runes on the Maelstrom. ⚡maybe something added in where he takes Otieno Bricios dimensional bag with lots of gold inside?⚡ I did kind of rush the construction of the skyship...the plan was for it to take a long time but readers were impatient to get to the adventuring in the Sphere.

Morog T Tiny

I am growing to hate the Katana as a bladed weapon. People don't seem to get they were a niche weapon, not designed for sword to sword combat. I note there is a word choice error several times using the word tomb for tome.

alwaysrollsaone
>>117677066

I appreciate the edits, I am trying to get back to editing past chapters...but I am so far behind on writing chapters. Hopefully, this seventh or eighth reminder about tombs-tomes will stop me from further errors. Not to make an excuse - I spend over eight hours a day, seven days a week now just responding to people, writing and doing content read edits.

alwaysrollsaone
>>117677066

as to the katana reference - i view the katana as a saber with just a fancy metal-smithing process. due to the MCs speed he needed a weapon that focused on slashing

Brian B
>>117677066

Katana is a slashing only weapon and wouldn't fair well clashing blade to blade against heavier blades. The back of the katana can be used to block, but parry would be wiser. It's speed is the greatest advantage so its better to make quick slashes while dodging your opponent. I think I read somewhere about a dual-weapon style that used a katana and tanto and would scissor lock the blades to block opponents blade ... or maybe that was from a game.

Silver Beard

Chpt 131 ~ I think you labeled chapter 130 as 140 by mistake in the Chapter title (not as attachment). Also, worst cliff you could do because I'm more likely to drop you for a few months so I can pick it back up to binge through the 2 weeks the pirate hunt is taking vs the alternative. TBH- you should remove that whole bit about them not coming back on time. Lucky for you I'm still interested in Soldier's Life but you've made no secret his growth will be slow and protracted.

alwaysrollsaone
>>118236367

thanks corrected. it is not a 'got captured' plot if that is what you are thinking. the pirate fight will be in the next two captures

Silver Beard
>>118236367

Chapter 131~ that last sentence... maybe the Mealstrom was[n't] going to return?

Grudge
>>116684403

Emphatic disagreement on Gareth being the better friend. I can't really think of one thing that Gareth has done for Storme that inconvenienced Gareth all that much. The only thing that comes close is him not going to the school in the capital. Ever since Gareth spent the night with the twins w/o checking with Storme first let me know that Gareth only really cares about chasing skirts and fighting, with dungeon delving being a subset of fighting. Storme is doing what he's doing to protect many people, Gareth is only out for himself.

Grudge

Any chance to get an updated character sheet? Like the end of arc 1.

alwaysrollsaone

I think I made one. I will have to check. I am at a wedding this weekend and will not be back till Monday. If I didn't I can compile something but my excel spreadsheet is edited each chapter. Arc 3 is probably about 10-12 chapters coming to an a close! That means a big fight scene!

alwaysrollsaone
>>119188512

i do have one for the end of arc 2 in my files. i will have to do a side by side and see as I made changes to the first arc one. send me a reminder if i dont post it in a few days. i went to a wedding and I am behind on the wirintg

Silver Beard

135 was a bust. Instead of running a Dungeon he could have been working out how to use the Cannons! This 'stupid' Storme is not a fun read. Looks like he needs to lose some of his crew to realign his priorities.

Silver Beard
>>119463838

134 Storme discovers the Siren works for a 'bigger' boss but it doesn't occur to him that she can't call for help or reinforcements? Because Storme can't call home nobody else can?! Since when was he this arrogant, self-centered, and stupid? This is Gareth behavior 101.

alwaysrollsaone
>>119463838

it was more risking people to chase her down as Pakkam said. so far they escaped without any deaths or serious injury. best to just haul ass and get away. he was also not made aware of the organization when he took the ship. that was after they had left the skiff falling to the lowlands

Silver Beard
>>119463838

But you readily admitted in 134 that he didn't know how the Cannon worked which is why he risked the jump to the skiffs. Even the Wolfgaurd mentioned using the cannons. Still a major piece of oversight to fail to master your conquest and instead harp off on an 'adventure'?! And now- surely the Siren called for help and has surely warned them about his ability... he's still without cannon. I seriously doubt this next crew will not hesitate to waste him from the sky.

