Comfort Zones (Patreon)

Hello, lovely Patrons!

A brief update of a different nature while I hammer out the first few pages of the Cirque de Demain writing project. I'm moving outside my comfort zone and taking on a small aerial project!

I've been asked to take part in a (paid! woo!) digital collaboration with some West coast artists for the Transform Cabaret & Festival, in partnership with The Cultch (a historic theatre in Vancouver) and Urban Ink.  Their mission is to amplify Indigenous voices and art, and  encourage collaboration with non-Indigenous artists. This year they're matching up circus artists with Indigenous classical composers to create new works that are recorded and stitched together into a cohesive 60 to 70 minute show! 

I know – I'm as tired as the next person of digital shows. BUT! From the sounds of it, the foundation of this project is not just gluing circus act after circus act together in a kind of live-curated YouTube playlist (anyone else feel that way when they've tuned into any of the 'online cabarets' that have run over the pandemic?). There's a cohesive vision to the whole thing, being overseen by one videography/editing team, amongst other elements that sound like it's all going to add up to something beautiful, powerful, and altogether enjoyable to watch.

All my biggest professional achievements have been in ground-based works so far – but I've wanted to change that for a long time. This feels like the right time to go for it!

Now – as you might have guessed – the moment I flipped the mental switch in my brain from 'Can I do this?' to, 'I'm doing this!' was also riiiiiight about the time that a very loud wave of Imposter Syndrome began crashing down around my ears.

You can't choreograph an aerial piece...!

You don't have enough aerial vocabulary to do that.

You don' t have good enough straps technique yet to make an act that's worth watching, what are you doing?

How will you keep up your contortion at the same time? 

WhAt iF yOu lOoK sTuPid?!
etc etc.

Luckily,  I have a few friends around me who are also trying to Do The Thing, currently – comrades-in-arms at my disposal to bounce all manner of "I CAN'T DO ITTTTT"s off of as my waves of self-doubt ebb and flow:

My circus peer Mary-Margaret Scrimger is in the latest round of The Audacity Project with Rachel Strickland, and we have regular conversations about her aerial project. Rachel Strickland works all sorts of creative magic with her Audacity Project artists, and I'm convinced that I'm getting some of the glow off of Mary-Margaret's process as I sit here and remind myself that, No, you can Do The Thing, Ess. It's just been a global pandemic for a while and everything feels weird.

Additionally, Jen Crane has already been yelling at me to stop saying things to myself that I would never say out loud to a friend (excellent life hack if you're someone with a very loud, very critical internal monologue) and is an ongoing source of nerdy delight in my life to bounce niche artistic concepts off of, no matter WHAT project it is I've turned my attention to!

I'm thinking that this contract might necessarily take me to Montréal to do it right (which, right now, would mean an interprovincial quarantine but – so be it), because training space is free for professionals there right now. They've also got better ceiling heights, rigging systems – AND, I might be matched with a composer who actually lives in Montréal! In Toronto, I'd be stuck begging keys and 2 hour time slots off of stressed-out studio owners under the cover of night and the grey-zone guise of 'professional athletic training' under my province's continued lockdown parameters. Not great. 

The festival organizer says that she's having the first big production meeting for this project on Monday, and that a group ZOOM of all involved artists could be as soon as next Friday. I'll be sure to update you all!

As I've done with my other creative processes (like when I made VACUUM), I'll be documenting things here as I go along and sharing my research, setbacks, and breakthroughs.

Huzzah!

Stay strange & wonderful ,

Ess