2020 Retrospective (Patreon)

Since we're close to the end of the year, I wanted to share some highlights and reflect on my art and fashion. ⁠ I originally shared this on IG but pulled it so I could rewrite and speak more candidly and in length here.

Social Media

I'm struggling to publish this section because my IG grew a lot this year so I feel really guilty complaining about how I'm performing. But I really feel like getting some amount of "successful" is what caused me to spiral downwards, so idk maybe sharing my insights might be helpful for you? But feel free to skip this section if it's too first world problemy.

Last year I could have only dreamed that my posts would get thousands of likes, but once I experienced it my heart would sink when a post didn't reach that even if it still had a lot. I'm very aware that social media does not define your self-worth, but the endorphin rush when you do well was hard to ignore -- I think I was happier before I got a thousand likes on a post, because now that I know what it's like it's hard not to think "why can't I achieve that all the time?" It's scary to think that you peaked.

An additional depressor was that my IG growth made me think I was ready to launch a shop and Patreon. I'm really grateful for the support I've received from you all, but it was not enough to make up for the costs of setting up everything. I learned the hard way that follower count does not translate to income. My childhood dream was always to make a living from my art, so it sucks because I'm so much further from this dream than I thought.⁠ 

I don’t really like dwelling in pity though, I’d rather move on and plan how to get out of my funk. There are two beacons of light I'm trying to hold onto in the midst of all this. 

Art Style

Every time my art style changed this year was a result of me getting depressed about social media and hating my work, so it happened 3 or 4 times lol. But one thing I decided was that I wouldn't change my art style to follow trends and appeal more to others, it would always be to express me as best as possible. 

I'm sure there are ppl who miss my older art, and now that I look back on my earlier work I don't hate it as much as I did at the time. But when I look at my newer art, I feel like it's more artsy, more fashion forward, and more fitting of my designs. I feel like I'm closer to developing a "style" that no one else but me could have made. There's still some work to be done (finding a way to capture likenesses in this style), but it's really nice to feel like I have a style for once.

I shared my art summaries from the previous years because I noticed that the years where I experience tremendous art growth are sandwiched between years where my IG blows up. So hopefully in 2021...?

The Game

My 2020 resolution was to make a video game, stemming from a desire to create something profitable from my art. At the end of 2020, a game had not been completed but the dream to develop a game was still alive and well. I spent the majority of the year flip flopping between two ideas, but around October I finally committed to making a fashion game.

To recap, the game will take place at a prestigious fashion school that holds fashion design battles and tournaments between its students. The story will be told through an interactive visual novel, interspersed with match 3 puzzles to represent the fashion battles. I was really inspired by the idea of stringing chains of pieces together to represent "sewing" pieces together, so I'm exploring mechanics around that.

As you may have seen from my previous posts, I was not only able to build out the school system and design some sample characters, but I've been able to code the puzzle and make it actually playable! But I need to keep working on it to make it fun.

I've also started looking for composers - if you know any composers who would be interested in video games and fashion, please send them my way and have them send me a portfolio!

Planning the game has been a breath of fresh air and joy from the social media grind, it's been more fulfilling than any merch I could be planning. It's very hard to work on this AND posting every week on IG, though. I'm tempted to drop my art accounts altogether but I'm scared to make that commitment until I can announce this game to the public, which is gonna need a lot more time.

Next Steps

So what's my game plan for 2021?

• More fanart: drawing a design every week has been exhausting and not worth the effort, but also sometimes there are hella sick looks that are not by me that I want to draw.
• Less designs: I will still post designs, because I still have so many exciting ideas to share! Just not every week like before. Maybe if I go for quality over quantity I'll hate less of my stuff.⁠ 
• Game dev: I'm going to keep developing this game, and hopefully spending less time on designs will give me more time. If I'm lucky I'll get to announce it by the end of 2021. But that's a really ambitious goal so I'm not too worried.
• Patreon (and sticker cards): I will reevaluate my shop and Patreon and how to make my work worth investing in. As much as I love the sticker cards, I would need to make $50 on Patreon to justify the costs. So I need to consider the future of the cards...but there will be at least one more set for Spring 2021, with brand new art!
• Commissions: I will reopen commissions but prices for designs will go up, for the reasons mentioned above.⁠ I am also considering adjusting the Patreon discount from $5 to $10, for everyone who contributes $5/month or more. Here's a preview of the new prices (graphic is still WIP):

• Mental health and growth: I will keep working on not basing my self-worth on social media performance, which may mean posting less often.⁠ I will keep working on myself as a person so I can earn the friends and support system I want. I will continue cultivating my art style to a point where I can love anything I put out, so you can too.⁠ 

Here's to an artful 2021 <3 ⁠