A bit embarrassing but... (Patreon)

OK so I really didn't want to make this post because it felt embarrassing and I have a lot of pride but I've pretty much backed myself into a corner.

So I'm going on vacation for the first time in 4 years. The last time I went on vacation I just drove 4 hours to Vegas and stayed in a hotel for a week. At the time I needed it because it was a long needed break from my crazy stressful hours juggling multiple jobs. And that time has come again.

Last year in 2019 I traveled A LOT but I damn nearly had a mental breakdown because I only traveled to work. I took over 20+ flights/buses and not a single one of them was for personal pleasure, it was all for some kind of work. It's also largely why I moved to LA because I couldn't handle the traveling back and forth.

So in 2020 I promised myself I would both not only travel less but also try to only travel for myself, if I do. 

Later this week I'm going to Iceland. It was a sort of early birthday gift to myself (my birthday was February 19th woot woot) that I booked in January. I don't know if anyone has noticed but my mental health has been deteriorating for the past few years which has led to multiple suicide attempts. And this isn't a pity party, I'm happy and healthy now and never got that way in 2019. But the decline of my sanity has been a mix of both personal things in my life and also YouTube.

It's been a mix of the crazy odd hours, almost never sleeping, pumping out content and not making a decent enough living to pay the bills, etc... I'm not depressed but I am burnt out. And fucking tired. I can't remember a time when I had a week of decent sleep. I've been at this for four years, accumulated 300,000 wonderful viewers like you but god do I need a break.

So I'm going to Iceland. It's one of my dream vacation spots along with Ireland and the Maldives, those of which I plan to travel sometime in the future. But I needed to do this one. Get away from the Internet for a week, travel and be one with nature but absolutely jaw droppingly beautiful nature that reminds me what it means to be alive.

But I fucked up.

So as you guys know, I got an office this month. First of all, thank you all for making that possible. Holy fucking shit getting my own office, no matter how small, was a dream of mine. I've been filming out of my bedroom, living room, and apartment for all these years. It feels nice to be breaking out from that.

But getting the office was a last minute decision. I literally saw this place on Craigslist the first day I started looking and I got it within 2 days. I made the decision quick because this place was being taken up fast and the monthly rent is really good and most of all they were willing to let us do WHATEVER we wanted with the room, even paint and build a set. It was a good thing I jumped on it too because the day I came to visit, there were still a few spots available but then 2 days later when I came to sign the lease, everything was snatched up. 

But getting the office meant having to pay the deposit, first month and last month's rent. I had to basically put down most of my spending money for the month. I was hoping our Patreon would boost enough to make up for what I needed for this month but we're into our last week of February and I'm not near the mark.

So basically, I haven't been able to book our hotels or our rental car for Iceland. All we have are our plane tickets and...that's it. And we leave in 5 days :D I'm taking me and my girlfriend and the thing is, we're both crazy so we're gonna say fuck it and still go. But all I have in my bank account is what I need for rent and that's it, and I don't wanna risk rent anymore, heck even one of our Patrons Dylan helped us out this month to get internet installed for us so that I wouldn't risk it.

But this isn't Internet. This isn't rent. These aren't broken glasses, or a broken lens, or a fucked up camera. This is just a vacation. I've always been a lone wolf type, only reaching out whenever it was absolutely necessary and dire but this isn't absolutely necessary, it's just a vacation. We're in Iceland Feb 29-March 8, my next month paycheck rolls in around the 4th so I really only need enough to keep us going to the first half of the week. After that we should be OK. 

It was my birthday a few days ago and one of our Patrons messaged me asking me for my PayPal because they wanted to donate something for my birthday beyond just my patronage. I turned it down and didn't tell them because I was too proud, too proud to admit that it would actually help a lot because needing funds for a vacation felt...selfish.

But I figured I'd go out on a limb and reach out. If anyone wants to help out, I'd really appreciate it. Hell, if we could even get enough for a rental car, we can just sleep in the car for a few days (because the hotel is pretty pricey), but any amount would really go along. Anyway, if you want to donate to the vacation fund you can PayPal media@formoftherapy.com or use paypal.me/formoftherapy 

But I have to preface this is NOT necessary. This is NOT a requirement. This is not me begging because this is not a dire situation. This is just me reaching out.

Anyway, check out our schedule and no worries, uploads will be going out CONSISTENTLY even while I'm gone!