update: plugins, "MORE ADVENTURES", brain drought (Patreon)

hey all, hope you're keeping well.

this weekend all the plugins should be available - but that's really secondary to this update. this is more about where i am with music at the moment.

"MORE ADVENTURES" is about 50% done, but has been that way for a month or so, and i haven't been able to rough out even sketches i've felt all that happy with. i like to think of myself as something of an expert at "art blocks" since i know how they work. my understanding of creation outpaces my ability, so i have to do technical exercises until i catch up. or, that's usually the case.

in the here and now, i understand how to execute, and i know how to harvest ideas, but none with the spirit i seek in my work are coming to fruition or even passing through at the moment. i've been smashing my head against this and for the first time in quite some time, i'm depressed about work. between wanting to make this project come to life and being unhappy with my output, my drive has more or less fizzled out for the time being.

as mentioned, the plugins are coming this weekend, but after that i think i need to do some serious introspection to find the direction i need to take with this and all current projects. there's much i want to do but my path is unclear and i'm not sure how to embark without directions at the moment, so to speak. it's usually something i'm good at. i love going nowhere and getting lost. but right now, for some reason, i fear that.

part of me feels  as though this has to do with expectations - both expectations i've set up for myself and the feeling that i'm just not delivering enough to the world right now regardless of the field (music, resoucres, video, software, games, streams, etc) and that my current existence is somehow disappointing. i don't know how i've managed to cook up this feeling - since i have been working tirelessly lately, just without things that have immediate presentable results.

i think the tl;dr is that after this weekend i'm going to take a few days away from everything and do some much needed soul-searching. the last time i drifted through my mind palace i came out with some renewed sense of self, but i burned extremely bright and extremely hard on the first half of "MORE ADVENTURES" and a bunch of plugin development. maybe i just need to check in with myself more often. i prefer to burn bright and fizzle out before recharging, but maybe i pushed too far this time? who's to say.

either way, thank you for your ongoing support. i hope that i can continue to make it worth it for you in as many ways as i can. even with droughts that seem to happen every couple years, i will always bounce back better than before.

lots of love. please look forward to the toys this weekend, and hopefully plenty of exciting things soon after.