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Cursed relic p1 to 16 basic storyboard (Patreon)

Published:
2017-05-18 14:22:36
Edited:
2017-05-18 16:19:55
Imported:
2021-06

Content

Well here is the ( super sketchy ) story board on the first 16 pages ^^ Characters are pretty much only placeholders clones at this point, and both drawing and text are super basic. It's mostly a tool to see how pages are going to be built for the next phase, and how much place a given scene will likely takes.
It's mostly the introduction for now but it an give a good idea of what to come X3
Please don't hesitate if you have any remark ! This is typically the step of the process where everything is in free movement and fluctuation and can be modified super easily :3


Reminder of the pitch :  https://www.patreon.com/posts/cursed-relic-8459316

Files

Comments

Doc

Oh man this is going to be greeeeeeeeeeeeeat.

Anonymous

Like it <3 Introducion Elorie as unaware pred? :P Or is she a placeholder as well? I wonder what happend to the guy that she swallowed x3

hiddenwriterrr

I know this isn't really your thing but it'd be a shame if you drew such a cute girl but never showed anything with feet detail :( like not asking for crush but just, ya know, a looming pic or full body of sorts at some point

Homer4hire247

So far so good. I think the story is flowing well so far. The only real remarks I have is in the last panel on page 15, the character sorta looks like he being sucked into her mouth, but I'm also assuming that just how it looks now and will change. Also the other thing is how her breast catapult him sorta seems off with the position Elorie lands in. But I'm also going back in forth on that in my head so I think its a small issue also. But other whys looking forward to rest of the comic! X3

Anonymous

Nice, looking good! Can't wait to see more!

Yuzaris

OMG soo cute, and that accidental gulp.... Great work Karbo, keep it on Sensei!

Anonymous

You DID ask for comments:

Anonymous
>>5235482

Seems the idea of mistreating the cat maid in the background got lost. That is actually a good way to do it, but I think that there should be some flashbacks later (after the current set of pages) where the story develops simultaneously in the present and past, the cat maid fighting impulses from her earlier mistreatment.

Anonymous
>>5235296

The easiest climb up her body might just happen to be up her garters...

Signe (dcvfgb1234)
>>5235067

Looks like a girl to me. And what would have happened aside from her getting swallowed?

Signe (dcvfgb1234)

This looks really great. And I love that it ended up with her accidentally voring the first one. Given that it was accidental then perhaps have her try and regurgitate when she realises what happened, but be unable to do it.

Nick2802

the new Niko is making her debut

JohnboyX

Really liking the story board so far ;-) . It has a very good flow and the temple parts also don't feel unnecessarily stretched and are quite interesting to follow with giving us a good introduction of all the members of the group and their different personalities. Only part I would maybe cut since I don't see how you're going to fit all your interesting vore ideas with the neko girl (which I'm mostly looking forward to) from the discussion thread into 9 more pages is the part where the wormlike creature eats one of their group so that all of them make it out safely. If however there is room for more than 25 pages personal preference from my side would be seeing all the remaining 4 tiny adventurers accidentally landing in Elorie's belly (even the one who might have a crush on her because of some stupid/funny occurrence :D ) .

McKay

Accidental vore with a friend? I love it!

Vixsune (ThatSlyFox)

Introduction to both the characters and what their after along with their transition out of the temple flowed nicely. with the creature eating one of the adventurers beforehand when the other is accidental nommed by Elorie the remaining 3 will panic and be a bit rash or atleast one of them will be. when they approach the neko i dont feel they exert enough caution, THIS IS FELARYA you cant trust even your friends sometimes, none make a remark about her such as "wait, should we get her attention? she is a neko....." and perhaps if she has a sympathizer, perhaps a man with a crush like some have stated, he could be like "But Elorie is harmless, she panics at the sight of anything small near her". Their approach assumes they know she is harmless. In the pictures i noticed some have her with canines and other dont so i assume it was just to save time on detail :D but a neko with fangs = much adorable lol. I also like the mage's progression. Im not sure if that mask on your neko mage from your first comic was purely for neko mages or if he was apart of some organization but maybe you could add one of those masks here. he has a clairvoyance spell that lights the way back, that was nicely done and could be used for comic re leaf later. perhaps if he is swallowed he could cast it again saying "at least we have light right?" as the ball gravitates towards the "way out". as for a sympathizer, if she has one i feel he should live, perhaps he is maimed by the ass of the group or run through and the neko has to intervene to help her little friend. I would really like it if one of them live. by accidental standards after the next 'accident' that happens she would be more alert and cautious. which would leave, hopefully, the ass of the group and the sensitive guy. who in turn would get into a fight and Elorie interviens and WILLINGLY noms the ass.....leaving her and him to go back to the village and acquire new crew for another adventure :DDDDDD. ~~~~~~ Am sorry i just rambled there. The storyboard looks decently planned out as it is, not too long and not too much dead space in between events. perhaps a bit more talking between the characters to further understand their personalities and "usefulness" to the party like what you did with the Rogue and the Mage. I understand this was a quick iteration for the comic but i feel you're doing great so far and i hope we are helping. ~~~Vixy

Taiki Sensei

Mais ce VORE ACCIDENTEL DES FAMILLES, QUOI ! XD

Triskelion

Oh this looks really promising so far! I'm looking froward to seeing the reactions of both Elorie and her accidental prey!

