The Heroic Housewife (Patreon)

Written by HikerAngel

Commissioned by The First One

“Ah! Welcome home, dear! How was your day?” Mai asked, white-knuckling her own hands as she gripped them in her lap.

“Oh, y’know, same old, same old. Exhausting,” Harris, her husband, confessed with a sigh as he flew in from the open skylight as he often did these days.

That had been the response he defaulted to lately, the repetitive nature of human failings catching up to him as he aged into his late forties. As the world’s most powerful known superhero, The Supreme, he knew he had to dedicate his life to public service, for the greater good. The ideals of great power and greater responsibility had been fortunately drilled into his mind at an early age, there was no chance of him faltering from that path, but no amount of wise words could prepare him for the crushing reality of the mid life crisis.

Mai’s lips quivered up with dismay at the sight of her dejected husband. “Aww, I’m sorry to hear that. Would you like to talk about it further over some dinner? I made your favorite: cheeseburgers!”

That softened his attitude. It always did.

He cupped her chin, his large hand taking up nearly half of her face. Then, faster than she could perceive it, they were both sitting down at the dinner table together. Mai had already set the table earlier, but she was surprised to see that both of their meals had been neatly laid out before them. Even though it had taken Harris less than a second, Mai hated the idea of him doing any work around the house after already tirelessly keeping the world safe day in and day out. She kept these complaints to herself, however. Twenty years of marriage was more than enough for her to pick up on the fact that helping was simply one of his love languages. Then again…

Love languages are bullshit! This isn’t about what he truly wants, it’s about what I truly want! Mai thought to herself. E-even if it’s a bit selfish, it’s for his benefit! I just want to feel useful for once!

Still, at the end of the day, at least she could count on the fact that he was here for her, willing to share a quiet moment of mutual love over her fantastic cooking. Unfortunately for her, even that wouldn’t last to her liking, as the earpiece he always wore suddenly lit up with radio chatter.

Harris quietly sighed and put his finger up to his ear. “This is The Supreme… Mhm… Yes… I understand… Yes… Very well, I’ll be over soon.”

Mai looked at her husband with worry, Harris did his best to assuage her.

“It’s Dr. Iniquitous again. Sorry honey.”

“N-no! It’s okay!” Mai replied, her face betraying her words.

“You know how it is, babe,” he said with a sigh. “Evil never sleeps. I feel like they’ve got my schedule memorized at this point. I hope I’m not gone for too long. I’ll give you a call if things smooth over anytime soon.”

The husband and wife exchanged a loving kiss and Harris took off into the sky, leaving out the same way he had arrived.

Mai was left alone with an empty house and an emptier soul. As soon as she was absolutely sure he was out of earshot—she gave it fifteen minutes or so—she broke down and began to weep softly. This was unsustainable. Harris was killing himself out there, Not exactly physically, but mentally. And she was stuck here, unable to help in both ways. He was out saving the world and all she could do was keep the house clean and make him meals. ‘The Wife of The Supreme’ was a cushy gig, she got to stay out of the public eye and ‘live the dream’ as it were in a mansion on top of a hill. She was already a meek and demure woman, with waifish proportions that only looked cartoonishly tiny when compared to her husband.

She was barely pushing five feet of height, Harris was 7’1. His superpowered physiology ensured that he reached the peak performance capable of the human male body. It also meant that Mai always felt inadequate when he was in the room. She had that same sense of heroism that he did, but she had not been blessed with powers. All she could do was be a supportive voice—a useless supportive voice. Even with an entire team of superheroes at his disposal, most of the work fell on his shoulders. All she ever wanted was to help ease the burden, but such a want was impossible.

Right?

A nagging thought was brought to the forefront of her mind, motivated further by her husband’s forced absence. Underneath the house that the two shared was a series of excavations, known to most as mere maintenance tunnels for the nearby power grid, but known to Mai and Harris as The Superior’s secret lair. Of course, passing knowledge was all that was expected of Mai. She never needed to travel down there, and there was an unspoken agreement that she would never have to.

