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it's 10am and i still haven't been able to sleep. i've been trying for 5 hours and my body is just not having it.  here's the run down of what i think is going on:

when i started taking citalopram, it was very energizing, so i had to take it in the morning, but eventually it wound up making me drowsy, so i took it at night, and have been doing so for most of the time i've been on it. recently though it seems like the stimulating properties have been recurring and for the past few nights i imagine that it is what's been keeping me up.

right now i'm not sure what to do, to be honest. my schedule keeps flip-flopping even though i have things i want to and need to do, winter makes for short days in terms of sunlight which is extremely upsetting (seasonal affective disorder), and my general sleep/wake/work cycles haven't been lining up in a way that has allowed me to be social with anybody in person in quite some time.

stuff is kind of a mess right now. i'm especially not sure how to approach the streaming thing right now...

so i guess i might ask: do you think streams should be unscheduled? that i should just stream whenever i'm feeling it and want to share what i'm doing? i think the idea of scheduling these streams is actually detracting from my ability to do worthwhile things during them, not to mention currently not all that compatible with what's going on with me. i'm not a very "routine" person in the first place, and it's especially out of wack right now.

i'm doing alright emotionally, it's mostly a bunch of rotten inconveniences and minor issues compounding to make this all harder than it actually is.

ok sure i think that's all for now. drop a comment and lemme know if you're cool with a "stream whenever" type deal where i post pretty much right before i start. it's less convenient for people i'm sure, but the varied timing and whatnot will probably good for multiple time zones, and i'm sure the work will be better too.

sorry about getting yall excited for something today.

Comments

Anonymous

> do you think streams should be unscheduled? Yes, I like the idea, but we should be told a bit in advance so we can prepare (an hour? 30 minutes?)

Anonymous

Yeah sure, stream whenever it happens.

lapfox

yeah, i would probably give about 30 minutes notice, but notice would be harder in case i get "out of the zone" by then

Anonymous

I totally don't mind that at all. I agree with rebane too :3

Anonymous

I'm a fan of the "stream whenever" idea because it's always such a nice surprise to get an email about a stream from someone I love

Rahcassi

Doesn't make a difference to me since I couldn't catch the streams before anyway lol

Anonymous

This post is v. Cute and you're way too nice to us :>

Anonymous

That being said, I don't think unscheduled streams are a problem. I know I personally tune into so many random streams at random times. Although I will say it's mostly not a problem for people because they can usually watch a vod if they miss a stream. I think whatever benefits you creatively and emotionally is #1 though, and most people should agree. Better streaming means better for your health, which means better for your mind, which means better for your creativity, which means more stuff from you that's at 100% all cylinders firing.

Anonymous

Unscheduled seems okay. Hope you get everything sorted out with yourself :

WoodPulpPancake

Have you tried going the route of any atypical antidepressants? Mirtazapine and bupropion have helped me greatly. Just throwing it out there because of my past struggle with SSRIs.

Anonymous

I love unscheduled things way more than scheduled things no matter what is happening

Infested2A03

I'm down with this!

Anonymous

Unscheduled streams are somewhat fine with me, though I think that i'll miss them from time to time.

Anonymous

unscheduled streaming is pretty much fine though I think you should really just take some time to figure out your schedule (or lack of) and just stream once things are in order, whether you plan them ahead or not.

Anonymous

I think you should do what makes you feel best! I know that routine helps me stay productive, but it's a very tough balancing act to make sure that you don't end up hurting yourself by forcing it. If you trust your ability to continue to work (which I do, given how much work you've put in and put out in the last several years), then do what you can, when you can. It'll work out!

Fundz64

Not much worth worrying about the art pieces and stream schedule if the artist thelself has difficult obstacles they're facing. Stream whenever you see fit, as long as your mind-set is okay. Us fans would hate ourselves to see you draining what's left of your energy. Your health should be 'priorité numéro un' ;)

Anonymous

I don't mind unscheduled, when you feel like you can, health comes first ❤

Anonymous

I have no problem with random streams, it might be a little tricky to catch them on time however. Would it be possible to record them and put them up on picarto like you used to do? Then we wouldn't have to worry about missing them entirely.

Anonymous

I would not be against them being unscheduled

Anonymous

I think unscheduled would be totally fine, although it would be really great for those of us who can't always catch them if they were posted to be watched later. Hope you get everything sorted out, that all sounds really rough D:

Anonymous

I live on the other side of the world from Australia, so often your streams are on really early for me. I'm fine with no schedule, but if you plan to stream I'd prefer if I had at least a notice 12 hours before you go live. I wish you the best, what's going on sounds tough on you.

Anonymous

People close to me have used citalopram for a while so i get how that goes. Stream whenever, I agree with Sinnerscout to an extent though, however much forewarning can be given would be nice.

Anonymous

/late, but- It's easy to say "you do you," and another to do it, but even so... If you feel like creating, or streaming: do it. You've done the trial and error of finding what works for you so far, and you know you best. While I think giving forewarning would make unscheduled streams a no-brainer, and something anyone could look forward to, I completely understand the difficulty of having to work with fluctuating motivation and sleep schedules. I will admit it's pretty lame to see that Picarto's recording features are so unreliable. I've also experienced some weirdness with them when checking for past streams from others.