🎂 31 Never Looked So Good 🎂 (Patreon)

A warm and hearty hello from me, your mercurial creator, to you, my dear, faithful, and patient patrons!

It’s my birthday today, and it also happens to be exactly the correct time*** to wade back into the fray here on Patreon.

I’ve got lots of news to share! This is a LONG one, but I've sprinkled fun GIFs into the mix to keep you entertained and offered a short summary at the beginning if you don't have time for a lengthier read today.

(***Also, I forgot to pause the billing cycle for the month of April and all the charges went through, so there’s that, too 😅  whoooops...)

(***I know, I know – you’re here because you believe in the concept of patronage and supporting little art weirdos like me, not because it’s a transactional “give me content NAOW” situation … but all the same, the little email that popped up in my inbox notifying me that the billing cycle had resumed was the kick in the pants I needed to get on this update and here we are. Honesty is the best policy? ).

If you don’t have time to read this big lengthy update today, here’s the bullet points version!

• ::::SCREAMING:::::  I got the BIG FAT GRANT I MENTIONED THAT I WAS APPLYING FOR WAY BACK IN SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021 [description below]
  
• Part of that Big Fat Grant application is documenting the creation and process of that project here, on Patreon! It's going to be taking up my brain space for the NEXT TWO YEARS: making a new act, writing about it, and documenting it through video and photography, and more. Get ready for more chaotic* updates. (*okay hopefully slightly less chaotic than the last creation...😅)
  
• Relatedly: besides updates (blogs, vlogs) on how the project is going, I’m shooting for a goal of sharing an essay/piece of longer writing on the 1st of each month here, starting May 1st [this is part of the Big Fat Grant; further explanation below]
  
  ***NEW***: These essays will be a new "exclusive preview" type content here on my Patreon that I'm trying out. (This is important / relevant to the Big Fat Grant, too; details below). This one particular type of writing (1x/month) will be shared on the 1st of the month here for patrons as an exclusive sneak peek, before going out to the wider world via my mailing list about 2 weeks later, on the 15th of each month (this is part of my obligations for the Big Fat Grant, described below). This will be starting May 1st.
  
  That means that if you need to adjust your finances this spring but still want to keep up with my work, you can still catch the long-form writing for free — just a little later than the super-squad of strange, wonderful patrons here on this platform.
  
  (***EMPHASIS: Patrons will be the only ones who get my blog/vlog updates about physical creation & the general creative goings-on— those aren't being shared with the mailing list!)
  
• CHANGES:  The tier system of this Patreon is being simplified to a PWYW system: every tier receives the same thing. This is kind of the direction things ended up in by end of last year anyways, but I've formalized that now and it's reflected in the "home page" / sign-up page of this Patreon.
  
  Long term patrons will occasionally be offered freebies and discounts on physical things and/or workshops, just like last year! Those will go out in monthly updates as they come along. 

ALRIGHT. That’s the short version.
If you’re in it for the long-haul today, here’s the dirty details: 

THE BIG FAT LITTLE GRANT THAT COULD 

Dear Patrons:

Remember when I told you last October that I was going to shoot my shot to see if I could get some support for developing the contortion proof-of-concept of Le Numéro Barbette into an aerial straps act?

Oh, and that that would involve pretty much making Montréal my home-base from mid-May to August or September in order to be with my coach / have access to the right facilities, to do so?

Oh, and document that process with lots and lots of writing, just like I did with my last 2 big projects?

Oh, and then collect and edit and add to those writings to create a second instalment in the SLOW CIRCUS series for Le Numéro Barbette? (And practice my pitch-writing skills once I’ve got the required materials, to see if I can get a little indie publisher to pick it up and do a small print run instead of self-publishing; or, barring that, dive into another self-publishing adventure?)

Oh, and then document the finished straps work with 2 different types of video documentation – a single take version to send to producers of the Cirque de Demain festival and St Johns International Circus Festival for 2023 (well, I pitched 2023; realistically, it’s going to be … 2024, just because of how COVID pandemic things have shaken out, probably); and a more elaborate short circus film that’s shot with all the tricks of the film /TV trade I can muster?

Oh, and then working with some consultants from the Deaf/HoH and Blind/low vision communities to see what I can do to take creative control over the ways that I might increase the different ways I can make those documented works (the writings; the video recordings) accessible?

Oh, and then having a small ticketed digital show (like $5) for that finished short circus film at the end of 2023? (Which you, dear patrons, will get free access to)

 Yeah, I didn’t really remember pitching all of that either, back in October 2021.

So imagine my surprise when I got the confirmation email at the very end of February / start of March saying that the Canada Council for the Arts was awarding me support in the full amount I requested to accomplish all of these crazy things …

*blink blink*

I think I managed to let myself feel genuine pride and happiness about being awarded the single largest and most complicated grant proposal of my life so far, for about …. Oh …. 48 hours? ;) And then . . . terror promptly set in:

You know, to the tune of: “How the F am I going to do this? I can’t do this. Why did I think I could do this?!", to be specific.

After many anxiety-ridden conversations with all of the various artists and mentors in my life over the course of the month of March, I’ve ended up in a place where I think I have a better handle on the heart of this work that I believed in enough in October to write such a ridiculous grant for, forgot about in the messiness of the meantime, and am rediscovering now.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN.
(And much more to come – the next update here will be a good ol' review & recap of this project, which is going to extend through 2022 into the entirety of 2023).

