[Spirit of Lust 2] Chapters 380 & 381. (Patreon)

Chapter 380: To be what others were.

I had inside information that women went together to the restroom to talk about whatever was relevant at the moment away from prying ears. I mean, we all kind of figured that out already, but still my mind wandered. What were Maria and Diana saying? I didn’t want to think about it, so I challenged Thomas to a match in a fighting game I knew but hadn’t played before. He accepted as a way to kill time.

We played, I was kicking his ass, but then he employed a dirty trick on me.

“So… What do you think of her so far?” he asked me.

I’ve never been the best at multitasking, so thinking about that made my play sloppy. “So far? I like her. I think we value similar things, which is a good sign.”

“Dude, are you sure about her? She scares the hell out of me.”

That took me by surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah. Every time our eyes meet, she scowls like she wishes I hadn’t spoken or that wasn’t here. Normally it would just annoy me, but her glare is so… cold.” He shivered.

“I’m… a little shocked to hear you say that. I thought you’d be able to see beyond that,” I told him, landing a basic three hit combo and finishing the first round.

“What do you mean?”

“Those scowls are just signs of her social anxiety. I thought you’d be able to notice. I used to do the same, remember? But it never bothered you.”

“No, no. It did bother me at first. I thought you were the type to hate company, or that you thought of guys like me as stupid jocks. You proved me wrong when you saved my ass at that basketball tournament. Remember? You ran back to the hotel to get the backpack I’d forgotten?”

I laughed. “Oh yeah. I was so scared to take a cab or a bus in a city I didn’t know I just ran all the way there and back.”

“I figured that was what it was. Anyway, I realized you were actually just an awkward guy, so I tried to make friends with you like I do with everyone I think are nice people.”

I sighed. “And here I thought I was special.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

We laughed, though Thomas’ laughter was cut short when I finished the match with a raw super move. To be honest, I don’t remember much of how I played at all. Talking and hearing him out put me on auto-pilot.

We started another match since Maria and Diana weren’t here yet.

“So you’re saying she has social anxiety like you?” Thomas asked me.

I shook my head. “Not like me. She’s far more well adjusted. She can clearly function properly in society while I still get nervous about entering a store I don’t know sometimes. Besides, this is just my gut feeling.”

“Gut feeling? I thought you read her mind.”

Again I shook my head. “I told you, that happens randomly. I… do have a good feeling about her, though. I think this could work out. And even if it doesn’t… I still want to try to help, you know? Even if it doesn’t work out… romantically, I want to try and be at least a sliver of what you and the girls were for me. You all turned my life around. I’m not sure I can be the same for someone else. Maybe that’s just thinking too highly of myself. But I can’t just turn my back on someone whose problems I can relate to. I’m willing to risk being a pain in the ass for it.”

Hell, back then I didn’t understand why Thomas and the girls wanted to be around me. Fear that they might just be toying with me made me want to push them away, but fear of going back to being alone prevented me from doing it.

I could very well be making a huge, mistaken assumption here. It was possible that Diana didn’t have it as bad as I thought and I was just projecting. If that was the case, then I’d accept it if she told me to go away, but I had to give it a shot.

“...Or should I back off?” I asked Thomas sheepishly. I also wasn’t so sure of myself that I wouldn’t hear someone else’s opinion.

“If that’s how you feel, I think you should go for it,” Thomas said. “Yeah, like you said, you risk being a pain in the ass, but that’s all. Just pay close attention, and if you think you really are being more of a hindrance than a help, then apologize and walk away. But I think that’s a small risk for trying to help someone. At worst you become an annoying memory for her, at best…”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

It made me feel a little better to hear him say it. I was worried I was getting too caught up in my own self-righteousness. 

I won the second match, too, then we walked away from the machine.

“They’re taking their time,” I said.

“Is your ear burning? Is it the right or the left one?” Thomas asked.

We heard someone clear their throat, then saw Diana walking towards us. Alone.

“I’m sorry we took so long,” she said. “Thomas, Maria said she wanted you to go to the prize shop.”

“Oh. I see. Well then, um… I’ll see you on Monday, Oliver. It was a pleasure to meet you, Diana.”

Diana nodded. “Likewise.”

W-Wait. Huh? What…?

Thomas walked away, waving us goodbye. I… thought we were gonna get something to eat after this. Was he really leaving just like that? And now… I was alone with…

I stopped myself from swallowing as I looked at Diana. She looked back at me, our eyes meeting. I was suddenly hit by the familiar sensation of my heart beating painfully inside my chest, of my muscles tensing up, of my mouth drying and my head spinning.

…

Wait, no. It wasn’t me. The sensation was simply so damn familiar that I thought it was happening to me, but… I felt it coming from Diana.

She pursed her lips, let out a sigh and took a single step closer to me.

“I’m… very glad I got to see you again, too,” she said.

Oh. That's what I said to her when we met outside the candy shop.

“Maria and Thomas may be leaving, but… I’d like us to continue our date, if you’re okay with it.”

My heart began to beat faster. And it really was my heart this time. I smiled, holding back my elation. “Y-Yes. Yes, I’d love to.”

Diana’s shoulders relaxed and a relieved smile crossed her lips. “Then how about we eat something?”

I chuckled. “That’d be great. I’m actually really hungry.”

“Same here. Want to try that restaurant on the floor below?”

“Sure.”

As we were about to leave the arcade, though, we walked by the prize shop and I remembered something.

“Don’t we have tickets in our cards?” I told Diana. “Shouldn’t we use them?”

She nodded. “It would be a waste not to.”

