Crit Fail! (Patreon)

Because one of my favorite spells that I gave to Circe as a D&D character was "Summon Warhorse," a spell that never once got used as intended. Instead of ever riding the horse or letting another party member ride the horse, instead the horse would always be used as an improvised weapon by one of our other players, playing as an Earth Elemental, so basically a rock giant so big Circe can stand on his shoulder like Daxter. Any time I would have Circe summon the horse, Og would pick it up and swing it around. Probably the hardest I ever laughed in my life was the first time this happened while fighting a horde of goblins, and our DM described in vivid detail how the goblins would end up either up the horse's ass or shoved down its throat after either orifice gets swung down on top of them. Wizards can only use that spell in fourth edition and recently we've switched over to fifth. It's the same campaign just ported over, and in fifth edition only Paladins are supposed to use that spell which is now called "Find Steed," but thankfully our DM let as many of Circe's fourth-edition spells carry over as possible, even though it means she has ridiculously more spells than she's technically supposed to have, because the campaign's just not the same if there's no threat of horse brutality.

...Which means if Circe's the horse now then she better watch out.