Rising Up - Training Diary (Patreon)

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#diary - go to post
 I'm actually kind of proud of myself today. My afternoon started at WKO
 with Pi Mutt and I was in a terrible mood. I'd just had a huge fight
with Kevin and I'm not a "go smash it out on the bag as a release" kind
of person. Would be great if I were! I think Mutt could tell I was not
well and assumed I'm still sick, so he said we were sparring again as a
"rematch" from two days ago. Instead of being aggro from my shit mood, I
 just didn't give a fuck. As a result I was actually really relaxed! I
worked on using the "Nongki style" rhythm that Namkabuan was teaching me
 the other day, which makes my moves less trackable and less
predictable. It looks almost exactly like bouncing on a wide tire. He
taught me to fake a right kick and throw a long right cross instead,
which I did and absolutely slammed Pi Mutt's crown - I hurt my hand
through the glove! - because I've never done that before so he didn't
expect it. But he's a fighter at heart and it just made him more
focused. I was countering his flurried strikes with precision short
hooks and jabs to the jaw; it was incredible. Like everything had slowed
 down for me. I even kicked his body while getting slammed in the face a
 few times. Ultimately he turned the pressure on high in the last minute
 and I found myself turtled and useless, which sucks, but I'd FELT the
alternative. So I know I can do it. I have experience of not doing what I
 tell myself not to do. And a million thanks to Pi Mutt for allowing me
to work like that, for putting that pressure on me and not having an ego
 about getting hit back.

Then I ran over to Petchrungruang, a
little late because Mutt and I had sparred for about half an hour. Ninja
 Turtle asked me if I wanted to clinch, which surprised me because he's
been avoiding me for about 2 days since I dominated him the other day.
He's a sweet guy, like 18 years old but small and emotionally pretty
immature. The younger boys kind of pick on him as a new kid. So I feel
badly that he gets teased by the men (the actual adult men, not the
other boys) when he "loses" to "the girl," but that's not my problem.
(Incidentally, that used to be Alex and he's an absolute monster now, so
 if Ninja sticks with me he'll be great.) I got ready to clinch with him
 right away because I was so happy he'd asked. Like he was over his
pity-party. So we clinch for about 5 minutes before he's so tired he
asks me how long we're going to clinch for. I force him to do another 15
 minutes but somehwere in there he asks me how much I weigh and then
looks totally shocked when I tell him 47.5 kg. No, not your fight
weight, your normal weight, he says. Yeah, right now kid, I weigh 47.5
kg right now. He just stared at me. I think he had been telling himself
that I'm bigger than he is and that's why I can crush him. I'm probably
the most muscley woman he's ever seen, so I can't blame him for not
accurately guessing my weight, but when I asked how much he weighs he
refused to tell me. Then he said we should stop clinching and just spar
instead.

I'd told Pi Nu in the morning, after he'd absolutely
clobbered me in our last round (which lasted 9 minutes!), that my guard
sucks. "Yeah," he said, "you need to spar more boxing." So this
afternoon I was determined to work on that guard, even though we were
doing Muay Thai and not only boxing. So I get in the ring and prepare
myself to work on the same things that were going so well against Pi
Mutt earlier. Nongki style bouncing and setting up the hard shots with
smaller shots. It worked... it all worked! Not because of technique but
because I was relaxed and just experimenting. If I got hit, that was
okay - it's Muay Thai, it's not a mistake to get tagged. Pi Nu started
chiding Ninja Turtle for going backwards all the time, which looks weak
when you're not ahead. Then he pointed out that Ninja was losing and
actually physically shoved him toward me before going back to holding
pads. Ninja responded to the news that he was getting his ass beat by
the girl again by turning his power up. He never dips much below 90%
power because he's an insecure jerk, but he goes up to 100% and just
throws these loping bombs of right hands. I hate it when he does that
because I get a little agitated and start throwing hard back, instead of
 staying calm and picking my shots. I can watch myself from outside,
like "don't fall into that same trap, Sylvie," and then watch myself not
 follow my own advice. By the last round, Ninja Turtle was actually
trying to knock me out. My guard was pretty good and he was just hitting
 my glove, but if I was even slightly off or unprepared it would be
lights out. His trainer, "Mark's Dad," made some noises to him about not
 being so crazy. Even one of the other dads lying on the couch called
out, "bao bao!" ("take it easy!") to him. I didn't stay calm and pick my
 shots like I should have or tell myself to, but I also didn't take that
 shit lying down. Pi Nu had been yelling for Turtle to come forward and
in turn he was calling for me to teep and keep my lead, but now he was
quiet because Ninja Turtle was going nuts. So instead of trying to throw
 bombs back, which turns my technique and therefore my power to shit, I
decided to answer his favorite bomb with my favorite bomb and I grabbed
him and dug some hard (90% power) knees into his belly. One of them
buckled him and I made a gesture toward kneeing him in the face on the
way down. You can do this in fights - you don't actually throw that knee
 but you make the gesture so that everyone knows it COULD have happened.
 I wasn't going to KO him on purpose. But as I moved my hips forward Pi
Nu grabbed me around the waist and ripped me backwards, totally like a
referee saving the damn day in a fight. (Thai refs are the best, man.)
He let me go but stood between me and Ninja Turtle, then asked Turtle's
trainer, "who won?" His trainer answered that Turtle had lost again and
it wasn't close, an answer that seemed to be designed to settle things
rather than really assess some kind of scoring system. Ninja Turtle
disappeared into the other room to take off his gear and probably chill
the fuck out. Pi Nu smiled at me and I smiled back, so he knew I was
okay. He told me in a hushed voice that I'd won again and I shook my
head, saying that Ninja Turtle is crazy. There was a pause. "It's good
for me," I added and we both laughed.

I don't care about
"winning" in sparring. At my gym they announce a winner and loser only
as a way to punish someone for getting out of control, otherwise it's
just a neutral assessment and the practice of hard sparring is to
acclimate fighters to high pressure. What I'm proud of in both sparring
situations from today is that I answered the pressure. With Pi Mutt I
answered in the way I want to actually be, getting calm and slowing
everything down to pick shots when the pressure is on. To get calm
rather than growing still. And I fell apart in the end, but that's okay
because it's a process. With Ninja Turtle I didn't respond the way I
want to ideally, but I returned the power with the kind of power I can
control rather than just going apeshit back at him. And I tried
different things in both settings under very different kinds of
pressure. So, as much as I use the term, "it's a process" or "I'm
working on it," today I defined that process and I refined the work. It
was a good day.