August Update (Patreon)

Hello, my strange & wonderful Patrons – 

I've paused your Patron donation on this account this month.
I might do it next month, too.
We'll see.

During this 'pause-time', you'll be receiving a series of scheduled posts, spaced out over the next week or two: some writings that I've whipped up for you over the past couple days and broken up into smaller, digestible posts. Something to bring you up to speed on what I'm working on right now (because – surprise! – once again, I've needed to pivot). They're the kind of thing I guess I would have normally sent out to my mailing list, but it feels 'right' to just be sharing this with you folks, for the time being. I'm hoping it makes up for the following a little bit.

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I've been quiet this summer. I know that this platform exists to support the artists that we love in doing their work, whatever that may be. But I've spent time specifically narrowing the focus of this Patreon down to my circus-adjacent writing work – and there hasn't been much writing happening for me, lately.

I don't feel good about that.
I know many of you likely are here because you Just Like Supporting The Weird Things I Make (thank you).
But I also know many of you are likely here for what I've made this Patreon about for the last year: the writing part.

I thought that finishing up everything to do with Slow Circus would leave me feeling expansive and full of ideas.
I thought that taking a break from film & television would help me with my burnout.
I thought that taking a break from social media would help me feel less scared of how much vitriol and hate the internet might lob at me on any given day of the week.  

None of those things happened.

I told myself in April, Ah, you've done Issue 3 of Writing the Circus, just let it be for a month and see what topics come up organically that feel interesting to you for the 4th issue.  

I told myself in May, Ah! Cirque de Demain feels so much more interesting to me right now ... it's alright if you're feeling more like creative non-fiction writing than writing an essay or two for the next zine issue. Let it be.  

Then June came. Contract offers came.
You all know how that went.  (3 word long review, if you missed it: they didn't happen).  
The show that I was out in Vancouver taping from October 2020-April 2021 began airing on Freeform & Hulu*
Even being off of most social media platforms, I felt stressed and overwhelmed with that new degree of public presence. Writing continued to not happen. 

(* It's Motherland: Fort Salem – sort of a witchy teeny-bopper show (if you're over 21, I'm not sure it's your cup of tea; unless you're over 21 and love any kind of TV programming that is witch-related, and/or re-imagined semi-dystopian futures to the tune of matrilineal military sagas).  

I guess it's just taking a little longer to find a good balance again than I thought.
I've had a hard time re-balancing my priorities in the wake of the new acting things I've had the opportunity to do.  
And that's ok – but I just don't feel good about accepting your monthly financial support while I do that.  
While there's not much writing.  
Just artistic flailing.

What happened instead was this:
"Hey kid, here's a really cool circus performance opportunity in Europe – Oh, but there's a catch!: you'll need to pull this off in a completely un-ideal timeline, focus pretty much only on this for the 6 weeks, and at that point just maybe have a shot at the contract coming through. Wanna take a stab at it?"  

I'm taking a stab at it.

There's no easy way forward through all the continuing change and stress of these weird times.
But we've gotta do it anyways.
Circus makes me happy, and gives me a sense of purpose and accomplishment.
It's what I want to focus on right now, so I'm going to do it.
Or, at least, I'm going to try.

I think you're going to really like what I'm making.
Under different circumstances, this absolutely would've found its way into a properly paced grant application to the Canada Council for the Arts but ... well, these aren't those circumstances.

Thank you all for your patience and support – 
The show must go on!

Until next time, stay strange & wonderful -
XO

Ess