Hogwarts Teacher, Myst style (Patreon)

Myst blinked as his monitor seemed to explode with light and he found himself in a poorly lit stone chamber standing with two men in robes he could barely see because of the spots in his vision standing outside of a pentacle. "What the fuck?!"

"Are you sure you did this right Albus, you summoned a dragon and two people that look like muggles, American muggles judging by his accent," the man with greasy black hair complained as he studied the group they'd summoned.

"And you're a British prick in a dress," a familiar voice piped up from Myst's right.

"Looks can be deceiving," Albus replied as he glanced down at the dog sized green dragon.

"Why the hell am I green, scratch that, why the fuck do I have scales?" the dragon demanded in a familiar voice.

"It could be worse, you could look like him," the man said, gesturing at Snape.

"That would be worse," the girl agreed.

Snape stared at the talking dragon, fairly sure they'd made a mistake somewhere that was going to bite them in the ass.

Myst managed to blink enough of the spots out of his eyes so he could see clearly and turned to look at the other 'people' in the summoning circle. "Nicholas Brendon?" he blurted before he noticed the man's eyepatch.

"Nope, sorry, Xander," he glanced at the men in robes, "let's just go with Xander for right now."

Myst ran his thumbnail over his finger, making sure he could feel it. 'Yeah, I'm awake.' He turned back to look at the people that might know what was going on. "So what's the deal?"

"About that, we found ourselves without a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher and the Ministry was going to appoint someone that should never be allowed near children, so we resorted to desperate measures, I'm afraid," Albus explained with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Frack," Myst cursed, not sure how to feel about getting summoned and figuring out that magic was real.

Xander glanced over at Myst. "Does that mean what I think it means?"

"That you're the defense teacher?" Myst asked snarkily. "Yeah, pretty much."

"What makes you think I'm…" Xander trailed off as his HUD opened and he saw his entire collection of skills and abilities he'd collected in the Technomancer game that he'd been playing when he got summoned. "Okay, I might be qualified."

"Don't worry I'll help," Dawn said cheerfully.

"That means I'm free to go, right?" Myst asked, hoping he could skate out of having to teach a bunch of brats when he knew less magic than Lockhart.

Xander laughed. "Oh hell no, if I have to deal with this, so do you."

"You don't even know who I am," Myst argued.

"My fellow sufferer, you wouldn't leave me out to dry would you?" Xander asked with a grin.

"Fine," Myst grumbled. "Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal."

"So, you can send us back at the end of the year, right?" Dawn asked hopefully.

"Of course," Snape lied, not entirely sure how they were going to send them back as the spell should have only summoned one of them so their understanding of the ancient spell was obviously flawed.

"We will of course make every effort," Albus assured them, eyes twinkling even brighter.

Myst glanced down at the summoning circle. 'Great, Albus 'fucking' Dumbledore summoned me which means this world is already screwy. At least he's unwilling to hire Umbridge, that should count for something.'

"We get paid, right?" Xander asked.

"Of course, we aren't savages," Albus replied.

"I don't suppose you have a syllabus that we can use?" Myst asked, thinking about the various times he'd subbed for teachers.

"I'm sure I can find something, most of our teachers come up with their own syllabus but our last two teachers kept excellent notes so I'm sure we'll be able to find what you need," Albus assured them.

"What are the requirements for the various tests?" Myst asked.

Albus blinked. "Most of the teachers don't bother asking but I'm sure I have the list somewhere."

"This is a school, right?" Dawn asked.

"One would assume," Snape drawled.

"I'd rather not assume," Myst replied, looking at the man that certainly didn't have Alan Rickman's panache or sheer charisma. "That's generally how you run into serious issues and have demons screaming for your blood."

"More than a couple of times," Xander mused thoughtfully.

Snape glanced between the strangers. "Are you sure that these people are capable?"

"Technically speaking I've subbed in classrooms before and I worked as a teacher's assistant for a few years. I'm sure we'll manage," Myst assured him, fairly sure that trying to teach a bunch of witches and wizards magic was going to be problematic at best.

