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Commission, "Of Infidelity" (Patreon)

Published:
2018-07-26 05:24:40
Imported:
2023-02

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Content

 Here's a little piece I wrote last week that was just a little outside  my usual wheelhouse, but I think did a good job capturing the intended  Feels. A lot of my stories focus around someone who is the fortunate  recipient of unearned affection, but this one instead revolves around a  young man who's earned it, but... well, you can read the story. I  suppose I should include tags so those of you who are a bit more  particular don't wind up feeling betrayed, but I don't want to spoil since a lot of it comes out in reveals towards the end of the story. I've included a spoilers.txt for those of you who'd rather risk wrecking surprises than waste time on something you wouldn't enjoy.

Comments

Khellrendros

Not my cup of tea, but still well done.

WDB

Riveting stuff, but, yeah... kind of not so much "erotic" as "terrifying". Still! A really good, tense-as-hell read.

WDB
>>14136983

Jesus Christ, I cannot stop thinking about this story. What the fuck.

Anonymous

Yeah not really a fan of the cuckolding type of story. But keep up the good work.

Anonymous

I personally enjoyed it for what it was; always had a soft spot for stories about people who used mc to steal from another's relationships.

Simon Shaw

You're gonna have to write something more upbeat to even this out. This poor fuck

WDB
>>14136983

I feel like this story has colonized my brain. I keep coming back to it, rolling it around. It's like you took The Tenant, turned it 90 degrees, and made it a horror story. It takes away the Tolerant/My New Girlfriend hand-wave of "no one's really getting hurt" and "everyone's enjoying themselves so what's the harm" because someone's life is getting OBLITERATED in the most prolonged, hideous way possible. And that ending! So brutal. I'm still not sure if I'd rate this highly as an "erotic" story (at least to my normal tastes) but it's been a story I've spent a ridiculous amount of time thinking about.

icebear

Nice to see such a reaction. I knew I was operating a bit outside my usual sphere, but I still kinda liked that it made me feel something. Something dark and horrible, sure, but I'm a DM, too. Making things dark and horrible sometimes is part of my other job. :)

WDB
>>14136983

It's cool if I just comment on this story forever, right? Okay, thanks. (And, boy, is Patreon REALLY not set up for this sort of discussion.) It occurred to me, as I was laying awake thinking about this story *again*, that one of the things that makes it extra effective is how universal one of the core emotions is. Like, most people have been lucky enough to have been in a relationship where they've loved and been loved. And most people have been unlucky enough to have that relationship not work out. Usually, it's predictable and explicable: infidelity (yours or theirs), different life goals, steadily mounting personality issues, etc. But what if it wasn't? What if it made no sense? What if you loved someone that pulled away for no reason? What if the person you were going to spend the rest of your life with was suddenly telling you, loudly, in public, to go fuck yourself? What if a life-long friend and the love of your life, not only didn't care about you, but thought of you with only loathing and contempt? What if your life and future fell apart tomorrow? Just... man. There's something so much worse in that thought than the standard cuckold tropes. I don't know. Maybe it's not universal, maybe this didn't make any sense, I don't know. I feel like I need to keep talking about this story for some reason.

WDB
>>14136983

And, okay there's more tonight, the change in perspective is what makes it so, so horrifying. You tell the same story from the MC's perspective, and, you know, whatever. There's probably dozens of stories on the EMCSA that cover the same ground. It's a well-worn story, and I'm not ragging on it. There are no shortage of ways to tell that story and make it erotic. (I mostly think of Kindle stories by Will B Gunn, but your mileage may vary.) You tell the story from the women's perspective, it's The Tenant or Roommate Agreement or a Friend Zone story. Plenty hot, and some of my favorite stories. But you tell it from the perspective of what would normally be collateral damage (Emily's fiancee in The Tolerant, for example) and it is a waking nightmare. It's a victim who doesn't even know they're in a horror story. It's enormously difficult for me to see past the first 3/4s to enjoy the classically hot epilogue. I would love to hear from the person who commissioned it, find out what they were looking for and how this measured up. Maybe they just wanted something memorable and deeply unsettling?

WDB
>>14136983

Last one for tonight. On an altogether different note, I would be a-okay with people commissioning an endless series of short stories where Chris has a loved one stolen by different mind controllers. I think it could be really, really funny. Same tone and approach, but by the sixth story, Chris is still mystified as to why things are becoming so strange with the girl he's been dating, just as they had with his high school girlfriend, sister, college girlfriend, boss, and mail carrier. Comedy equals tragedy plus time, right? All you commission winners, get on that, please and thank you.

