There's something I really need to talk about today. (Patreon)

There are a lot of people hurting right now.

What's worse than hurting is feeling like we need to keep the feelings and emotions bottled up inside. I have a terrible habit of doing this; I don't know how to cope or share or ask for help. It's one of my weaknesses.

Today I let go of the fear that stopped me from sharing. I've never had a stream where we talked so deep about the things I was going through. I worry a little bit that I'm losing myself to the pressure of social media and to the weight of content creation - and worst of all to the expectations I've created for myself based on a combination of both of those things.

I've been keeping this so buried that it came up unbidden today on stream and I had no idea how much that feeling - the feeling like I was losing my authenticity - really started to break me down. Not just for days, not just for weeks. For months.

That's not me. I felt like I was breaking one of my core values - and for what? To produce more content? To portray that I was okay when I wasn't? Why?

The why doesn't really matter, just that I eventually realized that I was hurting myself in fighting how I was feeling. I've been pushing myself to limits and losing sleep and personal rest in order to fulfill my own unrealistic expectations.

Today is the day I decide to break free from those expectations. I guess, more than anything else, I wanted to share this moment with you - this day, this stream. Maybe it might give you some perspective of what's going on behind the scenes or maybe you're struggling with the very same thing. I'm here to give us all permission to care for ourselves.

But caring for ourselves doesn't mean giving up. It just means resting so that we can come back stronger. I want to come back stronger and I'm excited to start September with renewed strength.

Thank you never feels like enough but I hope you all know just how thankful I am for your friendship and support. For keeping me strong when times get hard, for encouraging me to be the very best, honest version of myself and chasing my dreams. I couldn't ever do any of this without you.

It was very hard to write this, even after being so vulnerable on stream, but you all make me brave.