"Do you actually know any magic?" Snape asked snidely.

"You know as well as I do that the spell wouldn't have summoned them if they were completely mundane, I'm sure everything will be fine," Albus assured him cheerfully, causing Snape's scowl to deepen.

"So, where are we staying and how long do we have until classes start?" Myst asked, wondering if things were salvageable.

"As it is currently August, you have until September," Albus said with a smile.

"What day in August?" Xander asked, trying to resist the urge to grab the old man's beard and tie it around his head.

"It is the 5th of August," Snape cut in, feeling a sliver of sympathy for them before it was consumed under the feelings of rage that he was once again passed over for the job.

"In other words, plenty of time," Albus said cheerfully. "If you'll follow Severus, he'll show you to the Great Hall where you can get some food. That will give me time to finish tidying up your residence in Hogsmeade."

"Sounds good," Myst replied as he stepped out of the summoning circle, wondering how the hell they were going to avoid murdering all of the Slytherins.

Dawn blinked then stared at Albus. 'Hogsmeade?'

Snape glanced at Myst's leg that was outside of the summoning circle. "Should they be able to do that?"

"I'm reasonably sure I'm not a demon," Myst replied with a grin as he headed for the exit.

"Only reasonably?" Dawn asked as she looked at the stranger in jeans, a green hooded sweatshirt and black socks.

"Last I checked, summoning actual humans was harder than summoning demons, but yeah, as far as I know, I'm human." Myst blinked as a translucent heads up display appeared and he noticed that his race was listed as Fey touched. 'Weird, that's probably a byproduct of the spell.' He scrolled down the floating display and looked at his mana pool and health bars. 'At least I have a mana bar and oh, skills. Fucking hell! Upgrade!' He barely resisted the urge to scream in jubilation. 'Does that mean I'm on a chain? Probably not, I'm not that lucky, then again, I can make Skill books and Upgrade things, yeah, maybe that means, no, just assume no.'

Dawn looked at Xander. "Do you have any holy water?"

"Not on me," Xander replied as he followed Snape and Myst out of the old classroom and into the hallways.

'Now I just need,' Myst grinned as a map of the hallway appeared in a floating window marked with a 'You are here!' arrow, 'a minimap to find my way around Hogwarts. Okay, this might actually be manageable.' He quickly looked over the rest of his abilities as he followed the grumpy man that was most likely Severus Snape. 'Conjure Food/Desert, Exceptional Talent: Light Magic, Exceptional Talent: Swords, Hero's Vigor, Hero's Light and an inventory. Okay, if nothing else, I can stab the Death Eaters if they harass me.'

"Do you actually have any magic?" Snape asked once they were out of earshot of Albus.

"Would you believe me if I said no?" Myst focused on his Conjure Food skill and discreetly tapped the icon on his skill page. 'Conjured food fades away after a day unless eaten. Food restores a small amount of health and mana when eaten. Huh, I wonder if wizards even have to worry about mana.' He focused on an ice cream sandwich and activated his new skill, conjuring the snack.

Snape raised an eyebrow. "You know you shouldn't eat conjured food, right?"

"Can I have one?" Dawn asked.

Myst handed the dragon the sandwich and conjured another sandwich. "That only applies to wizards."

"Can you conjure twinkies?" Xander asked hopefully.

Myst shook his head. "I'm fairly sure they don't count as food."

Dawn snickered. "That's cold." She took a bite of the sandwich and closed her eyes as the ice cream was even better than the fancy ice cream her mother used to buy before they'd moved to Sunnydale.

"I'll have you know, they're part of the Hostess food group, a very important food group that I haven't had in a couple of weeks," Xander grumbled.

Myst conjured a twinkie and handed it to him. "Huh, apparently wrappers aren't included or maybe just plastic."

"Probably for the best," Xander replied then took a bite of the twinkie.

Myst took a bite of his sandwich, rather surprised and delighted by the taste of the high quality ice cream.