Silver Beard
>>119463838

I thought he was having a live and learn moment with his failures with the first engagement; but instead he brushed it all off. Could go either way this round; but Storme needs to get his head out of his ass in a hurry.

alwaysrollsaone

The wolfsguard were not only sorting the freed captives to help sail the Night Jewel. But would be sorting out the offensive capability as well. Most of them were from the Absolution, the Blackguard Harbinger ship

Rod

Would be smart if in the next battle when he switches they keep the pirate alive so he can swap back again after killing the pilot and destorying the controls

Silver Beard

136- Nice action and resolution; but I would think for a pirate known for crashing their prey that it likely there'd be at least one or more cores in their hold.

Silver Beard
>>119851061

I wager the province tries to shortchange him b/c the ship doesn't have it's scouts or some crucial piece of loot is 'missing'. Merchants- even countries- are eager to put up bounties to make criminals notorious; but when it actually comes to paying out...

Chris
>>119191323

Knowing that they take too long to return to home, I think this Prince is about to cause some trouble

Chris
>>119851061

Maybe the prince is the reason that they are delayed so much. Maybe he has to go to war with them

SoJoe

This story always leaves me wanting to read more

Sean Otto

Can’t storm engineer a rune shut off option for the ship with his metal making. Like a key?

alwaysrollsaone
>>119896026

yes, i was thinking the same thing while writing the chapter. i think i thought that would either require multiple keys for Cilia, Storme, Leda....or if he disconnected the runes then only he could start the skyships

Silver Beard
>>119884344

Me too; little disappointed that the POV chapter takes up a progress chapter. Hoped it was extra

Silver Beard

138; if he can truly get a message out via the Adventure Guild then he should wait for the prince's pleasure and fully recharge the Aether crystals in the process. He should even look to see if Adamantine is available in the city. With so much trade and competition he might find a better deal than he would elsewhere in the Lorth or locally; and that would accelerate his plan for cannon for the Maelstrom

Silver Beard
>>120450001

Wasn't he supposed to register the Wraith's ship as a Right of Conquest? It wasn't written in so it's still a 'wanted vessel'

alwaysrollsaone
>>120450001

thanks i thought i wrote that in my notes for the chapter...will correct now on his visit with the Guildmaster

alwaysrollsaone
>>120450001

he is staying for the news. i do not know if iliked the interaction as written with the Prince but he aide is coming....not sure what form it will take

Silver Beard

138 Read through it again and I have wonder if Lorien will even give the Adventure Guild message the time of day? A message from Storme she would make time for; but Adventure Society? Unlikely.

Grudge
>>120516865

I was thinking he would send it to Callum or Sebastian and not Lorien.

Grudge
>>120450001

My guess is the prince has the location of the pirate town and wants Storme to help him assault it while the pirates are attacking.

Grudge
>>120450001

2nd prediction is half elf girl is held captive in said town and gets rescued (again) by Storme.

alwaysrollsaone
>>120516865

it is a general warning from Adventurer's Guild Hall to Hall, like--- "Massive Dragon Headed in your Direction!" the guildmaster would then tell the appropriate authorities

Sean Dawson

After ch 115 comment. I am getting fed up with Storme saying he won’t be manipulated and then getting manipulated and being like I can work with this. He is at a point were he can leave and do his own things if need be. He can go on week to month long trips and return. He is stretched to thin already and by adding to that with more people to pay and take care of he can’t work on spells as he needs to make more coins. This blow he just took is huge as he is now 100% affiliated and an up in coming person and the whole region and the lower lands know as well. This has hurt him 1000% more than anything and he just rides it like it can be helped? He needs to make a stand in the near future because he has been saying he is not a pawn while not fighting being a pawn. He has power, influence, and his leaving can be said to be her fault to ruin some of her reputation. Without him they are weak.

alwaysrollsaone
>>128188291

he grows fairly quickly in power and influence. what ties him to Skyholme? his family and friends. but at some point he will out grow Skyholme....