(this is still the vibe, just a little bit, tbh)

* * * * * * * * 

HOUSEKEEPING

First, thanks for all patiently hanging in there while I took a little time off from this Patreon to figure out how I might unclench enough to let it evolve into the next stage it needs to move towards. I appreciate you all holding space for my messiness and chaos.

I took the last few months to reflect on what I’ve accomplished with this Patreon account so far, how it’s serving my artistic and creative goals, and how it might continue to do so this year. 

It’s honestly pretty great looking back on the last year and a half of things, folks!
After reviewing my “old” write-up for what this Patreon is about, I realized that we actually accomplished all the things I set out to do with it from 2020 to 2021: I started the Writing the Circus zines and got a few issues of that out into the world; I documented 2 major new works (VACUUM and Le Numéro Barbette) at length from start to finish; and self-published SLOW CIRCUS: VACUUM.

Now, looking at at 2022 and 2023, I have new goals set for myself thanks to this ridiculous but amazing grant stretching out before me.  This Patreon will continue to be a vehicle for, a support system for, a documentation of, these various creative endeavours! I've updated the "ABOUT THIS PAGE" section of this Patreon to reflect the following, too.

Here’s how things are going to work starting May 1st:

• This Patreon will still be serving as a home for ongoing creative documentation of my circus work: research, creation, and presentation. For 2022 and 2023, this will largely centre around the big grant I was awarded by the Canada Council for the Arts last month.
  
  When you apply for these big grants, oftentimes the Powers That Be want to know how the work is going to trickle back out into your communities, how it's going to have impact on artists outside of yourself (potentially). I proposed to document my creative and artistic process through writing here, on my Patreon, once again, in this Canada Council for the Arts grant.  One of the challenges I've set for myself (to keep myself on track generating enough reflection and writing for the Year 2 elements of this grant project) is that I'd like to try to write an essay each month on something relevant to the artistic questions that I posed in the grant I was just awarded: circus, circus history, gender identity, gender performance, etc.
  
  As described above, I'll be collecting, reviewing, editing, and revamping whatever writings come out of the next year-long period to form the foundation for VOLUME 2 of the "SLOW CIRCUS" series (as in, there's gonna be a SLOW CIRCUS: BARBETTE to join SLOW CIRCUS: VACUUM !!!)
  
• In order to make access to these writings a little more egalitarian for folks (I'm mostly thinking about other trans & gender-expansive folks/artists) that can't commit to monthly patronage (Patreon still hasn't rolled out that freebie / 'gift patronage to someone else' option), I'm trying out something new: one piece of writing here each month (the essay / musings on transgender experiences, performance, identity, etc) will also go out to my mailing list, after you get a 2-week head-start on it.
  
  All of the actual project updates, behind-the-scenes photos, vidoes, and vlogs, and the like – will remain Patreon-exclusive content. The only thing that's changing (gonna try it out for the rest of the year) is sending out the essay that lands here on the 1st of the month, to my mailing list as well, on the 15th of the month.
  
  I'm hoping this is going to help me build community with a wider audience of other trans and gender-diverse artists and voices, and (I hope) keep growing a potential audience of readers who might support purchasing a completed book (the Toronto Arts Council manuscript I'm finishing), or the next SLOW CIRCUS volume, once it's done.
  We'll see how it goes!
  
• Part of the “community outreach” that has to be built into the kinds of grant that I was awarded is also going to take the form of small-group workshops focusing on how to think about, write about, and talk about our work as artists.
  
  I’ll be building on what I learned from my En Piste speaker spot from February 2022 to create a little artistic-mentorship-capsule that I hope is helpful for other artists of every stripe and discipline to learn how to sum up what they do, so they can communicate it effectively to other folks that can help boost it, develop it, collaborate on it, and more. My goal is to host my first one of these workshops sometime in June.
  
  As my patrons, if any of you folks are interested in joining in on that kind of fun, there’ll be a free spot offered for any of my long-haul patrons (4 months+) on a first-come, first-served basis, and discount codes besides that if you’re chomping at the bit and the free spot has been snapped up. Or, if you're the kind of long-haul patron who loves to support but isn't a creator yourself, I'm going to try to figure out an option where you could gift that freebie spot to an artist you know who would benefit from such a thing. (ETA: Later this summer!)(i.e., after I'm done the Toronto Arts Council manuscript) (trying not to shoot myself in the foot & do too many things at once like I usually do ... yeesh). 

ALRIGHTIE THEN – 

That's it for now, folks.

I'll be polishing and editing the essay that's slated for May 1st over the rest of this month, and writing  a "recap and review" post on where Le Numéro Barbette is going thanks to the Big Fat Grant this year over the next month.

Beyond that, I'm burying myself in my keyboard for the rest of April to try to crank out the remainder of my Cirque de Demain story manuscript – I really want to have a first draft completed by the end of the month so that I have time to let it sit, do some edits, and start massaging it into the shape it needs to be in well ahead of my August deadline for that (that's when the Toronto Arts Council wants a 'Final Report' on the whole thing). It's been going a bit slower in that department due to returning to filming the final few episodes of Motherland: Fort Salem out in Vancouver, but I've got it under control and I'm determined to meet my goals!

All my strange, wonderful love – 

Ess