Searching for Something (Patreon)

I don’t know what it is about self-shot sets, but it allows me to connect with myself in such a unique way. 

If I’m being honest, I get kind of nervous with photographers now! Like I forgot how to pose or something. (I didn’t, in case you’re concerned. Lol) It’s odd because I’m only nervous initially, and it’s not even nerves necessarily. It’s more so that I think I’ve seen so many photographers get weird over the years (models too! And makeup artists/hair stylists/designers!) that I’m a bit on edge. I don’t like the flakiness that tends to come with the industry, though I do miss collaborations. I think it really gave me a confidence that I don’t quite feel I have currently. 

But when I set up my camera or phone and pose for myself, there’s a freedom I didn’t get in working with photographers. I can do whatever I want, take as long as I, change as often as I feel like it… ahhhh, so lovely. 

Of course, there are major downsides too. I can’t switch camera angles easily; I don’t have anyone watching our for wardrobe mishaps or start hairs; I miss out on ideas I wouldn’t have though of because, well, I’m only me with one brain. 

I’m enjoying figuring out some of these things for myself. Finding what makes me tick and why is comforting and reassuring usually. It also has a tendency to make me question reality and wonder why do a thing at all because does it matter in the grand scheme of things?! 

Then I remember all the people who helped me feel okay with me because they were themselves fo the fullest, and I love nothing more than seeing a person be SO themselves. And THAT is indeed, of great importance in the grand scheme of things. At least in my book!