"Huh, that might be the best twinkie I've had in years," Xander said after swallowing his bite of the twinkie.

"Why aren't you supposed to eat conjured food?" Dawn asked the professor.

"Because it's not real, it won't provide any nutrients or sustenance," Snape said scornfully.

"It's junk food, that's actually a net positive," Dawn argued, glancing between the various moving portraits as they walked past, trying not to break into giggles about being in Hogwarts.

"So, where are we?" Myst asked, wanting to get the basics before they screwed something up and said something they shouldn't.

"Scotland, more specifically, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," Snape replied, hoping Albus wasn't making a horrible mistake.

"What age range are we going to be teaching and can we glue the students to the walls if they're disruptive?" Myst asked.

"Eleven to seventeen and unfortunately no, you're only allowed to take house points and assign detentions," Snape complained.

"House points?" Myst asked, curious how Snape would explain the idiotic system.

"There are four houses at Hogwarts, answering questions correctly or showing uncommon common sense will net the students points while breaking rules will cost them points which will of course cause the rest of the members of their house to blame them for the lost points."

"So, they get fantastic prizes or something if their house wins?" Myst asked, fairly sure the answer was a resounding no.

"No, just the house cup at the end of the year and a banner that is displayed the next year," Snape replied.

"In that case, I'll stick to giving the people that annoy me detentions. Who would I talk to about getting a list of appropriate detentions? I'd hate to send someone to the Pit of Eternal Stench for something that should only be a thirty minute detention after all," Myst said, doing his best to keep a straight face.

"Pit of Eternal Stench?" Snape asked warily. "What type of world did you come from?"

"Not this one," Myst replied then went back to working on eating his ice cream sandwich.

"We don't have a Pit of Eternal Stench and don't suggest it to Filch," Snape snapped.

"Filch?" Dawn asked, fairly sure she knew who he was talking about but wanting to make sure.

"The caretaker, he's a bitter old man that doesn't like children," Snape explained.

"If he hates children, why is he working for a school?" Xander asked, thinking of Snyder.

"He's a squib by which I mean he comes from a family of magic users but he can't use a wand, that rather limits his opportunities for gainful employment," Snape explained.

"Sounds unpleasant," Xander said, fairly sure he'd go insane if he had to deal with an entire school of magic users without being able to use magic. 'Dealing with the new slayers was bad enough, at least Willow was in charge of the magic users.'

"Where would I find a copy of the textbooks we're supposed to be teaching?" Myst asked.

"I suggest talking to Irma Pince, our librarian, she should have extra copies of the books in question. Of course, if you'd like to make notes, I suggest talking to Professor Dumbledore and arranging a trip to Diagon Alley to purchase your own copies," Snape suggested.

"Which subject do you teach?" Myst asked, wanting to make sure things lined up.

"Potions," Snape replied as they reached the Great Hall. "If you need to find something, ask a house elf." He turned and walked off, his cloak billowing in a way that made the group suspect magic.

Myst finished the last bite of his sandwich as he watched the Potions professor stalk off. "I don't suppose you have a plan?"

"You're the person with teaching experience," Xander replied with a grin.

"This would have been easier if he'd summoned Willow, we could just look lost and confused and she'd squeal enthusiastically and toss everything together," Dawn mused as they walked into the great hall.

"Fine, I'll take a look at the notes the various teachers left and see what I can come up with. By the way, I'm Myst, you're Xander and the adorable dragon is?"

"Dawn," Dawn offered. "How long do you think it will take to look over everything?"

"It shouldn't take more than a couple of days to look over the first part of the notes, depending on how well they're organized and come up with something we can use. Of course, there's the slight problem in that my food creation spell is the only spell I've ever cast. You?"

"I've got an entire collection of spells from a game floating around in my head, I'm not sure how many of them are viable but I've also taken basic classes on ritual magic and I'm familiar with demons and vampires."

Dawn shook her head. "We should probably check that, the vampires probably aren't demonic here."