I played more games than she had, so I had more tickets. Regardless, there was nothing worthwhile to buy with the amount we had. I did see something that gave me an idea, though it was too embarrassing to actually say it.

…

Oh, fuck it. I was already going beyond my normal limits.

“We could get two of those small rubber ducks,” I said in a joking tone.

Diana nodded. “Okay, Let’s.”

I… hadn’t expected her to agree so easily.

We walked out of the arcade together, each with a tiny rubber duck in hand. My cheeks felt hot… But I thought I saw a pink tint in Diana’s cheeks as well.

************

Chapter 381: Dinner with Diana (Part 1)

The restaurant wasn’t in the food court. Rather, it was more like an attached building with an entrance through the mall. It was a regular family restaurant, but Thomas had said he had heard that the food was pretty good.

Diana and I found a table on the second floor next to a window overlooking the street. It was a Friday, which meant a lot of people, both inside the restaurant and walking outside. It was already dark out, and the natural light was replaced by that coming from lamp posts, buildings and cars. I saw Diana looking out the window with a small smile.

“Do you like the view?” I asked her.

“Yes, although it does make me homesick,” she said.

“Homesick?”

“I moved to this city with my dad when I entered university, but I’m originally from the countryside. Seeing the lights makes me miss the starlit skies, and all the buildings make me miss the endless plains.”

“Really? The countryside?” I asked, a smile of my own crossing my lips.

“Are you imagining cows, horses and chickens all around?” she asked me… with a surprisingly teasing smile that sent delightful shivers through me.

“Well… Yes?”

She chuckled. “Then you’d be correct. We had a ranch, and my dad used to breed horses for competition.”

“Oh wow. That’s really cool,” I said in awe. Horses are some of my favorite animals that I rarely ever see.

“Isn’t it?” She sounded proud of it, and it made me want to hear more.

The waiter came to take our orders, but I noticed the way he looked mostly at Diana. I could hardly blame him, but the waiter in me did judge it as unprofessional. Diana herself didn’t spare him a look, keeping her eyes on the menu.

I ordered a hamburger because I hadn’t had one in a while. Diana ordered a pasta dish. When the waiter left, I resumed the conversation.

“But you moved to this city, right? Why?”

With an easy expression, Diana told me, “Horse breeding is a very competitive business. We were good, but not the best. Profits were going down with each semester, so when it was time for me to start my higher education, my dad decided it was better to sell everything, buy a house closer to the city and retire.”

“So you still live with your dad?” I asked, keeping any and all judging tone from my voice. I wasn’t trying to criticize, but to confirm.

Diana sighed and shook her head. “He… passed away two months ago.”

My chest froze and my smile fell. “I’m so sorry.”

In answer to that, she chuckled and smiled again. “Don’t worry. I believe we honor the memories of those who’ve passed by remembering the good times. I’ve grieved enough, and he would’ve wanted me to keep marching forward.”

It was good to hear that, but it did leave me thinking. The passing of a loved one… I wasn’t ready for it, but I doubted anyone was.

“You… You’re still in high school, right?” she asked me.

I flinched, smiled wryly and rested my arms on the table. “Well… Yeah.”

“...”

“...”

An awkward silence formed, but it didn’t last long.

“I’d like to get this out of the way as soon as we can,” Diana said. “The age gap… bothers me. But it’s not your age that makes me hesitate. It’s mine.” I remained silent and let her make her case, paying close attention. “A single year of life experience can change a person. Maturity, priorities, worldview… I look back fondly on my years in university, you know? I learned a lot, more so from how diverse people are than I did from books. I worry that… I might influence you in the wrong way. You’re young, you’ve yet to experience so many things. I worry I will mess that up.”

“...” I could see where she was coming from, but how was I supposed to answer? Saying it didn’t matter was still the answer of an 18 year old who had yet to see more of the world.

And yet that issue didn’t go in one direction only.

“I’m… also in the same boat, then.” It didn’t feel good to go any further while hiding something so important. I couldn’t reveal everything, of course, but keeping it to myself was also a form of power imbalance.

“What do you mean?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.

The waiter came back with our food at a very awkward time. I stopped myself from talking as he set the plates down and quickly left, probably noticing the atmosphere.

“I’m not… normal. So I’ve been told. Don’t you… think it’s strange that I have five girlfriends?”

“…” Her face remained stoic, thoughtful. “A bit, yes. But I knew that from before we even spoke face to face. I came here knowing that what you have with them… is consensual.”

I nodded. “It is. They know everything, even the things that make me… strange. They accept it, encourage it, even, and while it’s not something I can go around telling anyone, I also can’t, in good conscience, keep you fully in the dark about it.”

I spared a quick look around the restaurant. No one was paying attention to us. Soft music was playing in the background and all tables were lost in their own conversations. Still, it felt weird to even mention this stuff in public.

“...I overheard you talking to your friend back in the Arcade,” Diana admitted. My eyebrows shot up and my mind raced to remember everything I said. Diana was ahead of me, though. “So you can read minds?” she asked. I couldn’t tell if her tone meant amusement, disbelief or something else entirely.

“I…” Should I deny it or admit it? To be honest, I’d rather she thought me insane than be a liar. Losing this opportunity to get closer to a woman I liked was… painful, but lying always carries more problems in the long run. “Randomly,” I admitted. “I don’t control how it works, it just does. What is more consistent is that… I feel a connection with my girlfriends. I can understand their feelings and they can understand mine.”

“Is that so? So you’re like him, huh?” Diana chuckled. “It makes a lot more sense if so.”

W-Wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Huh!?