Demons and Botched Rituals Part 20 (Patreon)

'Sadistic? Or just practical?' River mused as she walked over to where Harry was stabbing a zombie that two of his ice golems were holding in place. "Please tell me that you're not getting sword experience for that."

"Eye," Harry said as he stabbed the zombie in the eye. "It helps if you call out where you're hitting them."

River relaxed when she realized that Harry wasn't sadistic or nuts, he was just taking advantage of a glitch in the system. "Cheater," she teased as she picked up the practice sword that Harry had conjured for her before she'd wandered off to work on her alchemy and mining and stabbed the struggling zombie in the chest, getting a small sliver of experience. "I'm not sure that's worth it."

"You need to hit them somewhere vital and you need to call out your attacks. Neck," Harry said as he brought his sword up and decapitated the zombie, getting a decent amount of experience towards his sword skill and a sliver towards his blade skill.

"Eye," River said as she stabbed her zombie in the eye, giving her a decent amount of experience towards her next sword level. "That's better."

"Told you," Harry replied with a grin as his golems grabbed the next zombie he'd levitated and dropped in a makeshift pin of broken branches. "Did you have any luck with alchemy?"

"Merlin is a stingy bastard, he wouldn't let me use his alchemy lab," River complained as she stabbed her zombie in the knee, getting a halfway decent amount of experience and making her question Harry's insistence that you had to call out your attacks, so much as you had to actually hit somewhere vital.

"Can you really blame him?" Harry asked. "Left hand," he said as he hacked the zombie's hand off.

"Not really," River admitted as she hit the zombie's other knee. "Artura was nice enough to sell me a basic kit."

"Right hand," Harry called out as he hacked the zombie's right hand off. "Did you make anything useful?"

"A potion that gives you gas and ten points of fire resistance for ten minutes, a potion that makes the drinker more durable for five minutes before they start bleeding out their eyes and ears and a potion that causes people to bounce without increasing their durability," River explained as she worked on taking her zombie apart.

"How bad is the gas?" Harry asked as he pulled up his skill page so he could look at his firebolt spell, suddenly happy that the spell didn't scale with magic.

"No clue, I haven't actually used it. It just says the gas lasts for thirty minutes, why?" River asked as she finished off her zombie, not sure she liked Harry's grin.

"We need a decent way to train our Aura of the King skill since blasting the golems doesn't seem to level it," Harry complained.

"Probably because we're on the same team or maybe because you're not actually in danger," River mused, not actually sure what it would take to increase their Aura of the King skills.

"Neck," Harry said as he cut the zombie's head off, causing it to collapse.

River frowned as she glanced at the collection of zombie corpses one of the golems was dragging into a pile. "What are you doing with the corpses?"

"Leveling my skinning and suspect cooking skills, don't worry I'm not eating them," Harry assured her.

River grimaced as she thought about eating reanimated rotting flesh. "That's nasty, they're rotting."

Harry frowned as one of his golems fell apart, from the lack of cold. "I wish we had a decent amount of cold resistance, this would be easier if I could use my cold aura."

"I'm not sure freezing everything solid would make it easier," River replied as she pulled two of the fire resistance potions out of her inventory. She tossed one of the potions to Harry and drank the other, doing her best not to throw the foul tasting potion up or let Harry know just how nasty the potion was as that sort of discomfort should be shared.

Harry downed the potion, finding it no worse than some of the potions Madam Pomfrey had given him over the years, if a bit on the disgusting side. He checked to make sure his Aura of the Kings was active then cast a firebolt at River. "Anything?"

River twitched as the firebolt hit her robes and washed over her without doing any damage. "A little warning," she complained as she mentally pulled up her combat log. "That's better than I was expecting, the firebolt resistance reduced the damage by a point and the auras reduced it by a point each, meaning they stack."

Harry cast his Cloak of Stars spell and smiled at River. "Ready?"

"One at a time," River told him, wanting to make sure a decent hit couldn't get past her defenses before she let Harry go crazy with the firebolts.

Harry tossed a firebolt from his cloak at her, doing his best to ignore the voice in his head that sounded like Professor McGonagall ranting about safety. "Anything?"