Sean Dawson
>>128188291

I get that is why he is there but I was more just annoyed with him stating repeatedly he won’t just be a pawn and from everything he is just a pawn. He has not once laid down the law to get it to stop. When he tries it’s more half hearted as he doesn’t use leverage so they come at him again and he folds. It just gets tiring as you want your favorite character to stand up and stop being used. I know it will come I was just blowing off some steam with him being used again.

Rainz Pourz

Where I can view this like just on the webpage and not on docx? Even a pdf is better.

Prinny Knight

Alot of these feel like they were written by an AI. The grammar and sentence structure takes a dive after I think 109. Plus having to download each one individually is just the worst, I'd rather just wait for world sphere to update on RR and read the soldier on here.

Prinny Knight
>>134082572

Yeah, but I’m just talking about it feels kinda jumpy. The wording makes it hard to read. Started the story last week and got to ch108 yesterday and had to stop. Story’s good so far (still waiting for revenge against the red headed family), but I can wait for whatever cleanup is occurring between here and RR.

Gia Kiknadze

Where I can view this like just on the webpage ?

alwaysrollsaone
>>140234454

unfortunately, I haven't pasted these in a one-page format as collections came out later. up to chapter 112 can be found on Royal Road. I have been trying to work on an edit of the story for publishing, but I have too many things I am juggling.

j0llyjuni0r

I’m lovin this story about as much soldiers life so far. Feel like your MC’s are a strong point. Wondering where I can find the layout of the restaurant though? I like to picture out what I’m reading in my head.

alwaysrollsaone
>>140318031

there is an excel spreadsheet under author notes - find the link to author notes in the chapter release notes page

XR

Yo Mr. Always Rolls A One aka Sir Erick… I’ve been reading for a few days now and just wanted to let you know that Chapters 107 & 108 are not loading! I’m in suspense dying to know how royally Gareth fcuks up Storme’s trust. I’m holding off from reading 109 for now.

alwaysrollsaone
>>144279805

i just checked and it loaded. You can find the chapters on RoyalRoad.com as well. Not sure what is going on with them for you here

john parkes

This series absolutely deserves publishing! I have been at it for four days and want more!

Silver Beard

Ch 25; not much variance to the original so far. Thanks for sharing

Silver Beard
>>95340514

It was the 'slave' girl who created the most dissonance in the original RR story... always pushing, manipulating, distracting- playing a role to free her Mother; eating up lots of words that go nowhere. If you were going to change up the plot. Now would be the time to start.

Silver Beard
>>95340514

Kinda hoped he'd buy enough spells and NOT have enough to be buy the girl. Infuse Vitality, and some of the other healing spells looked pretty good...and would definitely help with a 'dungeon' drive.

alwaysrollsaone
>>95340514

I dropped two chapters and a lot of little edits addressing readers concerns plus about 100 grammar corrections per chaps. The overall plot line remains intact

alwaysrollsaone
>>95340514

She is an important char. Her drive to free her mother is going to dropped as is her aggressive disposition. She is going to be slightly more passive in the rewrite but I plan to use her as a semi guide when the leave Skyholme…plus he needs crew for his skyship

alwaysrollsaone
>>95340514

In the latest post you should see that Aelyn is a little 'softer'. This is not going to be a harem story and Aelyn was supposed to be Storme's first love interest but not sure if I am going that route...we will see

Silver Beard

Ch 27; admittedly I skipped around some. Definitely liking that you dropped the 'get Mom out of jail' plea; though that's got to come up eventually or was she 'accidentally' executed. Sorry I didn't read every new chapter.

Silver Beard

I was kinda hoping the Sadarians would invade and they'd successfully make a run for it. Hard to see a 'love interest' with a person that's 'bound to obey' you working; like...ever.

alwaysrollsaone
>>95536487

Like I said that was supposed to happen but I don't know if I am keeping it. I will find out Friday when I rewrite the next two Chapters

Silver Beard
>>95536487

I'm not harping a point... fishing a little maybe. Acknowledge that you've curtailed her lust for Mom.... which is a big turning point. Just that his conterfeit can't go unnoticed forever in the Skyrealm. They need a truly 'new' venue to build from... and home just isn't it

Silver Beard
>>95536487

From the world you've described here- our MC has a better chance of success where's he not limited to small ideals. He's got a better chance on the ground that he does where he's at.