He probably thought she had no idea where the secret passage that led to it was, much less the combination to the door. It wasn’t like she ever ready any of his comic book issues on that particular shelf, nor paid any peace of mind to whatever random combination of numbers spewed from his snores as he slept. It was mostly just a trophy room at this point, an excuse to keep his superhero life separated from what little semblance of normalcy he had at home. But if there was even the slimmest of chances that help could be given from visiting there and snooping around… well, she simply had to try!

Every step of her makeshift plan was coming together smoothly, the pitter-patter of her tiny slippered feet echoing through the dingy iron stairwells as she descended further into the belly of the beast. Her hands strained with vibrations as they attempted and failed to push a heavy steel door. A shoulder bash eventually creaked the monolith open enough for Mai to slip through, though pain lingered in pulses throughout her arm as she continued.

Thinking she was alone, she nearly jumped out of her skin as someone called out to her.

“Hey! You! You’re The Supreme’s wife, right? Where the hell is he? I’m not finished with him!”

Mai looked over to see a massive, muscular man who sat within a red cube built to contain him. His dark eyes were staring down the tiny woman with a great and furious hatred. Many other people of various sizes and powersets found themselves with similar fates.

“Here because you had a change of heart and want to let me out, cutie?” came a cat call from Wildesyde, one of the many chatty villains that was contained within the room. “Been a while since any of the boys’ve seen your pretty face.”

Mai averted her eyes, not wanting to grant her harasser any attention. These people really put the super in supervillain, some of them had even kidnapped her once or twice. While most of the villains that The Supreme and his team of heroes fought were misguided folks who were happy to be rehabilitated and in turn improve society somewhat, Wildesyde and his ilk were a different breed. These beasts loved being evil, couldn’t get enough of it. Any prison they had been put in before was quickly broken out of. It was almost a challenge for them. Harris had given them nothing but chances and opportunities to improve themselves, and they refused every single one. Now they were here, contained within special cubes of pure energy, so her husband could unfairly devote even more of his time to his work.

Harris was an optimistic man, Mai loved that about him, but she kept insisting that some people—such as these—were lost causes, much to his displeasure. As a hero, he knew he had to be unwavering in his beliefs of justice and redemption. She ignored further jeers as she inspected some nearby notes left by her husband, listing off potential ways to ‘cure’ these villains for an easier reentry into society. One in particular caught her eye:

SUPERABILITY NULLIFIER: NEARLY COMPLETE. NEEDS CONDUIT FOR TEST.

Harris wasn’t just a superhero, he was a certified genius. Heroism was his job, but scientific discovery was his passion and he was overall a very erudite individual. Mai was afraid to mess up any part of the nearby device it was referring to, lest she accidentally break it with her clumsiness, but that didn’t stop her eyes from following the various cords and plugs sticking out of the machinated box to make sense of their uses. Her eyes also couldn’t help but notice that the device was hooked up to every single supervillain’s containment cube, ready for extraction, or that the current percentage of its effectiveness was set at 25%, as detailed by a multi-notched lever on the side of the machine.

Oh Harris. It’s so you to invent a device that would steal powers from the world’s greatest villains and only use it to zap a fraction of their powers… Mai thought to herself, cheekily looking the other way as she flicked the lever all the way up to 100% effectiveness. “Oops. Clumsy little me.”

She then pranced over to the output device: a large, cylindrical glass tube designed for a person to stand within. Other looseleaf notes from her husband were strewn about the tube.

LIMIT 1-3 SUPERPOWER REDISTRIBUTION PER SIDEKICK.

That note in particular caught her attention. Not only did he have multiple sidekicks in mind, but he was willing to give them only a fraction of the powers that his greatest villains were imbued with. No. Now was not the time for moderation. If The Supreme didn’t want to work late nights for the rest of his life, he would need some serious help from someone he could trust.

Someone he had counted on for the last 20 years of his life.

Someone he loved.

SELECT WHICH CONTAINMENT CUBES FOR EXTRACTION ->.

Mai selected all of them.