"No pain…" River trailed off as Harry tossed another firebolt at her. "No pain or damage, toss another five."

Harry quickly tossed another fire at her. "Anything?"

"Ouch," River complained when one of the firebolts managed to deal enough damage that she felt it. "One point of damage over my resistance out of seven shots, I work with this." She cast her Cloak of Stars spell and started tossing firebolts at Harry. "Anything?"

Harry pulled up his firebolt resistance skill and smiled when he noticed the progress bar was filling up at a decent rate. "We're good," he replied as he started tossing firebolts at River, wanting to get as much out of the potions as they could while they lasted.

0o0o0

"Any luck?" Selena asked as she walked out of the bathroom after grabbing a shower.

Hermione glanced up from the alchemist's recipe book and looked at her summoner, finding herself strangely disappointed that she was wearing clothes. "I compared the price list to his recipe guide, it looks like he wrote most of them down."

"Probably for an apprentice," Selena replied as she walked over so she could look at the books that Hermione had scattered over the desk. "So, what's the problem?"

"Some of the recipes don't make sense, you're stirring things counterclockwise, then clockwise, then tapping the cauldron three times, the notes are very clear but they don't actually explain anything, it's like he was just copying down a script that he didn't understand," Hermione complained.

"Ah, right, he probably didn't. Most people just pick up the schematics from the dungeon or learn the recipes from the guild without learning the rules," Selena explained.

"Wouldn't it be better to actually study?" Hermione asked, trying to understand why people seemed content with what the system handed them.

"You have to remember, studying requires time and resources or at least notes on how alchemy works, the guild makes a decent amount of gold selling recipes and controlling the spread of alchemy," Selena pointed out.

"In other words, actually teaching things isn't in their best interest," Hermione grumbled as she carefully opened one of the books and looked at the reaction chart the author had made in an attempt to understand how to modify a recipe to use local ingredients.

Selena glanced at the incomplete chart in the book. "To be fair to the guild, grinding your alchemy level more than a couple of points usually takes years and a ton of expensive resources. Not to mention that most people are content to buy potions, even most of the mages that pick up alchemy don't see the point in learning more than the basics so they can make mana potions and pick up the occasional recipes from the dungeons."

"That seems like a waste of money considering the ingredients for mana potions aren't particularly expensive," Hermione complained, not sure why people weren't more interested in learning.

"You have to remember, if your class doesn't give you the alchemy skill, you have to get it from somewhere which means you're making a deal with a guild," Selena pointed out.

"Point," Hermione admitted as her mechanical timer made a grinding sound that sounded like it was trying to eat itself before letting out a halfhearted chime, letting her know that she'd gotten carried away and she needed to check on some of her alchemy projects. "That should be the first batch," she said as she hurried over to the stairs to check on the potions she had brewing.

Selena smiled as she followed Hermione down the stairs at a more sedate pace, curious what she was working on. She stopped and stared when she saw the six extra alchemy tables that Hermione had stuffed anywhere they'd fit so she could double her progress. "What are you making?"

"Burn salves, there were three different recipes in his book and all of the ingredients were easy to duplicate with gemino charms," Hermione replied as she started bottling the first batch, curious if they were worth selling.

"You can duplicate ingredients?" Selena asked as she walked into the lab and glanced at the identical looking notebooks sitting on the counters.

"In theory," Hermione admitted as she continued bottling the first batch. "That's part of what I'm testing, the system flagged the duplicates as substitutions which means they're not going to be as impressive as the real thing but that doesn't mean they're worthless."

"Especially with some of the more expensive ingredients," Selena mused. "Have you tried to get a better copy of your time warped alchemy skill?"

"Not yet, I was waiting to see if I could level it up a bit first," Hermione explained as she finished bottling the first batch of burn salve and checked the details on the potions. "The control batch is slightly better than the standard potion the old alchemist sold, at least according to his notes which means the duplicates should be about half as effective which means they'll be about on par with the stuff he sells because he generally dilutes it."