"So you're saying that we can't turn everyone into vampire hunters?" Xander asked with a grin as he walked over the table that was set perpendicular to the rest of the tables.

"From what I recall, they didn't really have a vampire problem in the series," Myst pointed out as he followed Xander.

"You've read the series?" Dawn asked excitedly.

"I've read a Harry Potter series, it didn't involve summoning defense teachers." Myst sat down at the table and opened his stats page up. He looked at his mana regeneration. "3% per hour, I'm going to have to fix that."

"3% of what?" Dawn asked as she looked at Myst.

"Mana, I'm trying to figure out what I have to work with." Myst focused on Xander and blinked when he realized how much mana Xander had. "How the hell do you have enough mana to level a small country?"

Xander pulled one of the chairs back so that Dawn would be able to jump up on it then sat down in a chair next to hers. "I was playing a video game when I got summoned, I might have maxed the character out to an unreasonable extent."

"And that matters because?" Dawn asked.

"Because I have all of my characters skills, including his magic," Xander said with a grin. "I could outcast Willow right now."

Dawn tilted her head. "Seriously?"

"Eh? Maybe," Xander admitted. "I'd certainly have more staying power unless she decided to start draining people."

Myst turned to look at Dawn. "Mystic Permanence, nice."

"Hey, how are you looking at my skills?" Dawn complained.

"One of my abilities lets me look at attributes, abilities and skills or maybe my other ability lets me look at skills, I'm not sure," Myst admitted.

"Not sure?" Dawn asked.

"I'm fairly sure I didn't have any magic before getting summoned or at least not enough to matter," Myst replied. "I have a heads up display but I haven't read through all of my skills."

"How much mana does your food trick take?" Xander asked.

"They cost two points and let me regenerate 1% of my maximum mana every second for 10 seconds which means that it should only take two seconds to regenerate my mana and give me about 8% of my mana for the small price of eating something. Of course, the fact that it also heals 1% per second is useful."

"Can you teach me the spell?" Dawn asked hopefully.

Myst grinned when a plate of sandwiches appeared in front of the group. "Considering one of my skills lets me make skill books, most likely."

"Is that as broken as it sounds?" Xander asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Probably worse. If my HUD isn't lying, I should be able to copy Dawn's boosted learning ability and improve it to the point where we're learning hundreds of times faster instead of her current thirty times faster," Myst said with a grin. "That's assuming you don't have an objection to sharing."

Dawn jumped up on the chair and looked at Myst with a smile filled with sharp looking teeth. "What do you have to trade?"

"Beyond the food spell? A talent for light based magic and swords and the ability to pretend to be a knock off Green Lantern," Myst offered, conjuring a glowing sword made of light.

"Sounds fair." Dawn reached forward and grabbed one of the sandwiches with her teeth and pulled it back so she could grab it with a claw. "I'm going to have to figure out a spell to keep my hands clean as I sort of need them for walking."

"You could always try changing back to human," Myst suggested, grinning when Dawn concentrated and changed into a familiar looking naked girl in her late teens crouching on the chair.

Dawn blushed when she realized that she wasn't wearing clothes. "Figures."

"It could have been worse, you could have done that during the school year," Xander teased.

"I don't think they're paying us enough," Myst mused, doing his best not to look like he was staring at the gorgeous young lady with green hair. "Is the green hair new?"

'At least someone isn't blind.' Dawn reached up and grabbed a lock of her hair and looked at it. "Yeah, it probably goes with being a dragon." She focused and changed back to her dragon form. "I'm going to have to go clothes shopping."

Myst glanced up at the Gryffindor colored house banners on the wall. "We have most of a month to get everything set up, we should have enough time to fit in some shopping after we check the library to see what type of resources we're working with."

"What are you hoping to find?" Xander asked.

"Ideally, books on crafting wands or wandless magic or ways to charm clothes with defensive properties or rituals that actually work without horrible side effects," Myst replied.

Dawn finished her sandwich. "Let me guess, tracking charms?"

"Of course not," Myst replied with a grin, on the off chance someone was listening. "Mostly I just want to see if I can use a shield with my left hand and combat magic with my right."

