Bound By Light, Freed By Night (Patreon)

Words can’t explain how much I treasure these photos. Normally I don’t share nudes in this tier, but these are too beautiful to not share. 💗 Plus I wrote a long as blog and it needs pics for reference! 😉

The concept of being bound by light and freed by night came to me as I was trying to think of titles for these two sets, (created one set inside the lighthouse and one outside) which are actually part of the same, much as we are both our darkness and our light. If you’re a fan of Carl Jung, or have dabbled in any counseling/healing work, it’s likely you’re familiar with the shadow and light that exists within us all. The shadow is, in layman’s terms, the part of ourselves we want to hide away from the world, and the light is what we want to show the world - our best side. When we have less understanding, often we say that shadow = bad and light = good. This is however, not only inaccurate, but also harmful as it incorrectly oversimplifies while also dismissing crucial parts of ourselves we need/needed to survive. The world can be a very painful place with many hardships, and if we didn’t have that darkness and the power that resides in it, many of us wouldn’t have survived at times, and I don’t just mean that figuratively.

From our shadow we can pull things like avoidance, detachment, greed, hunger for power, etc. Avoidance can look like saying, “I’m fine!” instead of discussing what is bothering you because as a child you were often dismissed. Detachment can look like only letting people get so close because you believe they will end up hurting you (hello, old me!). Greed can look like not sharing, not paying people fairly, always being the first to get your share and taking more than is fair, not paying taxes because you don’t think you should have to, etc. because you were starved for food or attention as a kid, you didn’t have much growing up, or you lost all you had at some point. We all know what hunger for power looks like, and that doesn’t always come from a personality disorder. That can stem from simply having felt so powerless as a child or young adult that you promise yourself “never again.” These are just a few examples and reason for shadow traits. As I said above, my main one is detachment, but I also dabble in a bit of a savior complex that has some superiority elements. Savior/superiority stems from being raised evangelical Christian and the detachment stems from my mom doing a number of absurd things once she couldn’t hide her personality disorder any more. (Won’t get into details here, but I like to share a bit of my own experiences.)

Instead of judging that shadow/dark side of us that helped us survive via these different tactics, we can learn to love and appreciate all it has done for us.

It is only when we allow the darkness of the shadow to be seen that we can truly be free. In other words, we shine a light on it. In the words of Brene Brown, “Only when we’re brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

All too often, unfortunately, we see people become bound by light. We all know those do-gooders of the world who hide behind their self-righteousness - the overly positive, super upbeat friend who has energy for days and is never seen down, the activist who spews hatred in the name of what is “right,” the supermom who takes on thing after thing after thing even though it’s costing her her own health and her bond with her husband, the uncle who has a Bible verse to explain every situation, yet drinks himself to sleep every night when he’s alone. Sometimes we demonize feeling our pains because we put these unrealistic expectations on ourselves that we should be happy. Should be a certain way. But feeling is human and to avoid a feeling is to deny reality. Not that we should let our feelings run the show, because that creates other issues, but like a friend walking by on the street, they need to at the very least, be acknowledged. Don’t have time for a conversation? A good ol’ firm handshake or tight hug with the promise to catch up soon can be enough to bide some time until there is time and space. (Here in this analogy, the feelings that come up are your friend, so to feel whole, you don’t ignore them and instead will feel them out when you have capacity. Some of us don’t make time or space and then they come for us HARD in the middle of something important, so it’s best to really try to make space to process whether that be counseling, journaling, talking with a friend, etc.)

Healing work is rarely ever “done” and I think that’s why some people try to reside in the light only areas. It can be very challenging to navigate some of the tough feelings that arise when we face what we’ve been through, or what we’ve done to ourselves. While we can come to a place of acceptance, most likely we will have flare-ups of a situation that brought us turmoil throughout our lives, or at least throughout a period of our lives. Think about when you were a child. Maybe your best friend moved away and you missed them for a year until your found a new friend or group of friends. Do you still think of that friend as an adult? Maybe or maybe not. Now think of an ex whom you dated for years or perhaps were married to. That pain likely lasts longer and will bleed into your new romantic relationships (possibly even other types of relationships with friends or coworkers) unless you admit the pain is there, process it, and move forward in a more helpful way.

The key here is to accept both the pleasant and unpleasant instead of pretending the unpleasant doesn’t exist.

And if you’ve made it this far, thank you for coming to my pretend TEDx talk. 😂

I wanted this set to have a feeling of otherworldliness, mystery, danger, and searching. It has just that and I chose to not edit a single thing. All of these are straight out of camera in a lighthouse. The way I see this is that freedom is found by escaping the small box of light and stepping out into our darkness where the winds of emotion can move us. The light helps us see clearly, but we do not have to exist solely in it.

Photos by JD on our trip to New England