DAWN ATTIRE THAT WILL BE MALLEABLE ENOUGH TO WITHSTAND BODY MODIFICATIONS!

Mai slipped both straps of her blue floral dress off of her shoulders, it tumbled down her lack of curves in one smooth motion, forming a neat little ring around her feet which she promptly stepped out of. The next two steps towards the glass cylinder saw her slipping out of her slippers, leaving them behind like she was about to walk out into the sea and never return.

Now starkly nude, she climbed into the translucent chamber and the door sealed behind her with a steamy hiss. Then there was a great silence, the sounds of whirring machinery and heckling supervillains ceasing as she was left with just her thoughts. Her brain was screaming at her that this was the point of no return—if she died, at least he wouldn’t have to deal with her uselessness anymore…

The sight of the many trapped villains banging on their cages in agony as their bodies were sucked dry like human juice boxes didn’t fill Mai with any additional confidence. Fuck. What if this hurts? What if this really hurts? 

The first pulse of power seeping into her pours reassured her that everything would be okay. Not just okay, fantastic.

Her skin prickled with warmth like the beginnings of a tanning bed, striations of energy enveloping her underdeveloped muscles like a thick blanket of pure power. It felt so… superficially macho. Must’ve been Wildesyde’s power.

Regardless of the gender of the villain, the machine understood the assignment. Her body morphed and evolved from an unimpressive rectangle to hints of an enticing, supple hourglass. The rage of his energy added blossoming inches to her breasts, creating pillowy flesh from a bony chest. Another villain whose power was pyrokinesis found his boundless energy being siphoned into inches of smooth, rounded muscle that flowed down her lengthening legs. Her generous estimate of five feet was quickly surpassed as more power from a tall female villain boosted her straight past the six foot mark in waves of overwhelming, orgasmic pleasure.

If Harris wasn’t absolutely amazing at sex, this would’ve been the most pleasurable experience of her entire life. Then again… she was sure that The Superior would be able to take time out of his busy schedule to engage in her womanly needs now that she could be on the scene to help him.

Mai gasped for air with breathless moans as the growth ceased, falling to her hands and knees. If the machine stopped now, she would be more than satisfied. She was pushing Harris’ height, with a deliciously sexy form that would make a runway model and a bodybuilder green with envy.

Mai looked over to the fifty or so villains the machine was siphoning power from. She was only three deep.

Her screams of ecstasy breached the supposed sound-proof barrier as another wave of insane power was thrust into her every vein. The machine, designed to produce results as efficiently and quickly as possible, started doubling and tripling up on the powers it was redistributing into Mai’s body. Words failed to describe the insane intensity of her upgraded second evolution as her body surged to heights that effortlessly shattered any world record, even ones set by fellow superheroes and villains combined.

At first, she had always been cute, some would even say pretty. Now she was beautiful, the next second, she was breathtaking, another second and she was magnificent, another and she was absolutely irresistible. Her irises couldn’t seem to decide on a color as they were bombarded with choice after choice, settling on a haunting yet alluring red which glowed with a ferocity that matched her bulking body. Mai paused to flex with a devious giggle, her biceps surging anew, fueled by the strongest supervillains the Earth could offer. Her arms, legs, chest, back, and stomach absolutely erupted with similar strength as they gulped from the massive pool of never-ending power.

She wasn’t just strong, she was the strongest. With enough power behind his fist, The Supreme claimed he could destroy an entire planet with a single punch. Mai knew that she could achieve thee same result if she accidentally tapped her foot too hard.

She wasn’t just tall, she was the largest. Even her husband’s superpuberty that he underwent as a child capped his height at a generous seven feet. She was pushing four times that height at an insane 28 feet.

She wasn’t just beautiful, she was the most attractive thing to ever grace the planet. Future generations would fail to capture her brilliance even with their ability to embellish flaws. There were simply no flaws to embellish.

