Star Sketches (Patreon)

Well good evening everyone~ I hope you've all been doing well. Today has not been so hot for myself. You might say I woke up on the wrong side of bed and so I felt very out of sorts today. I tried my best though, and decided to help out a friend who has really been hard on themselves about creating a character. So we've been having some throwbacks on designs to help cheer them up and get that inspiration going.

It can be hard sometimes to be patient with ourselves, or to see things as an opportunity rather than punishment. For my friend, they said they felt lost, that every page was frustrating to sketch and design, and that they had no creativity at all in them. And it isn't true because..well..look at what we did and where we are going!

So they looked to me and told me how it always just seemed to come so easily for me and that I've always been confident and gifted with art. It was sweet, but its not the truth because in many ways we all some days find ourselves drifting. They couldn't see it, just as I found it hard to see their own but we kept sketching and still are. I know they have it in them and I'm going to help it shine.

Last night I felt exhausted. I rested my head against the keyboard and felt horrible because emotionally I was struggling as I sometimes do. Some nights I really am myself in the way that can be destructive and all I do is my best to channel that sadness, those frustrations and fears into love and support because no one deserves another reason for misery. Good news exists too and it needs to be shared with everyone.

It hurts a lot when I feel hardly a soul is listening. So wild thoughts enter my mind " Maybe I'll just stop. Maybe I should go away. I can't compete with anyone and its been eleven years now with nothing to show. My art is meaningless and it is only growing quieter around me. " and they don't last. They really don't. I know better because people like you that take the time and spare the gift of donations to me for which I am thankful. I just feel differently sometimes and it is hard to ignore. Dears, don't ever think walking away will solve the problems of there being nothing. It can only hurt you more.

I received a note on FA before I decided on going to bed. They always worry me because usually..they're not pleasant. But it was kind words from a kind soul who had taken the time and told me how they viewed my work for the past couple of months and how it helped them feel better about themselves. That in some way I was a hero. I didn't feel like it. We're all going through the motions and things as honesty, compassion and kindness build the foundation of those struggles of the self and more. No matter how outwardly expressive I may be or how I carry myself, I can feel weak too and feel just as helpless and in despair.

 So for that night...they were my hero when I needed it most. Tonight all of you are mine when I need it most.

Feel free to download a picture of the sketches in a higher resolution. They are silly.