A Note Before The Audios (Patreon)

Hi loves,

Have no fear, you get porn today! I'm aware that most of you are here solely for that. Which is absolutely cool. I appreciate the fuck out of you, as I say at least a million times a month (lol is that old yet, ACCEPT MY APPRECIATION). Having said that, I really do appreciate those of you who are also here because you enjoy me on other levels too.

I am 100% human, loathsome as that is. I have off days. Things get to me. I try to have full disclosure on things going on with me, so that's what this is. I've felt really weird the past 24 hours. I think everything going on in the world resonated hard, and combine that with someone on Twitter essentially telling me that retweeting sources wasn't good unless you fact check. Which I do, continuing on to say "it was a misunderstanding" when said person was called out by multiple people - then apologizing to those people but not me. Like... Ouch ? We move on.

Having someone essentially do what I was worried about and tell me "but you look white ish". That hurts. A lot. It's why , unless you're in my inner circle, I never told people what part of me is. I felt it didn't matter because I'm partial, that why would anyone care?
It's happened ever since I was 15 and my father and his family popped back into the picture for the time they did. People are quick to wonder why I look more like my mother than him. I always was quickly filed into an "she looks different" category. I was always super sad the issues with my Father were there because I desperately wanted to spend more time with my grandparents. I got a long really well with my Nona and I loved watching her cook, hearing stories etc. It's a source of great sadness for me that I didn't get to retain more from those interactions. I spent yesterday obsessing about things in my head, should I have even said ANYTHING? Because I know that I've grown up with privilege. I know for all intensive purposes I'm white passing. It's really painful though when in my life I'm automatically labeled as such. I can't tell you how many times it's "yeah but your white so". When in fact. I'm not. Not at all.


Yes. I should've and I did. No matter how small that part of me is, I am part of that community. That's why I haven't posted. It didn't feel right. It also effected me in a way I wasn't ready for. I had a huge wave of emotions for the things that had happened in my life that made me go "oh wow". I'm not going to apologize for taking some time off, I needed it. I've been completely disheartened by some of the actions of my peers. Just as I was months ago. Please be empathetic if other performers you love aren't their normal selves. It's tough.

Human rights aren't politics. Ever.

Hopefully this shines a bit more light on my personal situation. It's a struggle. I appreciate the love and support I've gotten. I was blown away, in a good way, to be boosted up with fellow Asian/Asian American performers. It was validating to know that I'm not the only one who's struggled with the "why don't you look like".


So. Enough word vomit. If you read this. Thank you. If you understand, thank you.

Anyway. Your new audios will be up later today 🖤

They were a blast to make & I hope it's worth the wait.

Xx

Victoria