"In theory," Selena teased, knowing they were going to have to run a bunch of tests.

"That's why we're running tests," Hermione replied as she moved to the next station and started bottling the burn salve. "Do you want to take notes for me?"

"I can do that," Selena replied as she walked over and picked up the notebook, reading the note at the top of the page. "Aloe based salve, all duplicated components. Health restored, redness reduction, reduction of scarring, side effects, consistency, appearance?"

"I wanted to make sure I covered the basics," Hermione explained as she continued bottling the salve. "It looks the same and the consistency is a bit smoother which might be better."

Selena wrote the notes down. "How do the numbers add up?"

"Give me a second," Hermione said as she finished bottling the batch. She put them in the order she bottled them on the rack in case it mattered then dropped the first bottle into her inventory to check the details. "It only restores half the hit points of the original…" she trailed off when she noticed the entry for the scarring reduction. "This one is actually better at reducing scarring."

"Random mutation?" Selena asked.

"Or one of the components is screwing the formula up," Hermione mused as she quickly compared the notes as she waited for the next batch to finish simmering.

Selena smiled as she realized that Hermione looked adorable when she was working on a problem. "I guess that's one advantage of mixing in conjured components."

"It's worth testing," Hermione agreed as she set the potions in the rack and moved to the next table, hoping her experiments gave her a better understanding of how the local version of alchemy worked and wishing she could pick Professor Snape and Dumbledore's minds on the subject.

0o0o0

'How come you can never find a nerd when you actually want one?' Harmony wondered as she glanced around the empty library. She frowned slightly when she noticed a door that she'd never noticed before. 'Weird, maybe that's where the nerds hang out? It doesn't have a staff only sign, so it should be fine.'

She glanced over at the door to the backroom, where the librarian was working on something then casually walked over to the previously unnoticed door. 'Just act like you're supposed to be here, in a library? Good luck with that,' she thought as she opened the door and through the doorway, expecting a room with banned books, a group of nerds or a stash of porn, otherwise known as old fashioned art books.

Harmony stopped and stared when she noticed a pair of scantily clad mauve skinned teenagers sprawled on a large four poster bed in a stone room with a fireplace. "Hi?" she offered when the strange girls looked up from their books and saw her.

"Welcome to Shadow Home," Ruby offered as she studied the unfamiliar blonde, wondering if everyone that grew up in the town had magic potential. "I'm Ruby, this is my sister Jade."

"Nice to meet you," Jade offered with a smile.

"Is this a book club?" Harmony blurted the first thing that came to her that didn't have to do with sex.

"Book club?" Ruby asked, not familiar with the term.

"Where you trade books," Harmony explained, knowing about it because of one of her favorite shows.

"We trade books and share stories," Ruby agreed, sensing the fact that she was lonely and needed an actual friend.

"And help with homework," Fred offered as she walked in from cleaning up the forge area.

"Math?" Harmony asked hopefully, still a bit annoyed that the teacher hadn't explained the lesson well enough for her to understand.

"Sure, pull up a chair," Fred suggested as she walked over to one of the tables. "What do you need help with?"

"Everything?" Harmony admitted as she walked over to the table and pulled her math book out, deciding that passing her math test and staying on the cheerleading team was more important than asking the girls about their questionable outfits or tans.

0o0o0

Merlin scowled as he glanced between Artura and the demon that had managed to find the Holy Grail and his cards. "Artura, do you have any threes?"

"Go fish," Artura replied smugly as Merlin drew a card, rather amused by the horde of woodland creatures that were making off with a decent portion of Merlin's library while he was distracted.

"Does anyone else hear clanking?" River asked, causing Merlin to turn and look towards the tunnel that connected to the area the knight had claimed. She waited for Merlin to look at the entrance then swapped a card with Artura.

"I don't hear anything," Merlin grumbled.

"Nerves," Harry offered. "Merlin, do you have any threes?"

Merlin glared at Harry. "Are you cheating?"

"Hmm?" Harry asked as Merlin started to glance towards his workshop which would have let him see the black bear that was quietly hauling a chest filled with books over to where Jessica was waiting behind a large mound of gold to stick the books in her inventory.

