I don't know what to say. (Patreon)

I think that most people feel like that currently. 

I haven't been around as much as I normally am, checking for your comments and messages but you also haven't been leaving them like you used to. I don't blame you, in fact I understand. 

I feel as though it took a while for this pandemic to catch up to me....but it finally did.

For awhile I was still working. I was still going to the office. I live in a small town very away from the majority of all of this in the way that we still don't have a lot of cases and no one here is really panicking. 

But two weeks ago I lost my main client and main source of income. I wasn't only furloughed, I was furloughed indefinitely.  I did my best to take that in stride since I knew how the business was going and since I knew the state of the world in general. 

I'm still doing my best to look on the bright side of things and not plan for the future. In a normal world I would be - ok, what's next? We need a plan to get a new job, or go back to school, look at your network - what's there? How much money do you have, how many months are you ok, what about your goals......

Only right now there's no planning because who the fuck knows where we'll end up. But, I mean.....in therapy and in life I have been desperately trying to "let go" of that nature - the planning, the feeling of having to be successful or more or better, the "what's next".  The feeling of constantly having to be working on something, toward something in order to be worth something. And I can def say that all of this happening has created that shift in me. Which is good and nice.

I'm just trying to be present and take notice of the positive things and have them weigh more than everything else. 

The fact that I'm able to not work but also not have a ton of pressure to find a new job because no one is hiring is nice. I can take a break without feeling guilty. 

For the most part I can create art - supplies are still tricky to get but I did have an AirBnB early this month and have one booked for early June so still shooting is a gift. 

Money will be hard - I had planned on doing a Kickstarter for prints and zines and tshirts in April however, I put it off because I felt horrible asking people to spend money when everything was so up in the air - the point was to help with my 17k tax bill. Which is still looming BUT I'm not thinking about it! LOL (I fully know this isn't a solution but at the moment since I don't feel as though I can do anything to fix or help the situation I'm trying not to worry about it.)

.......so wait, money will be hard BUT I live at home which is a HUGE help. Sure I help out but it's not the same as having a mortgage. I'm able to access CERB which while it isn't much, it's something and I'm SUPER grateful for it. Saving everything I possibly can in order to put towards the tax bill. 

And without running here there and everywhere and working long hours I can give my body the attention it deserves. I'll start a new diet. I've been doing yoga and walking more and more NOW IF ONLY IT WOULD GET NICER! 

I've decided that if we aren't allowed to beach in this summer I'm going to buy a tiny adult pool for the yard just so I can feel the water everyday. It's not the same but I've been desperately missing the water since last summer. 

.....ok that's all for me. Just a little update. Just to tell you where I am. And that I'm thankful that you are still here. 

xo

Faye

PS - Feel free to leave me a comment or a DM to let me know how you are fairing. 

PPS - I'm going to post the set this photo is from next month - you don't have a say and you are going to like it. LOL Nudity in the summer in the garden from last year. I've been waiting to post it for what seems like forever. I promise it's a good one.