WDB
>>14136983

ha ha j/k there's more. As I thought more about it, I realized that it's integral to the horror of the story that Chris doesn't realize what story he's in. He never gets his arms around the fact that he's in a maledom mind control story. SPOILERS He doesn't even know he's in a cuckold story until *the second-to-last scene*. Most of the story he's just watching his relationship fall apart in ever more brutal fashion. In other MC cuckold stories I've read, there's always a point where the husband/boyfriend/brother figures out the genre they're operating in. They know the scope and stakes of the story. Sometimes they win (Neil Bimbeau's Worshipping The Bully on Kindle) and sometimes they lose (Yazzer's Money Shot on the EMCSA), but they understand what's happening. Chris never does, and that makes it exponentially more awful for him. He's totally outclassed. He is playing checkers while everyone else is playing chess. Reading his thought process in this story is like shouting at the screen while watching a horror film. If he had ever figured things out, been competitive, then it's less of a horror story and more straight-up erotica. But the fact that he's just *victimized*.. it's cold-blooded but enormously effective as horror. Anyway, I think that may really be it for tonight/this morning. I still need to talk about this being a deconstructionist mind control story, but that can probably wait a few hours.

icebear
>>14136983

You are a delight. :) Some responses to your many, many thoughts: - Sometimes when I’m brainstorming (or just day-dreaming), thoughts like these are what give me pause. Like, yeah, it’s be crazy hot to be able to compel Bethany Big-Boobs, but man… she’s got a newborn kid, and I’d feel just awful prying her away. Plus I saw on the facebook that she just started seeing a guy and they look really happy together, so… nah, we’ll give her a pass. Even in my imagination, I don’t have the stomach for the kinds of powers I’m doling out so liberally in my stories. I enjoy plenty of stories about those without such compunctions, but man, they take a lot out of me to pen them myself. - A horror story Chris doesn't know he's starring in is exactly it. For all my dark twists (and yes, yes, I'm still sorry for killing Emily, everyone), I am totally sappy and sentimental at heart. If I had my way, every story would end like My New Girlfriend, where they fall in love on a snowy evening and kiss and have great sex and smile big idiot smiles. But sadly, the Hallmark channel isn’t hiring right now, so my process has had to diverge from my preference. Left to my own devices, I tend much more to set up characters, spark a conflict, and let their personalities work things out. In this story, following along poor Chris, that meant letting his Love-Conquers-All-ism play out in the face of the tenant’s But-MC-Conquers-Love-ness. - When I took the commission, I expressed some concerns that this might be kind of a dour, low-sex grind, but looking back at the finished product, I think that was kind of the intention of it all, and it worked out well toward the purpose. Honestly, what first got me into MC was lingering resentment/revenge fantasies about some girl who totally wrecked me, and I’d be lying if watching the Other Guy weep like a bitch didn’t feature in some of them. It’s not a theme I often go very far with in my writing (and I don’t feel it anywhere near like what I once did), but in hindsight, I think that experience factored prominently into the approach I took to destroying Chris. - Man, wanting to see Chris slog through this another few times… and I thought I was a sadist for writing just the one. :)

WDB
>>14136983

Thanks for the response! I still plan on talking about the deconstructionist nature of this story, but you brought up something I thought was important. The ending, while largely providing catharsis through a) nailing down some of the details of Clayton's plot, and more importantly b) having some well-written smut that we all showed up for in the first place, is also devastating. There is no last minute twist where the hero foils the villain's scheme. It's not a rally, it's a nail in the coffin. And I think that's down to the same (to me) universality that makes the first three-quarters so effective. It's *super* common in EMC stories to feature a wronged man get revenge on his ex. She dumped him/cheated on him/belittled him, but *now* he's got the power to make her his etc etc lots of fucking and her begging for his forgiveness. And I think the reason that story gets told so often, and is received so gratefully, is because everyone's likely experienced a bad break-up at some point. The kind of acrimonious split where that resentment curdles, and it buttresses against the loss by letting you think Someday They'll Regret Their Choice And Come Back And Say It Was All Their Fault. So, yeah, an EMC story where you can explore those feelings safely and vicariously is incredibly appealing. But "Of Infidelity" doesn't do that. In fact, it does the opposite of that by showing the reader how *blissfully happy* everyone is with Chris gone, that he'll never be missed by anyone. It activates that drop in your gut the first time you see your ex dating someone else. That primal fear that They Never Really Loved You Anyway. It takes the normally super-hot Harem Ending and makes it hurtful and cruel. Which plays into my thoughts re: deconstructionism, but we'll get to that later. OH, WE'LL GET TO THAT LATER.

