the shift to public existence (Patreon)

hey all, hope you're doing well. and if not, i hope wellness comes to you soon. ♥

if you follow me elsewhere (twitter, primarily) it's probably obvious that i've been doing much more of what i do publicly - sharing resources, streaming, and doing what i can in this slumpy period to try to keep busy, keep creating things and putting goodness into the world, and make people smile when i can. and i suppose given this patreon's existence, that's a bit of a conundrum.

the long and the short is, i don't feel like privatization of what i create, aside form behind the scenes updates when they're relevant, is conductive to a better world culturally, or even socially. if anything, it serves to accentuate the divide between "haves" and "have-nots", and that's not something i want to do, ever. ideally, i want to simply give as much as possible to as many as possible.

as i continue to regularly branch out beyond just music - streaming, graphic work, web design, gamedev,  rhythm game charting, general audio-video fuckery - i've more or less come to see myself as a provider of things for the internet, and that's a role i take great pride in. if there's anything i want to do, it's to provide things. i like to think i provide quite a decent amount of things, but that's my own outlook, and there's obvious bias.

so that's the issue, oddly enough. i'm kind of floored that i must be doing enough to be worth supporting on here, still, and if it weren't for the support i receive from all of you incredible (i mean that, from the bottom of my heart) people, i wouldn't be able to provide what i do the way i do. for that my gratitude is absolutely, positively endless. i've been facing, and continue to face, challenges in the term of mental health that i could not have possibly foreseen when i started this patreon, and i feel like it served as a place for me to grow and heal, quietly doing my thing. the next step, though, is to be as out there as i possibly can, and to keep doing whatever it is i need to do.

tl;dr i'm not sure what to do with patreon, but currently also can't do the whole living thing without it. i do like to think i'm continuing to offer something valuable (to the internet in general), but i understand if that may not be the case. the discord is cool, and just about every tier gets just about every update, now, while the $10 tier continues to get merch discounts - which i think will be a big deal as this year goes on, as i'm still shooting to release a ton of stuff this year - but yeah. hm. it's like.

i guess it's one of those 'web artist' things. where i just do a good amount of everything. i've always looked up to people like Neil Cicierega - his upbringing is not unlike mine, and i discovered his work around the same time i started making similar work. as time goes on i want to do more of everything. like yeah, music is my main field, but there's so much i want to do and provide. i really want to keep branching out.

tl;dr part 2: so, thank you for your patience while i keep figuring things out. i can't just do one thing forever, and i think people that have been following what i do for... oh no, like 15 years or something? oh no. but uh, people that have been following for that long (or somehow longer if you go back to the Mario Fan Games Galaxy days?!) probably know i'm not just here to make music. and i'm really hoping that's ok! and i'm really grateful for your presence and the amount of time you've given me and my projects and ideas. and i would love to have your support going forward while i keep growing and healing and putting (what i hope is) goodness into the world. that's my goal, i think.

this was, ah, very off-the-cuff and maybe a little awkwardly structured, but it's equally awkward for me to talk about. i want to be my best me for you all (and for myself). 

i love you all.