Fairy Tail: Shinigami - CH236 (Patreon)
Content
[Adam. C. POV.]
They were back.
Kisuke had done it. That insufferable hat-wearing bastard had actually managed to deliver. They were back home.
The reunion, as expected, was more than just emotional. It was hard, in a good way, of course. They thought I had died, they… saw me die, so… who would have blamed them for thinking I had actually kicked the bucket?
Their shock was such, I had even humored the thought of… telling them half-lies to ease them into what had happened, but decided against it. Telling them the entire truth. That I had died, just as they had seen me, but that I had been lucky enough to drop dead at the feet of a certain hat-wearing bastard.
Most of them didn’t question the sheer unbelievability of my tale, but some… well, some had questions, Mavis especially, but… well, that was to be expected, that little devil was at least 90% thirst for knowledge.
Obviously I obliged to her questioning. I had missed her, more than most. She was my best friend, my confidant, heck… she was even my therapist at times.
Not to say I didn’t miss the others. I did. Erza, Natsu, Gray, Gramps, Gildarts and my little sister, Cana. I missed them more than words could describe.
Especially Cana and Gildarts.
I know what many might be thinking now. What about Erza? Well… my feelings about her right now, were complicated.
Aizen’s Bankai had made me see a world where I had everything I had ever wanted. Erza being part of that… I had a family with her, a life… and it all felt real. I loved her, I… love her.
But, the fear of… all of that, being just a byproduct of Aizen’s power, terrified me. What if… what if I only loved her because the idea had been implanted in my head?
Or… what if I was chasing a literal illusion, something that was never there to begin with?
It was these thoughts that haunted me, gnawing at the corners of my mind like a persistent shadow. Every time I caught Erza's gaze, I felt a surge of emotions, a cocktail of love, longing, and a deep-seated fear. It was as if I was standing at the edge of a cliff, and every step towards her could either lead to a fall or a flight.
The others noticed, of course. I had never been a subtle person, or so I’m told.
Natsu, with his blunt but caring nature, would try to fight me to take my mind off whatever was bothering me. Gray, ever the naked observer, gave me knowing looks, but respected my silence. And Erza... she seemed to be in her own world of turmoil, her eyes often reflecting a storm of emotions similar to mine, which only brought more questions to my already troubled head than answers.
Gildarts and Cana, they were different. Being with them felt like a balm to my chaotic thoughts, at least at times. Gildarts, with his laid-back demeanor and wise words, often brought me back from the brink of overthinking.
And Cana, well, my little sister, her unwavering support and her ability to make me laugh even in the darkest of times was a treasure I didn't realize I had missed so much.
It was during one of our late-night talks, under the starlit sky, that Gildarts said something that struck a chord with me in more ways than one. "You know, brat, sometimes the heart knows things that the mind cannot understand. Don't try to rationalize everything. Feel it, let it guide you."
His words echoed in my mind as I lay in my bed that night, staring at the ceiling. Was I overanalyzing my feelings for Erza? Was my fear of Aizen's Bankai manipulating my emotions, or was it just amplifying what was already there?
Things were simple when all I had to worry about… was who was coming to kill me next.
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[Erza Scarlet. POV.]
The memory of that day still haunted me. The day I saw Adam die. It was etched into my mind, an unyielding, relentless echo of despair. The sight of him falling, lifeless, was something I couldn't shake off, no matter how hard I tried. And then, the abrupt sealing in Fairy Sphere by the first master, in a desperate attempt to save him. It all felt surreal, like a nightmare I couldn't wake up from.
Now, we were back… and he was back, as if by some miraculous twist of fate. But the relief of seeing him alive was intertwined with a complex mix of emotions that I couldn't easily unravel. There was joy, certainly, but it was shadowed by the lingering pain of having witnessed his death. It was as if my mind was constantly battling between the reality of his presence and the trauma of his loss.
Adam had changed, there was no denying that. His experiences in that other world, his battles, the people he met, they had shaped him into someone familiar yet distinctly different. It was Adam, but an Adam who had walked paths I could hardly fathom.
He was stronger.
Out of our reach, like a peerless warrior.
My feelings for him were complicated. Seeing him die had shattered something inside me, and his sudden return had not fixed those broken pieces. Instead, it created new, confusing emotions that I struggled to comprehend.
Though… according to feelings for dummies. It was… love.
In my… life, I've faced countless enemies, fought battles that seemed impossible, but nothing prepared me for this internal struggle, this fight of the feelings. Love is a concept I know of, but have never truly understood, at least love love, because friendly love, I understand. Anyways! I've always seen myself as a warrior, strong and unyielding, not someone who grapples with matters of the heart.
Seeing Adam now, hearing his voice, watching him laugh and interact with everyone, it's overwhelming. There's a part of me that wanted to reach out, to understand what this connection means, but there's also a fear. A fear of the unknown, of these emotions that seem to have a life of their own.
And then there's the guilt. Guilt for not being able to save him, for watching him die, for being weak, like always. It's a weight that presses down on me, mixing with the new, unfamiliar feelings that bubble to the surface when he's near.
I've always been the one to face my fears head-on, to not shy away from a challenge. But this, this is different. It's not a physical enemy I can defeat with my sword. It's something inside me, something that requires a different kind of strength.
“Maybe I should ask Lucy…” I muttered, dropping into my bed.