Choose Your Own Brainwashing, Day 8 (Patreon)

“Of course, as far gone as you are now, I’m sure that any spiral would do, so you can just keep on watching that one. Isn’t it delightful how it shimmers as it turns? I wonder if you can follow every turn it makes without losing track, just patiently letting your eyes trace from the outside edge to the center?

“And you can keep doing that while I talk to you, and maybe you’ll hear the words I’m saying and maybe you won’t. Maybe the sound of my voice will fade into the background while you watch the spiral. Maybe my voice will boom inside your empty head while it’s filled with nothing but the spiral. Whichever way it is for you, and it could be a completely different way; whatever way it is for you just keep watching the spiral turn.

We were talking before about service and you know I’ve had more than a few people serve me over the years, and something they all had in common was some particular skill that they had that I might not have, so they were doing something specific for me that I needed and couldn’t do myself. It’s possible that if you don’t have some sort of skill that there would still be a way that you could serve me, but I hope that some part of you right now is considering which of your skills might be helpful.

Just keep watching that spiral turn, and as it turns, I wonder if some part of your mind can be cataloging all the things you know how to do, all the things that you’re confident in doing, and set them aside for a while. You’ll know where to find them again when you need them, but right now you don’t need them, you just need to watch the spiral.”

You can’t take your eyes off the spiral suspended outside of your train window, and at the same time you have the oddest sensation of something happening behind your thoughts. For the briefest second your vision blurs as something seems to pass between your eyes and the spiral, and when it’s gone you feel… lighter… somehow. Better able to focus on just watching the spiral turn.

“Very good,” Lee says. “Thank you. And now that you’ve done that for me, you can keep enjoying that spiral as it turns, and the part of you that I’m talking to, the part of you that’s listening so intently and doing such a good job of obeying me, can start looking for all the things that you’re not that confident about doing. Maybe you think you need more practice, or maybe you think I wouldn’t need that kind of work done; just find all the skills that you have that might fall into that category and let them be in the spotlight for a little while.

“And I know that might take a little time, so while your mind is working on that, let’s see what happens if I change that spiral a little bit.”

Something about the way your mind feels reminds you of searching for answers at trivia nights, or trying to spell difficult words, or organizing puzzle pieces, but you don’t get a chance to examine the feeling, because as Lee says the word “change” the spiral outside of your window starts to spin sharply in the opposite direction. The abrupt shift is physically disorienting and you find yourself struggling to feel balanced in your seat.

“Isn’t it wonderful to know that you can lose your balance without moving at all?” Lee purrs. “And you may find that you’re starting to feel as if you’re falling, right there in your seat, just because I said so.”

Do you feel like you’re falling?

1. Yes!
2. No!
3. It’s more of a spinning, actually.
4. What? I’m watching a spiral.