🌱 Personal Growth (Patreon)

a personal piece I wanted to do this morning as a warm up before I get started with my day. I feel it was important for me to use Dré in this piece, instead of Blake.

I deleted all of my social media on Wednesday last week, and since then I’ve noticed such a huge weight be lifted off of my shoulders. I feel like I have room to breathe and be myself.

like most of us, I’m pretty addicted to the Internet. I’m always glued to phone scrolling through social media, or working. The latter specially is something I struggle with. I guess you could say I’m a work-a-holic.

when I wanted to try to make art work as a substantial career after I left highschool in 2014, not many people had faith in me, and thus I worked extremely hard to get to where I am. I am SO thankful to be where I am, and I wouldn’t change it for anything. But, it’s left me with feeling like I ALWAYS need to be working, otherwise I’m useless or lazy. It’s a very negative spiral I’ve gotten myself into. I feel like without Blake Rosey, I’m nothing. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be me. 

I want to get back in touch with myself.

this year has seen a lot of changes for me, specially once lockdown started about 3 or 4 months ago. Who I was in January 2020, is a vastly different person to who I am now in July 2020. I’ve opened my eyes to a lot of things, and I’ve changed. Going Vegan was, I think, the biggest contributing factor to this. It helped me open my eyes to the horrors of the meat and dairy industries, and the knock on effects they have on not just the animals, but the environment, minority groups, and our health. I’ve been more open minded and willing to learn. the BLM movement has also helped me with educating myself, and thinking before I speak. 

I launched this Patreon, I’ve had to close certain chapters of my life and start new ones, all in such a small timeframe, and it’s been liberating. But, trying to be proud of my personal growth is near impossible when I feel the eyes of hundreds of thousands of people watching me.

like I said, I am VERY grateful for my job and position. I love what I do so so much, and I am forever thankful to you guys, and everyone else who has supported me and helped me get here, but it is not without its hardships. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this is a very mentally taxing job, especially for myself and other people who already suffer with debilitating mental illness. It’s very difficult to figure out the balance, and even now, 6 years in, I’m still figuring things out. 

It’s important for me to learn that I am a person, and that I’m not just Blake Rosey. I’m a person behind the screen, and Blake Rosey isn’t my entire identity. I have my own thoughts, feelings and identity that is separate from my brand and my online persona. I need to allow myself time to breathe, to put the phone down, sit outside and soak in the real tangible world around me. I don’t need to work all of the time, I don’t need to constantly work to please everyone and to make others happy. Work is important, my job is important, but so am I. I’m allowed to take breaks from work, and that includes social media, not just drawing. 

I’m feeling like a person again.