Silver Beard

Ch 29... still same as RR. Thanks for sharing.

alwaysrollsaone
>>95673337

lots of grammar edits and rethreading the plot in another direction. bigger changes and brand new chapters are just a few chapters away. Today is Starship Engineer day though so I am playing around with that right now.

Silver Beard

Ch 31...bank deposit might be helpful. Not sure how though as any coins he makes face the same scrutiny. He should be molding ingots for smiths or something. Selling raw resources seems a lot safer than counterfeiting coins...even if the metal is superior. Are there mithril or adamantine coins?

Silver Beard
>>95729810

Smiths or enchanters looking to grow their craft will have a lot more invested in keeping their sources private. Win, Win for our MC. Already has an 'in' with Leda around...

Silver Beard
>>95729810

Questionable resource perhaps- but who is it benefiting? A resource to stave off an invasion and make Skyholme better protected? Imagine any number of eyes will not see anything at all.

MurderByNumbers

enjoying this one :D bring forth the epic airship!

wholock202

ok i have to admit i came for starship engineer but now staying for town builder and first world. Right now i would say that starship and first world are my 2 fav but town builder is a very close 3rd. Im going to wait until at least 30 ch to start incubus as i want a good sample before i start. So all that being said looks like ill be upgrading my tier..... well played sir well played lol.

alwaysrollsaone
>>95934522

Thanks for supporting! Starship’s writing style is definitely unique and keeps the pace relatively fast and hopefully interesting. I am interested in feedback for Incubus as it is more of a writing test for me to see if I can actually do the genre

Silver Beard

Ch 34- nice interlude. Kept some of the old with the new.

alwaysrollsaone
>>95964950

it was tough to shift Aelyn's personality. she is more resigned to her fate in the new version and trying to live the good life by befriending Storme. if you remember the old version she was trying to manipulate him

MurderByNumbers

Out of curiosity how many chapters do you have to 're-write'?

alwaysrollsaone
>>96068392

I have 9 chapters left. Of the 36 so far about 7 had heavy plot edits and all chapters had between 50 and 110 grammar corrections. The ending of the first arc is changing as well and the four chapters I had for the second arc are all being tossed since the second arc is focused on their first year of academy together

Silver Beard

Ch 36. Have you considered pdf bundles of 5-10 chapter increments? I was just wondering what spells he had and I am going to have to go back and redownload a bunch trying to figure it out as you are just using numbers vs descriptions for each link.

alwaysrollsaone
>>96077605

I will post the latest excel spreadsheet for you. it should be somewhat accurate for the spells. Since I am still on the rewrite it might change slightly

Silver Beard

Having seen the list; wondering why the push for the dimension closet? Would've though the lightening reflex would have a lot more application while learning combat?

alwaysrollsaone
>>96087067

In the original script he was getting ready to flee the islands to the low lands so it was to make more gear with him.

MurderByNumbers
>>96087067

in terms of keeping things low key and the utility of always having supplies with him dimension closet is an extremely strong choice. Just finish a run through the obstacle course? Hot, sweaty and dirty? *Poof* Clean smelling like vanilla. *poof* 1 Ice tea and a beach chair w/ an umbrella. Need to stay mobile but also a place to hide your gear and funds? *poof* all done Extremely hot day and everyone is complaining? *poof* ice cream Enemy fortification in the way? *Poof* Magitech railgun :D Tired of walking? *Poof* personal magitech airship/motorcycle It's an extremely strong option. Especially so the more he has time to grow/develop/prepare for contingencies.

alwaysrollsaone
>>96087067

also the lightning reflex spell is going to be his journey to being a match for Gareth in melee combat...plan to spend some time on a few chapters in the future just on that spell

Silver Beard

Ch 37; Mithril...finally Get enough and 'discretely' sell it to Leda's family, etc and never have to worry about false coins again. Also, I don't think Callem owning an indentured will fool if anyone actually looks close... he's not the one wearing the binding ring.