WDB
>>14136983

Okay, so, deconstructionism. (I swear, this is the last little thing I've got on "Of Infidelity", beside a little epilogue.) One of the most successful American comic books of the last 40 years is Watchmen, by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. It's a deconstructionist take on the superhero genre, wherein it interrogates basic assumptions and challenges the reader to reexamine basic precepts of the genre. It's also the first/only superhero comic book some people read, which I find *fucking fascinating*, because you can't really deconstruct something you have no familiarity with. You don't get how the authors are subverting reader expectations, because as a new reader you *have* no expectations. With a fuller understanding of the genre, you get a much more rewarding reading experience. It struck me that "Of Infidelity" works a lot of the same way. If this was someone's first Erotic Mind Control story, I don't think they'd even classify it as such. The MC element is never outright stated, and easy to miss... again, assuming you've never read another EMC story. But if you're the type of person who's willing to pay $5 or more each month to support the career of a writer specializing in mind control erotica, *this is probably not your first rodeo*. The second the creepy pervert tenant tells the MILF, the jailbait, and the curvy coed about his white noise machines, I assume everyone reading know's What's Up. As I said earlier, the bones of this story are pretty standard. The same story with a different perspective would probably get a lot of hits on Svengali. But that's a good thing! With the familiarity of the EMC elements, the shift in perspective to Chris allows the story to present all of the things an EMC story is "supposed" to do (sex scenes, incremental corruption, D/s, the usual) while simultaneously using the empathy for the protagonist to undercut the eroticism. That allows/forces the reader to examine the scene from a remove, to try and figure out *why* the scene isn't hot: What is this scene doing? What should it be doing? Why is it different? What do I want it do differently? Why is it freaking me the fuck out? And that's only the type of response you can get if you're a fan of the genre. If you know the rules, you can tell when the story breaks them. The ending specifically, again, is everything you should want but given to you in a way that makes you aware of the moving pieces. A way that makes "MC gets everything he wants" seem like a catastrophe. I don't know. That's what I got out of it. "Of Infidelity" made me feel like I got rewarded for all these years of reading mind control erotica.

WDB
>>14136983

I think that's everything I've got to say about "Of Infidelity". It *feels* like everything, anyway. I reserve the right to lose more sleep and have to write a bunch. And, really, that's what brought a lot of this on. Sometimes, a piece of art will hit me in a way and I've GOT to talk about it. Luckily, my work allows me the opportunity to evangelize for stuff on the reg, but this? I can't 100% remember the scene in Garden State, but I don't think Natalie Portman said to Zach Braff, "Hey, you've got to read this Patreon-only erotic mind control story that deconstructs a genre that only exists in small pockets online. It's a genre that features graphic sex, dubious consent, and occasionally leads members of its community to grapple with the troubling emotional effect of rape fantasies. It'll change your life." I feel like that's not what she said. So this is the only place I can really do that, and I *needed* to do that after reading "Of Infidelity". I needed to, like, excavate this stuff from my brain. (To quote Superwoman from JLA: Earth 2, "I *hate* thinking about them. I *keep* thinking about them.") I think, *I hope* I've finally done that. Who knows for sure (I definitely didn't think I had this much to say), but I feel like I've gotten it all out. Thanks to anyone who read this, and sorry to anyone who read *all* of this. It was more about my needs than yours, which is a very Clayton Mason way to end things.

Anonymous

I am still coming back to this. Dark but really well put together!! I thought that it would be great Ice Bear if you would consider writing how this all happened but from the perspective of Casey, Clarissa and Cara. That could work!

Anonymous

Well shit. This story is my punishment for having mind control fantasies. It feels like it is. I'm on a similar themes with you,Icebar, I might fantasized about stealing chicks with wondrous powers,but know deep down that's wrong in real life

icebear
>>16586538

I know, right? The fantasy is as harmless as any other, but being asked to look at the practical implications of it sure gave me the chills.

Anonymous

I generally liked the story but it can be improved if you make The Mind Controller the cause of Casey's parent's divorce. It just feels like a plothole; it doesn't make sense to have a single mother rent a room out to a creepy middle-aged man instead of a woman or student. Also, if the dad left for another woman, it doesn't explain his absence from his kids' lives - unless you explain it away. Maybe the dad and Clayton were rivals at work?

icebear
>>30436665

All I can really say is that this was a commissioned story, so I did my best to create what the commissioner described. Sometimes folks have different visions than you or I!