An Update (Patreon)

Dearest friends –

I want to try something new.

Quarantine has given back time for something that is important for all writers, but that is also one of the first things to slip away as the list of priorities lengthens ...

Reading.

I've been reading voraciously. In particular, I've been reading zines. Re-reading old zines that were given to me; reading new zines in digital form on the Patreon's of other artists that I support and admire and turn to for inspiration.

In hard copy form they can look something like the below –  and then various iterations of that in digital form (generally .pdf form).

I've become really drawn to this format  –– small booklets, collections of essays, writings, poems, musings, drawings, photographs, usually around a central subject. Beyond the quiet radicality of choosing to publish something all by your damn self, this style of grouping writing together in a small, tasty, consumable chunk appeals to the neurotic ordering of my mind in a very satisfying way.

I'd like to give it a go.

If you've been my patron on here for a minute already (THANK YOUUUU), then you've probably already experienced some of how my creative flow manifests: my writing will happen in tsunamis (especially if I'm trying to 'live-write' an experience, like when I was competing in China), and then I'll recover from the comedown/burnout, sharing training video along the way and smaller snippets of writing.

It's hard to resist the 21st century drive to create content all day, every day something new to look at. Quarantine-time is especially weird, since there's mixed perceptions as to how 'busy' everyone is, and what people are doing with their time.

I regularly feel pressure to write more, post more, create more in return for the patronage you all support me with. It creates a cycle of stress and guilt that I recognize, and that I try to actively fight against – not only because it's unproductive, but also because that pressure is coming from an internal place where I'm not giving myself the space and permission to take what I need to create.

Patreon exists as a way to create a different kind of connection and creation-process that can help us get outside of that capitalistic mindset we all lean to (because it's the air we breathe, the water we swim in, our whole lives). You guys support me on here because you have space, tolerance, patience, understanding that creative processes don't necessarily happen in daily chunks of content. I find myself going through waves of finding peace with that, being able to relax into it, and see what art comes out – countered by periods of 'oh crap, what if folks think I'm not doing enough on here ...'.

I sat down to think about what facets of my creative process serve me the best, as a writer. As a thinker. And my writing and my thinking doesn't necessarily happen (ok let's be real, it just doesn't happen) as an 'on tap' drip-coffee style metaphorical beverage. Looking at other creators and writers on this platform that I admire, I see folks giving themselves anywhere from a month to three months to create these writing collections. I like that.

I feel excited about  'zine-style writing collection'  not only as an aesthetic and organizational choice, but because I have a hunch that my writing-creation style is really suited to it. It allows things to slow down. It allows for the ebb and flow of I-need-to-sit-down-and-write-right-this-second! vs the I-just-need-to-stare-out-my-window-and-think.

I love to write collections of essays, prose, and creative nonfiction around a central subject.

I love injecting my lived reality into this work to lend context to the philosophical and political subjects that those experiences hold.

I love reading hard-copy things.

So here's what I'm going to do. 

• 1) I'm going to buy a printer (today).
• 2) While I'm waiting for that to arrive in the mail, I'm going to put together a bundle of stories from my time in Mongolia -- a collection of stories, spanning a contained period of time. I'm going to share that here with you all next, as a trial. A taster.
• 3) When my printer arrives, I'm going to create my first hard-copy collection of that digital essay collection. It'll probably be a small, 16-page style booklet.
• 4) I'm going to mail out those hardcopies to all of my $10 patrons this first time around.
• It will be posted here for all patrons first in digital format (.pdf), and that's how the division will continue -- digital writing living here, and hard copy mail-outs available for folks who want to support on a higher tier level.
• ***FYI, if I keep going with this / in future, hardcopy prints will likely need to live on a new level, around $15 or $20 to cover printing costs and mailing costs FYI... ink is hella expensive. Tiers may simplify down to a couple levels, with my $10 crew getting grandfathered in to whatever the new, higher level is and my $5 crew getting all the digital-version goodies ✨
• Ultimate goal? Have a full-length book collection of this work. I’m just gonna say that / write that now. So that the back corners of my brain can start chewing on how I’m going to make that happen.

So let's see!

Will I like how it looks?

Will I like how it feels?

Will new meaning come from bundling those thoughts and writings and experiences together in one place?

(I have a feeling they will).

If you've got thoughts and suggestions, leave 'em in the comments below or you can message me privately!

Let's give it a go.

Stay strange & wonderful & healthy

xx.

ess