Upbeat Hyena 13 (Patreon)

Upbeat Hyena
Chapter 13

-VB-

Welcome to the Parahumans Online Message Boards
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Today is November 16, 1996.

■​

♦Topic: The Demon Cults of Seattle
In: Boards ► West Coast

Chinchilla3 (Original Poster) (Guy in the Cult) (Verified Cultist)
Posted on March 1, 1996:
Okay, so, a lot of people have been asking online, on TV, and on the radio, so I thought I should answer a few things.
Hi, my name is Chinchilla3, and I am a member of the so-called “dangerous” demon cults of Seattle. We have announced before that we will be answering some questions on this website, and here I am as the representative of us all.
May the Prince of Demons help me.
First off, there is no singular cult in charge of us all, and there are two “major” cults and nine “minor” cults. All the rest that people have labeled as cults? Those are just cliches or social circles from members of the aforementioned eleven cults.
For brevity’s sake, I will only discuss the major cults: The Quarters and the Seductive Succubus Support. No, those are not their original names. It used to be Green Blood Sacrifices and Daniel’s Club, respectively. For your reference, I am a member of the Quarters and cannot speak on behalf of the other sects as we call each other.

We, the Quarters, are not involved in the criminal enterprises that people associate parahuman cults with. We don’t do prostitution, human sacrifices, narcotics distribution and sale, and the like. What we do are the following: cookie sales, lost and found, international shipping, regular business, bounty hunting, and more. The reason why there is such a wide diversity in our activities is because of what the Quarters are. We are not a defined sect but an association of independents without proper sect ties to any of the proper “sects.” Kind of like an HOA except everyone has, as far as outsiders are concerned, some manner of access to supernatural abilities and more than half of us will gleefully jump a normal mugger or a cape mugger, because there is no difference for us.
Ask me anything.
Rules: each person/news outlet/group/whatever can only ask one question per my response.

RealKOMO4 (Verified KOMO4, ABC Affiliate, Station)
Posted on March 1, 1996:
Hello, this is Madeline Sowyer with KOMO4! I’m happy that we can finally get some answers from your people. Can you explain why there is such a diversity as a whole?

Tabarasa
Posted on March 1, 1996:
HI MOM!
User has been banned for 14 days.

KingsTable

Posted on March 1, 1996:
Can you tell us about the [Prince of Demons]? Why is it that every time someone speaks the title, it reverberates in the air?

CNN2 (Verified CNN Spokesperson)
Posted on March 1, 1996:
The world would like to know about the truth of the demons? Are they demons from our mythology or have you merely styled yourselves after them? Many demons also do not follow their mythological counterparts despite claiming their names. Why is that?

BBCAmerica (Verified BBC)
Posted on March 1, 1996:
Mr. Chinchilla3, we would like to know whether or not the rumors of human sacrifices among the more extreme cults are true.

Chinchilla3 (Original Poster) (Guy in the Cult) (Verified Cultist)
Posted on March 1, 1996:
@RealKOMO4 I think I already explained but I guess I’ll go on a deeper dive into the subject. First off, I am a Quarter, which is one of the two major groups but not all of the sects out there. Quarters’ main priorities, which we tell everyone, are threefold: protect ourselves from parahuman and normal criminals, keep government and its agents out of our lives, and serve the [Prince of Demons] to receive his blessing.

@KingsTable
Because his title is not merely a title but a fact written into the very fabric of reality. You invoke his attention towards you whenever you speak his name. The more you speak, the greater his attention becomes. The Prince will ignore you if you use his title in vain, though.
@CNN2
The demons are not from any mythology, and are born either from gathered emotions and souls or granted demonhood by the Prince himself.
BBCAmerica
In the early days of the sects, a lot of cultists … did engage in human sacrifice. The Prince did not like that.

FoxNews (Verified Fox Corp)
Posted on March 1, 1996:
Can you tell us about your experience as a member of the “Quarters”? What are your roles and position in the hierarchy?

CNBC23 (Verified CNBC)
Posted on March 1, 1996:
The PRT has labeled the entire collection of “sects” as villains. What have you to say about that?

RealKOMO4 (Verified KOMO4, ABC Affiliate, Station)
Posted on March 1, 1996:
Your prince and his demons claim spiritual matters as one of your domains. What verification or proof can you give? Or is this another parahuman delusion?

StarTrekFTW9999 (Verified Trekkie)
Posted on March 1, 1996:
Can you ask the Prince if aliens are real?!

Also, @RealKOMO4 that was a ballsy as fuck ending there, mate. Isn’t your station in Seattle?

BBCAmerica (Verified BBC)
Posted on March 1, 1996:
What is the Prince’s stance on the murders attributed to his cults?

CNN2 (Verified CNN Spokesperson)
Posted on March 1, 1996:
Can you tell us about the “sect” you dislike the most?

Bagrat
Posted on March 1, 1996:
How do I get an audience with the Prince?

Chinchilla3 (Original Poster) (Guy in the Cult) (Verified Cultist)
Posted on March 1, 1996:
@StarTrekFTW9999
FYI, I work under Baroness Rikitoa, and she tells me that the Prince has spoken about alien life before not as a hypothetical but a factual one. Considering that we also know about Earth Aleph and Professor Haywire, I think this should have been obvious?

@BBCAmerica
I have no idea. Considering that most of the demons don’t care, I assume that’s his stance too, but that’s just imo.
@CNBC23
We don’t care. No, really, we don’t. It’s not like PRT can stop us from handing out cookies. Or, as the 3S Club does, hand out tickets for “private time with needy demonettes.” I literally walk around with official Quarters patch on my backpack and the cops don’t care.
@CNN2
I absolutely hate the Khornites. They got their name from some tabletop game, and all they care about is going out and causing as much destruction as they can with their blessings. If they die in battle, then they consign their souls to the Prince for him to feed upon. Absolute psychopathic anarchists, those freaks. If you see them, don’t kill them. Make sure they live so they can’t ever complete their missions the Prince himself frowns upon.
@RealKOMO4
It’s a question initiates always ask. A quick visage of the Prince’s personal domain, souls of the damned, or, for the most blessed of us, a conversation with the Prince himself, usually convince most. If that doesn’t convince you, then get this: the Prince fears the Christian God. There’s a reason wy bounty hunting and criminal hunting is the main stay of the more violent cultists; good people don’t taste good, apparently.
@FoxNews I’m the Quarters’ foreign relations guy. I talk to HOAs, hospitals, cops, firefighters, and unions. As I said before, I serve directly under Baroness Rikitoa, a blessed who received the Prince’s blessing to rise above her mortal flesh to become an immortal demon. She is a lovely lady and a wonderful boss who wrote into each of her employee’s contract inflation-adjusted raises on top of raises depending on merit, but has a habit of blowing her head off to prove her demonhood. She is currently looking for more office workers, so if any of you are shit-tired of middle management screwing you over for their paycheck, come to Seattle!
@Bagrat
You ask one of the sects for help in conducting ritual, you help with the ritual, and, if you are lucky, the Prince will give you the time of the day to hear you out. The Prince is a great guy.