The Disappearance of... (Patreon)

Kitbasher's Card Boutique 

Editor's Note: Originally this was supposed to be part of the write up for the Lethe breakdown I was typing out while KK Manager was updating.  However, it got really long so I decided to excise it out.  I'm sure no one wants to hear me moan and groan, outside of the dominatrix and even then it's only on Thursdays. But I figured y'all deserve an explanation as to why the fuck I was hardly doing shit for nearly half a year. 

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"Hey y'know what would be cool." 

"what"

"If you made Lethe." 

"eh she's on my radar.  wouldn't be too hard to make." 

"Really?" 

"yeah it'd take like a month or so to do so."

"Bet."

"k" 

Message Sent At December, 2020. 

Yeah so uh...there's bit of a story behind this one so get comfy. 

So like, while I was working on Mio, a buddy of mine suggested making Lethe next and I decided to do it because I thought it'd be easy to do. Then I decided to up the ante by adding shit further on top of it that I'd normally don't do. Which in this case was shading for clothing, hair gloss, and for once, visible eyebrows. Now that, I determined to be a challenge worthy of my skill. 

I still don't know if I bit off more than I could chew or not as my challenge run ended up getting thwarted by my own brain. 

I purposely set out to take Janurary off as a general break from Koikatsu. February came by and I sat down, stretched out my hands, and began work. Five minutes later, my brain said "k bored now." It's not like I ran across any real issues or anything, I just got bored and wanted to stop. I tried to push myself through it and while I did make some progress, eventually I ended up working on other things. 

Some of the cards I was "just fixing" ended up being total overhauls and they were good enough that I was considering posting them. But then I was like "Didn't you promise that dude that you'd make Lethe ASAP after Mio? What's your excuse gonna be when you release these other cards instead?" I didn't want to break my promise, so I decided that I would only make official public releases after I finished Lethe. This resulted in a gridlock where I made a bunch of half complete cards instead of working on Lethe, but I could never post those either. 

Maybe it would've been better for me to quit instead of letting this drag out for so long. Hell, even my bud was like "Y'know you don't have to if you don't want to. It's fine." but I was like "NO SHUT UP I'M TOTALLY WORKING ON IT RIGHT NOW" Kitbasher is Currently Playing: Devil May Cry 5

I am being hyperbolic here just for clarification, but man, I swear, the last couple of months was like the Tell-Tale Heart/Squeaky Boots.  It wasn't so frequent to be freaky, but ever so often I'd get a reminder of the work I was putting off. Going from the mundane, my pal asking how it was going, (Cause it was always "just a few weeks off/by the end of this month" according to me.) to the kind of strange. Like, during that time I somehow managed to pull Lethe off banner first/second-ish try and a NY!Lethe a bit later. I imagine some of you may be feeling jealous over my luck right now but lucky was not how I was feeling at that time. It was just another reminder of what I should be doing but wasn't. 

Putting this thing off also meant I couldn't actually post anything substantial either. I wanted to keep this under wraps so it could be a neat surprise, like how I usually do. I sure wasn't  expecting that I would drag my heels so damn hard that would be nearly half of a year before I made a peep. I figured most people would drop off by after two months, but most of y'all stayed even through the silence. Hell, some people even came on board. All of that made me feel real guilty as I'm sure you guys signed on expecting something fresh n' hip but...nothing. There was nothing. Nothing at all.  

Like, y'know when you're reading a really good fanfic/webcomic/web whatever and you're getting super into...only to discover the final post is a cliffhanger that was uploaded years ago? Would I be right to assume that's kind of how y'all felt? Going from frequent updates to suddenly just dropping off the edge of the Earth, thus confirming flat Earth theory THE TRUTH WILL NOT BE SILENCED WAKE UP SHEEPL-

okay okay but seriously though that's pretty much how it went down eh? I mean sure there were some posts but half baked piles of shit weren't what y'all came for so those don't really count.

So yeah. Basically, I was letting down a friend and all of you guys. Awesome. Great. I love having a lot of people to disappoint. It's amazing. 

Ultimately, the accumulated guilt and anxiety over the idea that I was letting down people who liked me was what pushed my apathetic ass to finally get the card done. I just couldn't ignore it anymore. Honestly, I think if I had my usual motivation for working on things, it could've been done in a month/month and a half-ish. But yeah, whatever, point is, it's done. 

It's finally over.  It only took forty years. 

Thank you for sticking with me. You super didn't have to and in fact would've made more sense to bail but you didn't. Even through all those stupid text only posts. Hah, if y'all have this much faith in me, perhaps I should so too in you. "Believe in the me that believes in you!" So it is written. 

(Didn't that evolve into "Believe in the you who believes in you" or something?) 

As for what's next, well, I'd like to polish up the shit I've been working on and give them a proper release but I don't know when I'm gonna post 'em. Hopefully not by 2022. :v  As for new shit, there has been a certain character that my brain has been constantly challenging me to do because I kept brushing it off as "too easy". So I may enter into yet another stupid bet but hey, at least it's with myself. No matter what happens, I'll win AND lose so it's a win-win! ...or is it win-lose? lose-lose? 

aw whatever. see y'all next time.