MurderByNumbers
>>96144545

build up a stockpile build magitech weapons and airship :D *cough* miniature railgun

Silver Beard

Ch 38... I'm not into Smut writing... but this once perhaps he should show off what his arousal really looks like... just so the ladies can appreciate the reality of what they will never get.

DANTE
>>96144545

making coins/metal is the worst way to accumulate wealth given Storme abities, any kind of craft, be it javelry, enchantment, blacksmith, or anything that use metal is way more profitable, even if marginally harder

Silver Beard

Finally approaching point where first draft dropped off. Looking forward to totally new content.

Silver Beard

Ch 40... so close to changed storyline.

Silver Beard
>>96520783

I noticed when you edited the release schedules... I was looking forward Sunday to a Chapter and then it was pushed. Frankly I don't see how you will write 5 fictions... and OMG do you work a real job too? Ridiculous.

wholock202
>>96520783

my thoughts as well but i will say so far so good with the books so far.

alwaysrollsaone
>>96520783

i was on vacation this week so I knocked out about 20 chapters. granted some of those were rewrites of world sphere. the sunday push was because I decided to do just one chapter this week on town builder but make it long...it fell short at 2500 words but I hope to add to it. i will prob miss Thursday post because I have a dentist cleaning and the football game that night...nose bleed section

Silver Beard

43 is great. Thanks

Silver Beard

45... so the mithril is still in the 'nether'? and Mia is joining the harem that's never going to be realized. Japanese anime...Echie?

MurderByNumbers
>>97544527

W/ his skills and physical assets he should get some sugar mommas ...oh wait.. he doesn't need money... political sugar mommas? a harem of sugar babies?

Silver Beard

B2C2; Can see Gareth's obsession with Dungeons becoming a driving wedge between the two. Also thinking his not cooking is going to come back and bite him. Sure it's a nice change to the routine; but he's going to miss doing it soon.

alwaysrollsaone
>>98357895

im still torn about his first love interest. but the twins are going to cook for him soon to fulfill their loss on the bet...Gareth is not invited to the picnic

Silver Beard

B2C3... so much for not becoming a shiny rock for the Trio

Silver Beard
>>98654475

Needs to master lightening reflex and storage in a hurry. Should focus on enchanting with a teacher; but one is utility and the other survival... guess who wins

Silver Beard

He ought to buy the ladies combat armor with his wealth... easy to pick out in a crowd...and other potential uses

Silver Beard

b2c4... I was really enjoying the idea of a skyship and adventuring across the sphere. It WAS the major selling point to supporting your story. Now you want to put down roots? I get an adventure team could become mobile; but a diner? Looks like an arc I could skip unit/if he get back on course to leaving the islands.

Silver Beard
>>98872213

I hated the first version b/c he was becoming antagonist's slave... not a story I want to read. This time I figured he'd build his own ship and make it out with most of his friends and family to support him. Putting down roots of any kind is very risky; since he'll be the king pin of the operation.

alwaysrollsaone
>>98872213

Spillers follow, read at own discretion…plot thought process…The first dungeon romp is at the end of the second arc. Not sure if it’s going lowlands or one of the two dungeons in capital. Skyship is going to be built in a warehouse behind the inn if that helps. Second year academy is going to be in Aegis city

wholock202

I enjoy his cooking its seems to relax him and with all the extra work he is doing he will need it. I think the only thing is SLEEP i dont see how hes spamming his spells at night so much that it levels and be able to keep up with sleep kinda took me outa of it when i thought of it. Not a big deal.

alwaysrollsaone
>>98939869

He has been using channeled spells to drain his aether at night. Not needed any,ore since he is using his spells heavily at the academy and quickly leveling them

Silver Beard

b2c6.. thanks for sharing

Exchao

I love this story so much!