Mai flexed every single muscle, only to flinch in fear as the glass container around her shattered into flecks. Even though she was a goddess amongst gods, her perception of the world was still very human. She bashfully rubbed the back of her beefy neck, brushing aside voluminous hair that could withstand an atom bomb before becoming tangled. It would take her a little while to get a hang of her new powers, but she would have to figure them out on the way.

~

“HAHAHAHAHA!” Dr. Iniquitous cackled, even as he lay beaten and bruised within a freshly-made crater he had just been punched into.

“What’s so funny, villain?” The Supreme inquired for himself and his team. He crossed his arms, not exactly appreciating the gallows humor of his compatriot.

“What’s funny is… what’s funny is…” he began, barely able to find the words as he continuously succumbed to bouts of laughter. “What’s funny is, you’re too late! You might’ve stopped my initial plan, but that was merely a distraction. I’ve got all seven of the world’s strongest heroes right here, which means none of you will be able to disarm the bombs I’ve placed at every major capital in the world! And they should be going off in 3… 2…—”

The Supreme Team began to panic, even as they tried to save face, unsure of where to even start. Even if they all flew off as fast as they could and disabled as many as possible, the damage would be catastrophic and Dr. Iniquitous would likely escape again. The world would no doubt be irrevocably changed, plunged into chaos by the doctor’s design.

“What, you mean these bombs right here?” came a voice that shocked everyone, especially Harris, and he was the only one who could actually put a face to it.

The heroes and singular villain all looked to the sky, jaws dropping at the sight before them. Especially Harris.

Contained within Mai’s massive hand was what could only be described as a metric fuckton of bombs. Dr. Iniquitous had been busy, but even with decades of careful planning he was effortlessly undone by the sheer speed and power of his greatest nemesis’... wife. She was fast enough to travel around the world in a second, perceptive enough to locate them all within said second, and smart enough to carefully disable every unique safeguard that would’ve ensured a swift explosion for even the carefullest of bomb defusers—all within said second. Not to mention, she had achieved all of this without an inch of clothing on her body.

She used her free hand to cup her cheek apprehensively. “S-sorry about my appearance. Couldn’t exactly make a super-suit in such short notice and the clothes I had sewn for myself dissolved at the speeds I was reaching to disable every bomb in time.” Her cutesy, accent-laden speech juxtaposed her overwhelming body, but it was no less threatening.

“Oh my god. M-Mai!? Is-is that you!?” The Supreme asked. Usually, his voice carried a cadence of absolute authority while he was in costume, but now he was sputtering before his wife like any other mortal.

She hunched her neck in slightly, meekly shrinking into herself as she tapped the tips of her index fingers together a few times. “Y-yes, dear. It’s me. I-I was hoping we could meet under more ideal circumstances so I wouldn't but then as I was flying over here I overheard that Dr. Iniquitous had placed a bunch of bombs and so I just… I just…”

Mai was surprised as she found her husband flying himself in for a hug. It was a rather awkward execution of such a gesture, his hands unable to wrap around even the lithest part of her form—her waist— as his face was buried in her beachball-sized breasts, with the hug itself looking like a toddler embracing their mother for the first time, but Mai loved it nonetheless. Harris wasn’t envious of her power, he wasn’t afraid of her power, he didn’t even seem to care how she had gotten said power. Mai was his wife, and he loved her whether or not she was five feet tall or twenty five.

He cupped her chin, having to fly up even further just to do so. The gesture was no less meaningful than it had been all those years they were together. “Remember our wedding vows? How I said I was the luckiest man in the world to marry you? I meant it then and I mean it now.”

Mai’s response was a word scramble of excitement and squealing. She almost wanted to cry, but knew that any unaccounted tears would probably rip through the Earth like a bullet piercing a watermelon. Managing such overwhelming power would be a challenge, but if she could flawlessly iron a shirt without burning it, she figured she could manage universe-buster tier superpowers.

Dr. Iniquitous was taken into custody shortly after—he basically turned himself in after seeing his life’s work so effortlessly tarnished—and the day was saved. Still, The Supreme’s team of heroes had some questions.

“Supreme, are you sure we can trust her? These power readings I’m getting from her are insane. They’re unlike anything we’ve ever seen before!” the techy, blabbermouth hero asked, only to be quickly shut down.

