Interview With the Waitress (Patreon)

Interview with the Waitress

 [Please be advised this next segment is for adults only. The content about to be aired may not be suitable for children.] 

“Hello there! Diana Ferguson here from Ivory News reporting in on the hot new sensation that’s got this town in a buzz. I’m at Cochran Coffee today with a special guest, the co-owner and waitress Anabell! So Anabell, tell me about this specialty drink, what is it called? The “Fappucino”?”

“Hello Diana! Well it’s quite simple, it’s a play on “fap”, which is, like you know, the slang to masturbate, and cappuccino.”

“Interesting! Now obviously the main attraction of this drink is the… um…”

“It’s our semen, Diana.”

“Your semen - that’s so risque! You’d think it’d taste, well, let’s just say that people don’t usually have a taste for, um, semen! Especially in their food!”

“You’re right, and I think that’s why we’re so successful today. We -”

“By ‘we’ you mean you and your waitresses, right?”

“That’s right Diana, we put ourselves on a special diet that fortifies the consistency and changes the taste. It’s still semen, but it’s sweeter, and the residual saltiness and bitterness goes well with special blend of espresso. It’s not for the faint of heart, for sure, it’s very different. Best served hot of course!”

“Well I’m sure! Now if I'm correct, you invented this drink right? How did you come up with this novel idea?”

“Haha, it actually has a simple story. Well you know how us ‘intersexed’ individuals have a hard time staying traditionally modest. We have leakage problems. Well one day I had an accident. I was studying for my finals and I took a break. Well long story short I accidentally got some of my semen into my coffee. I drank it anyway because who wants to waste coffee, and it was awful! But not so awful that it couldn’t be something greater.

I changed my diet and experimented, and eventually found a diet that is not only very healthy but also very delicious for us and our customers.”

“One last question before I wrap this up! What are you going to school for?”

“I was studying to become a lawyer! But after this success I think I really want to pursue a career in the culinary arts.”

“Well! Thank you very much for your time today, Anabell! Best of luck to you. I am Diana Ferguson here at Ivory News. Have a wonderful day!”