Feeling That Feeling & The Pursuit of Impossible Things (Patreon)

I’ve made it something of a habit to ask fellow angsty circus artists where they imagine their acts happening. 

“What’s your dream performance?” I ask them. “Is it working for Cirque du Soleil? Is it working for one of the smaller Montréal companies? Do you want to be a glamorous downtown nightclub ambient gig aerialist, working every weekend? Do you want the European cabaret circuit? Festivals? Coaching? Local showcases? Contemporary / experimental art gallery showings?”

The answer matters, because it determines a great deal about what kind of act you should make, the way you should be training, the kind of research you should or could be doing to help yourself get there. The kind of act you’re going to make to try to pitch to Cirque de Demain is likely different from an act you might want to show at the Theatre Bizarre in Detroit, for example. Different audiences; different stages; different goals.

While I’m not ruling things out, it’s never been on my ‘big goals’ list to work for Cirque du Soleil or any of the ‘big companies’. I’ve always needed to balance my circus career with the film & television work (stunts or acting) that has made it financially more feasible to try embarking on a professional circus career at such a geriatric age. A giant 2-year contract is not what I want.

Right now, I think the thing I would like the most for my circus career – the thing that, at the end of it all, looking back, would make me happy and feel accomplished – is working one more time at the Moulin Rouge in Paris, with a solo act instead of a duo.

I loved the neighbourhood, I loved living and working in Paris, I loved speaking French every day.
I loved the backstage with all the rows of opulent costumes hanging on clever pulley systems.
I loved the byzantine passageways that led off to offices or over to stables for miniature horses or up to an abandoned cinema that they own but just don’t use.
I loved being immersed in, and part of, the history of that cabaret.
It felt good.
I want to feel that feeling again.

There are plenty of external factors I don’t have control over that might make it so that this doesn’t happen again in my lifetime – for example, I found out the first time I was hired there that they book out the variety acts within the revue sometimes up to five years in advance. They could already have their schedule filled until long after I’ve decided I’m done hurting my body to quite this degree, this frequently! But I can try. And I’ve at least worked for them once before, and they seemed to like me. And it sure is useful to think about as a high-water mark. And I still have their contact information (evil chuckle).

"What does this have to do with Barbette?" you ask.
"Paris isn't Zurich, Ess" (I can hear you all reminding me).

It's a goal that goes beyond the possibility of going to Zurich with this act in October. That whole "Shoot for the moon, if you miss you'll land among the–" oh god it's so cheesy I can't even finish typing the sentence but ... you get the picture.

I don't know if this is a ridiculous way to go about things or not, but it's serving as a star that shines brightly enough for me to follow through the murk, stress, and uncertainty that awaits me over the next 3 weeks of intense act creation.

I'm hoping that my old-meets-new homage to Barbette will put stars in that Zurich producer's eyes and I'll land that contract as a solo instead, in terms of my immediate goals. And in terms of the *big* goals – the ones that keep me going beyond the day-to-day grind? –  What could be more attractive than re-mounting an act that pays homage to one of the Moulin Rouge’s biggest circus stars, 100 years later? [Hopefully the Moulin Rouge director will think so, too].

I’ve figured out what I’m doing.

Now I just have to pull it off.

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This is your final writing instalment for this week, folks!

Next week's writing starts to dig into the costuming and music composition work that's been going on, and the start of creation in studio. Stay tuned <3