Anonymous

I really like it so far! What I think would be awesome, is that Elorie either starts to like the feeling of eating people midway through or has a fight with the asshole guy so that either way she will eat the last 3 or so preys on purpose. Shes a Neko after all, so her instincts should be similar to Caitlins >:3

nostromo

Great use of the dynamics of boob-bouncing ! Note that the hair of the guy falling in is going the wrong way in your early sketch ;-)

Mortaven

@w@ Oh wow, Elorie's adorable!

Anonymous

I love it Karbo, unaware and accidental vore are not usually themes you like to approach and I'm glad you've used it here.

dzutte

Suggestion for the ending: our neko and shrunken survivor(s) stumble upon a real predator: (a giant naga?) would be great to see an giant from an extra tiny perspective!

turboman500
>>5242332

How about we NOT kill off the survivors in this, maybe have a non crimson wedding ending in a Felaryan scenario for once?

Karbo
>>5242038

yeah it's a theme I barely ever used in my work and let alone in a comic. I'm a also curious how it will go :P

Karbo
>>5241466

haha true, it looks so strange now that I look at it XD

Karbo
>>5238364

J'ai jamais essayé ça avant mais je suis curieux de voir ce que ça va donner XD

Karbo
>>5237633

Thank you for the detailed feedback ! :D for what will happens next, yes Elorie is going to eat the ass willingly, or at least in a fit of anger, after having suffered his constant insults. I have not yes decided 100% on the ending,I think I will see with the flow :3 and yup the mage will get to do his/her ball of light in Elorie's stomach at a point XD

Anonymous

Élorie is so cute! I love it so far. Bien fait Karbo :)

Karbo
>>5236254

The idea behind the adventurer getting eaten by the worm is to heighten the stakes ^^ there is now a very clear danger at being small for them and a sense of urgency at finding Elorie, and in addition to create a resentment from some of the most aggressive members of the group ( you had it easy, you were just waiting at the entrance !" ) which is going to create a more conflicted situation later. But it's possible I add one more member to the group :3 ( it's really a question of seeing how the story will unfold ^^ )

Amerdism

In the panel where the adventure I see flying into Elouise mouth on page 15 the bottom most panel, Elouise has her tongue out, if she fell back in surprise with her mouth open in pain or whatever, I doubt her tongue would be out, just an observation.

turboman500

After looking through the wip so far... I gotta say, I love it man. She's absolutely precious lol. I can definitely see her being called a goofy/stupid cat by the others. You have a gem of a character here :D

Anonymous

Really like the storyboards so far. Only things I would mention would be the breast catapult on page 15, the orientation of the adventurer seems off in the last panel- not sure how she's falling feet first towards Elorie's mouth after being launched parallel to her body with Elorie's head back. Also, on page 11, the center shot of Elorie doesn't quite feel right to me- I think it needs to convey more of a sense of her enourmous scale, especially with the close-up of the insect right before. Maybe make the center panel a bit more low angled, add a bit of the ruins in the foreground so we can compare her size to the adventurers standing tiny amongst the rubble in the next shot?

Chinnsyn

Dude is like: "Oh no, I did not come to the planet of giant babes to get eaten by a worm!"

PrinnyDood

Looks really nice so far! I thought it was pretty funny that most of the traps become harmless once they got shrunk, but 'harmless' pests became deadly. Really nice touch I think. And Elorie is even more adorable than expected here . . . I love the way you showed the words just passing through her head while she was distracted, and freaking out when 'something' fell down her top. xD

Karbo
>>5265868

Hehe thank you :D yes that was the idea behind the scene ^^ that and serving as a foreshadowing of course XD

Karbo
>>5261101

I have to admit I'm having a lot of fun drawing her XD

David Dent

So this is how each comic looks before you put a 'Karbo Coat' of sheen on everything. Fascinating! I think the skull on the 'death pit' should be a little bigger but I love that idea! The breast smishing scene is amusing but I would try and work in some kind of POV of the smishing before the unaware vore moment XD Other than that it looks pretty interesting so far and thanks for showing us before hand! Tis a privilege.

Karbo
>>5267398

hehe yes for this comic I will really try to show every steps of the way :) Thanks for the remarks !

Thatoneotherguy

Great comic, Elorie is adorable. In regards to the jerk being eaten you could have it so that he yells something at her, and then she decides to move in closer to respond and, while inhaling deeply, accidentally sucks him in. This would allow her to maintain greater innocents in this part of the story since if she has never eaten someone before then it is unlikely that she would think to do so in a moment of irritation. He could climb up on a plant or something so that he would be more easily heard, and eventually, eaten. You could also have her carry the last survivor/s back to the village in her breasts if you want to give the opportunity to squeeze in some more fan service. Maybe use the explanation that they might be crushed in her pockets or bag. Just a few thoughts. Great work as always.

Karbo
>>5235317

thanks for the remark ! glad you like it so far :)