alwaysrollsaone
>>99276695

Thanks! I will try for three chapters this week but I ended up sleeping most of today. Shooting for 2 chapters of Town Builder tomorrow

Exchao

Great job on chapter 7! I liked the descriptions of the potential buildings, but I really get into these types of things in stories. A couple of questions in case the answers come up in the following chapters. Since there are zoning regulations, are there any relevant to building a ship? Can he keep the ship docked here when it is not out and about? Just fly it across the parking lot or can it land at the building, especially if some type of docking facility is built in? Could other ships dock there? What kinds of equipment, materials and staff does it take? How much time from start to finish? This is super interesting and I’m just trying to think through the possibilities. Thanks!

alwaysrollsaone
>>99617981

I am sketching out floor plans for a building now. As for zoning for construction….not sure yet. But he did keep the area from the building to the wall free so he can use the back half of the warehouse as a hanger exit

Silver Beard
>>99617981

Kinda hoping that will never come up as the Dungeon team is the 'new' front; Callem won't be able to say he's dungeoneer for coin anymore... not if he's living in the city. That said; anyone who actually puts it all together will know the new team can't possibly be providing enough material... as he'll likely be using his T7 talent for most of it. Kinda goes back to the original storyline- instead of the Mage providing an escape...MC will have his own. Instead of an invasion- likely the Triumvirate looking to bind his soul forever. A Dungeon team is going to talk or be overheard...it's inevitable.

Silver Beard

Thought of a good evolution for his Alarm spell- tag perps with an unusual scent. Something the wolf-guard can track. Likely unusual enough that most won't know to defend from it.

alwaysrollsaone
>>99661106

i will add it as a possible evolution, the problem is the length of smell would have to mirror the other tier 1 spell. cleanliness vanilla aroma lasts one hour. the next few evolutions are going to make the alarm spell into the flash-bang that was mentioned in an earlier chapter.

alwaysrollsaone
>>99661106

but adding a nasty sulfur smell would be hilarious if Storme left it whenever Gareth used the privy...everyone going after Gareth would think he caused it for an entire hour

Christian Mordal

I am really getting frustrated with How much he is putting off the lightning reflexes spell. He really needs something to help him in a fight.

alwaysrollsaone
>>99699232

also it needs to be hard...it is a tier 4 spell and supposed to take months to learn. he has the advantage of the spell affinity so 6-8 weeks should be relatively fast...learning other spells in the interim just give the MC gratification at making progress

Silver Beard

A2C8... thanks for sharing. I noticed you are using a lot of repetition in your sentences; but it might flow better with something else. Ex. They were a lot more complex than I had planned. I [intended] to use a durable type of frosted. Can't recall if English is your primary or not; but constant repeats doesn't read well. Off?

Silver Beard
>>99724919

Another: . I wish I could give you advice but I [doubt] my advice is that good [or you would heed] it anyway.” This one is harder as it's unclear if he wanted to admit his doubts openly or was thinking them? Either way it's present tense and 'doubted' is past tense..

Silver Beard

Suppose this brings up the question if you even want us to point out grammar / spelling issues. There are more; but I don't want to dominate the conversation with corrections. Preference?

alwaysrollsaone

I have been relying on grammerly to catch my mistakes. I have not been doing much proof reading just focused on starting the next chapter. English is my primary language…grammar is my tertiary language. As far as corrections I am super far behind. Just point out plot inconsistency or ideas…maybe a grammerly upgrade would help. I was trying to get a student discount for it rather than pay the $14 / month

Silver Beard

So, the Architect... sense a twist coming on. Will she be trying to break away from the family? Outright refusal seems too tame for the storyline. Loriel likely pegs him as a rebel and her choice for him reflects that. Thing with the big 3... got to be deep ties to keep them loyal...and for our MC to get anything- he's going to have to break those ties... permanently.

alwaysrollsaone
>>99808114

It’s is a vector for the MC to fall into Loriel’s trap. He will think she is doing him a solid but it will just tie him to her. I am trying to back door the MC into the periphery of politics. I need a strong antagonist for the MC to work against…willingly or unwillingly