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I want to say some personal things. Feel free to ignore. (Patreon)

Published:
2021-08-24 18:37:33
Imported:
2023-02

Content

Hello everyone.

I'm here because I want to say some things, and I just don't know where else. A huge part of me even feels that I shouldn't be writing this at all. I've always tried to separete the person I am IRL with the person I appear to be online. It's not like I'm some sort of online personality like a youtuber or a streamer, so I've always felt like I'd be bothering people if I say personal things unrelated to writing, but right now I just don't know what to do.

I'm not a very smart guy, nor am I strong. August has hit me hard (doubt it has stopped, too), and though I'm not vain enough to think I'm the only one, it has left me questioning myself a lot.

A lot of people have deleted pledges here, and no, I'm not writing this to call them out. Far from it. I'm extremely thankful for the support everyone's given me, whether they've stopped or not. I've kept you all in my mind every time I write. Every time I create something, I want it to be the best I can make it for it to be worth your time and money. But I can't shake off the feeling that it hasn't been enough recently.

If you also write, or draw or do anything creative, you're probably familiar with the feeling that you're just not good enough. For a long time now, that feeling has been haunting me.

I'm confused. I don't know what I should do or even what I want to do. There's issues IRL and issues with Patreon and my writing that cause me anxiety. My biggest concern is that people don't seem to be enjoying what I write, and that hurts the most. I just don't know.

And I still think I shouldn't be sharing this, that it's pathetic and I should just grit my teeth and think of a way to make things better. But like I said, I'm not smart or strong. I love writing and it's hard to imagine myself not doing it, but it's difficult to continue when I feel like I'm just disappointing people.

I'm sorry for this unnecesary and self-deprecating rant. I don't imagine this is fun for anyone. I'll do a proper update on progress, plans and things later today or tomorrow.

If you read all this, thank you very much.

Comments

Anonymous

I've been following your work from when I first came across it on Chyoa and after following you and another writer, I haven't really gone back to that site. We all have doubts of our own abilities and while it's unfortunate in the upfront turmoil, we can't grow without some trip-ups along the way. For a writer, I'd assume a good amount of those who unpledged probably had to do with the period where you were trying to figure out what stories to focus on and maybe the stories sidelined had the story they wanted to keep reading. I tend to follow your work through the emails sent and I've always enjoyed the respite in the work day that comes from your update. Even if I don't like your posts on Patreon, I appreciate the time and effort you put forth in writing these stories. Thank you for your work and I hope I may continue to read whatever else sparks your imagination down the road as well.

written_fantasy
>>66438916

Thanks a lot. I agree that we can't grow without some hardships, which is actually the main reason I decided to end The Affection Multiplier (the david branch, at least). I felt like, if I kept writing the same thing, i wouldn't grow. I understand that people have many reasons to cancel their pledges. Everyone SHOULD do what they think is best with their own money. Thanks for reading, thanks for the support, and thanks for taking the time to write something on this. I'll keep writing, even if the day comes when I can't do it as often as I do now.

Anonymous

I am recent follower of your work and first got hooked on reading The Affection Multiplier and then when I realised I could stay ahead on Book of Eros chapters by pledging on your Patreon, I felt like the entertainment and enjoyment I drew out of your work was well worth the monetary compensation. Like somebody else mentioned, I usually read the chapters through the e-mail notices, and while I haven’t been active with liking posts here recently, let me tell you that I get a little kick of serotonin each time I see a new e-mail load into my inbox from your stories. At whatever pace you decide to do things that feel the most comfortable, do it. I understand that feeling of anxiety very well, and it’s easy to get bogged down into theories and details when you start doubting yourself, but know that there are people who enjoy what you produce and will understand when you need the room to breathe. I can’t speak for other people that have ended their pledges, but like some people have said, interests shift with time and respective living situations. Also, know that it’s not pathetic, as you described it, to reach out like this. It’s brave, and I appreciate you for taking the time and daring to bare your heart a bit to us.

written_fantasy
>>66513405

Thanks you. I've always understood that interests shift and living situations can get complicated, but like you said, when you're feeling anxious and doubting yourself, you start thinking everything's your fault. I'll continue writing because I like doing, of course, and thank you very much for the encouragement.