Unhealthy (Patreon)

Good evening my dears! I hope you are doing alright tonight! 

Well, after taking some light-drowsy motion sickness medicine last night, it followed me the ENTIRE day. With this being a day off for myself, I felt an overwhelming back and forth between crawling to bed, and trying to work on art with a brain full of static. 

I still feel that artificial sleepiness, and the mental state I've been in has made it frustrating. So I wanted to talk about that if only in a few short words on a page. 

We can expect a lot from ourselves some days. Maybe more than is needed let alone manageable. Some of us are raised this way from a strict family. Others learn this from school which eventually becomes work, which...becomes life. 

I think one of the most difficult things to admit now and again to myself is that the way I view my personal time is unhealthy. That even with a day off work all I could think about was how I could spend that time building up another piece of art, and how angry I was with myself struggling to even get up from the chair, let alone keep my eyes open.  

Deep down I know it's not okay. That I robbed myself of even enjoying any moment, when I had that precious time. All because...I expect myself to provide something, to make something of myself as I've always been told to do by others all my life. It's as subtle a thing as it is abusive. 

This is a weak moment for me, and I wanted to share it with you. I know I have my own problems like anyone else, and sometimes those problems don't just go away but instead become something we work on little by little. Day by day. Year by year. 

I'll get better, because I have been getting better. If you've been going through some things yourself, I want you to know that you'll get better too. You probably already have, but sometimes...we just have very unhealthy expectations.