Tired (Patreon)

Good evening my dears! Well I hope you all have been doing just peachy keen for these past few days! Busy things have been going on all around, and life is happening as always. You know..I want to sit with you this evening, and I'll hope you'll permit me seeing that we have not done so for a while.

I haven't had as much time as I've been hoping to have. Most of the time I've been only able to wake up early enough to take a breath, try and find myself before walking out the door and to a place I know is trying to get rid of me in underhanded ways. The weekends are what gets me. Last Saturday I spent a couple of minutes bandaging my feet in the bathroom at Amazon. My feet have been bleeding from the constant standing and excess use. I need better shoes, I know.

My bike got stolen two days ago, so I've lost even more time, and it contributes to one of the previous sayings. I've been a bit more exhausted and sick as of late that I'm terrified I may be developing a kidney infection. Those fears don't leave you after you've been through one. So why am I telling you these things..? What is the point of this...? Well I guess where it all starts is that..

I signed the paper work for the lease on the apartment. I walked there myself for it. After I bandaged my feet, and took a hard long look in the mirror, I smiled as I went back out on the floor and talking to people as if there were not a worry at all in my world. I laughed in the darkness of the night when I came for my bike and found out it was no longer there. I'm hoping whoever took it doesn't get into trouble because the thing was just about falling apart. I hope they one day learn it wasn't okay to do this, and that maybe the first words passing through the previous owner's thoughts were " Be safe, don't do this again, and find peace. "

We have every right and every reason to be consumed by the problems that surround ourselves. We have every justification to rest our heads forward and shutdown with the belief life is a terrible thing, and that people are most terrible of all. I'm hoping you don't believe that, and I'm hoping you haven't reached that point. We cannot rest our heads just yet when we have so many wonderful things coming.

I have social anxiety, and on-phone talk gets me the most wound. It can make me feel desperately sick. This morning I was on the phone for a half hour with a man who was so taken with my enthusiasm that I received a job offer on the spot as a brand advocate at Costco. If you're reading these words, I want you to know its okay to feel weak at times, and to take a deep breath. I want you to know that when the strength finds you again, it can be as equally important to push outside of your comfort zones and expectations.

These moments are not here to punish you. Life is not a testament to how much one can take before they are broken, but of lessons and opportunity to tell yourself you can do something different, and be in a spotlight of your own. that in ever moment, good or bad, there is a chance for more. I will never tell you this will be easy. Doubt will find you first. Desperation will find you last. Somewhere in the middle however...there is you, and I know you will reach beyond the start and end of the premise, whatever it may be. My legs are weak right now but I'll be standing with you whenever you need it.

Now enjoy some sketches, express yourself now and again, and sleep well tonight. We all could use some rest.