"Or we could look into alternate foci, no one is going to look twice if you're wearing a ring," Xander mused, thinking about some of the items his character had created with supplies he could probably find in Diagon Alley.

"I wouldn't mind using a ring to cast magic, it's certainly less trouble to keep track of and less prone to breaking. Mostly I just don't want to have to remember a bunch of incantations if I can just use magic and willpower to get the job done." Myst glanced at Xander. "Speaking of getting started, do you care if I copy your insane mana pool talent so I can reduce the time it takes to make skill books?"

"As long as you share a copy with Dawn, go for it," Xander said, grabbing another sandwich from the tray.

"Thanks, it should make everything easier." Myst focused on his skill book ability, conjuring a book and fountain pen and started writing, his hand moving without his conscious control as he wrote down words in strange languages and arcane formulas that he was fairly sure he'd never seen before.

Dawn absently ate a couple of sandwiches while she watched the disconcerting book take shape, wondering how long they'd be stuck teaching before Willow showed up with Buffy to drag them home.

Xander absently watched Myst work on the disconcerting book as he ate his sandwich and tried to figure out where to start creating a decent set of gear now that he had the skills.

Myst pulled his hand back when his pen vanished and the newly created skill book snapped shut. "Let's see if this works." He examined the book and grinned when a popup appeared over the book. "Endless Framework: It allows your mana pool to grow without end with enough time and work."

"Sounds useful," Dawn offered.

Myst opened the book, causing it to turn into motes of multicolored light and vanish. He glanced at his mana pool and scowled when he realized his mana pool hadn't increased. "What the fuck?" he sputtered as he scrolled down to look at his abilities. "Endless Framework…" he trailed off reading the description. "Okay, it's there, it just didn't give me a massive initial boost."

"How much of a problem is that?" Xander asked, wondering how much that changed the man's plans.

"It's just going to make things slightly more annoying to start with," Myst grumbled as he brought up his HUD and looked at his conjure food spell. "Yeah, I'm going to need to upgrade my mana pool before I can upgrade my Conjure Food ability which makes sense considering it's already sort of insane."

"How much energy are we talking about? I can turn a gem into a mana battery," Xander offered as he pulled up his Powerstone spell, wanting to check the details. "Damn, I was hoping enchanting wouldn't take an hour per level like the lore."

"You win some, you lose some," Myst said, feeling slightly better that he couldn't just copy Xander's stupidly large mana pool with a five minute ritual. He opened his Upgrade menu and looked at the price to boost his mana pool. "I don't think a couple of points one way or another is going to matter but I wouldn't mind playing around with a mana battery." He conjured two ice cream sandwiches then dropped ninety mana into raising his mana pool nine points.

"Huh, I felt that, what did you do?" Xander asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I upgraded my mana pool, if I'm going to be using magic, I don't want to run out. Besides, I need like ten times what I've got to upgrade my Food ability to a reasonable degree which means I need to cheat."

"How much mana do you have?" Dawn asked.

"My HUD says 109, it used to be 100." Myst took a bite of his ice cream bar, fairly sure he was going to get full before he managed to get his mana up to a reasonable level considering each bar only regenerated 10% of his maximum mana. "With any luck, I'll get my mana up to a reasonable level in a couple of hours."

"You realize there are plenty of wizards that would gleefully murder people for your current mana pool, right?" Xander asked.

"There are wizards that would murder people for a Klondike Bar, what's your point?" Myst replied in between bites.

"I wouldn't put it past some of the people I've known," Xander admitted as Snape walked into the room. "Sandwich?"

Snape shook his head. "I already ate. If you'll follow me, I'll show you to your office. You can look over the previous syllabi there."

"Sounds good," Dawn replied as she hopped down and walked across the room.

Myst followed Dawn, working on eating his second ice cream bar. 'At least this will give us a better idea of what we're going to need to teach everyone.'

Xander grabbed the last two sandwiches then followed the rest of the group.