“She’s my wife. I trust her more than anyone else in the world. Sure, I want to test out what she’s capable of, but effective immediately she’s the new leader of The Supreme Team!”

Several mouths fell agape at the surprise revelation. Mai’s face blushed a deep crimson. “B-babe, are you serious? Do you think I really have it in me?”

“You stopped my greatest rival’s master plan in less than a second because you overheard him mention it. I’d say that more than qualifies you for it. I… must admit I was always hesitant to pick a successor should I want to retire, but I’m sure any child we make will be more than worthy if you ever get tired of it.”

Mai’s blush somehow intensified further.

“Oh dear, b-but shouldn’t we test what I’m capable of first? I wouldn’t want to disappoint you…”

Harris smiled. “Very well, let’s do something right now. Just for fun. How aboooout…” he put his finger to his cleft chin, conjuring up a challenge that would test even his prowess. “Ooh, I’ve got just the thing! The aliens over at nebulon-5 three galaxies over are throwing their annual solstice celebration. First one there and back gets first dibs on the amazing food!”

Mai perked up. “Alright! Challenge accepted!”

Harris immediately assumed a readied stance, one which Mai awkwardly-yet-adorably copied.

“Okay now, on three… Three…”

Out of the corner of Harris’ eye, he caught a glimpse of Mai’s form flickering. Her hands were holding something behind her back “Two…?” Harris said confusedly, only for Mai to realize her mistake with widened eyes.

“Oh my! I thought we were going on three! I’m back already! I-I didn’t see you on the way s-so I just assumed you had beaten me there b-but…”

Harris was so dumbfounded that it took him ten whole seconds before he burst into hearty laughter. “Wow. It’s like looking in a mirror. You’re just like me when I found out I had powers all those years ago. I guess I finally understand how my normal human parents felt…”

“Hey! I can’t be that much more powerful than you! Right? Let’s… let’s do another test! This time, we’ll actually do a proper competition instead of me zipping ahead and totally cheating!”

Harris directed Mai to his personal exercise room in his place of work, both as the setting for the next challenge and to keep random passersby on the street from ogling his wife and potentially causing a 14-car pile up. She had to crouch just to prevent her head from tearing through the ceiling.

“Alright, this here is my training weight,” Harris motioned, holding up a device that looked like a cross between a dumbbell and a futuristic fitbit. He began rapidly tapping the up button on the left weight, several beeping noises sounding off in rapid succession as the LCD numerics on the digital display ascended into the millions, then his hand began to strain against it. “Inside is a black hole, the mass of which can be controlled with the buttons here. My personal record of deadlifting is somewhere in the range of a solar mass. But I’m sure you’ll clear that record in no time!”

Mai giggled nervously. “Oh, you flatterer. I’m sure I might match that, but I’ve never deadlifted anything in my life!”

She held the dogbone-shaped metal in her hand, only to start tapping on the tiny up arrow herself with her massive finger. The uneven tempo of beeps continued for several minutes, with Harris’ jaw only dropping farther with every passing second.

“Uh oh, I think I broke it,” she admitted sheepishly, showing to Harris that the display had maxed out across the board with nines and no amount of further up arrow presses changed anything.

“Babe. I think it can’t get any heavier than that.”

“Really? Pssh, what a ripoff! I can only feel a twinge of resistance! Tell your scientists to make a better one!”

Now it was Harris’ turn to be sheepish. “Um, well, funny thing about that. I invented this actually.”

Mai’s change of face was instantaneous. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it like that!”

But Harris wasn’t offended in the slightest. He was inspired.

“Well, this tells me one thing.”

“And what’s that?”

“That the only thing that might be stronger than your body is our love for one another.”

The couple shared a quiet moment together in the training room, with Harris laying atop his lovely wife now that she surpassed the very bed they both used to sleep in together. Life was good and stress-free now, and Mai nearly married him again on the spot when he offered to make dinner for the two of them tonight. Her favorite.