Merlin glanced between the princess and Artura then focused on Harry. "I find it suspicious that I've been asking for threes for a couple of turns now and you're suddenly asking for them."

"That's part of the game," Harry replied with a shrug, at least he was reasonably sure that's how the rules worked for the game that he only half remembered. "You'll just have to trust me."

"No, you're a wizard," Merlin replied without hesitation. "We should have just played chess."

"I'd win," Artura told Merlin when he started to look back at his study, completely distracting him. "If you weren't cheating."

"Prove it," Merlin replied as he tossed Harry a three.

Lancelot smirked at Merlin. "I'm glad that you're willing to admit that you're a dishonest bastard."

Merlin glanced at the slightly charred knight. "Telling someone to prove it doesn't mean you're guilty. Unlike a certain knight that couldn't play an honest game if their lives depended on it."

"I'd never…" Lancelot trailed off as everyone at the table turned to look at him. "What?"

Artura raised her eyebrows. "Do I need to mention how many aces were in your sleeves?"

"Completely innocent, I assure you, I don't have pockets," Lancelot replied, impressing and slightly annoying everyone as the liar managed to keep a perfectly straight face.

"Right, do you have sixes?" Artura asked Lancelet.

"Go fish," Lancelot replied smugly.

Artura glared at Lancelot. "If you're lying, I'm going to set you on fire and use your armor for slag."

Lancelot turned to look at Guinevere. "You wouldn't let her roast me, would you?"

"If you're stupid enough to cheat a dragon, you're on your own," Guinevere told him, doing her best not to smile when River swapped one of his cards with a different card she was betting was a six.

Merlin glanced at Lancelot's cards as he tapped the table with his finger. "Just give him the six."

"I assure you, on my honor, I don't have a six," Lancelot assured them, not actually lying and feeling a bit put out that they wouldn't believe him.

"Bullshit, you have a six," Harry cut in, having noticed River's slight smirk. "Flip your cards. If I'm wrong, I lose, if I'm right, you're out of the game and you can kiss your chance to get the princess goodbye."

"And if I don't have a six, you'll give me the chalice?" Lancelot asked, figuring tricking him into giving it up would be easier than trying to fight him for it.

"Flip them," Harry ordered, planning on dropping the knight with a stunner if he was actually telling the truth.

Lancelot flipped his cards and stared in disbelief at the pair of sixes in his hand. "What the hell?!"

"You cheating bastard!" Artura shouted, glaring at the knight.

"I had a seven and a nine," Lancelot complained. "You cheating bastard!" he shouted at Merlin.

Merlin gestured when the knight drew his sword, causing his armor to fall to the ground and a forlorn croak to sound from inside the helmet. "I believe that disqualifies two people at the table."

"Two?" River asked.

"Toads can't play cards and Harry was wrong, the bastard had two sixes, not one," Merlin pointed out.

"You can't trust…" Guinevere trailed off as she moved her arm too much and an ace fell out of her sleeve. "Would you believe me if I said it was my lucky ace?"

"Of course," Harry lied, rather amused by the blatant cheating.

"My hero," Guinevere said cheerfully as she hugged Harry, mostly to distract Merlin as her friends finished looting a decent chunk of his library.

"Considering the blatant cheating, I think we can let Harry and his friends take the princess and leave," Artura suggested, looking forward to being done with the contract gig so she could get back to reading.

"Fine," Merlin grumbled and blinked as a naked and very much human Lancelot lunged for the middle of the table and grabbed the chalice, having seen his chance to grab the chalice while everyone was distracted.

"For glory and Camelot!" Lancelot shouted, causing the chalice to fill with wine. He gulped the wine down, causing his wounds to heal and the marks of age to vanish.

Merlin gestured at Lancelot, knocking the knight unconscious. "Bastard."

"Can you blame him?" Artura asked with a touch of amusement.

"Yes," Merlin grumbled as he levitated the unconscious knight and started walking back to the knight's area, wanting to make sure he didn't end up with that particular version of Lancelot when the contract sent him and Artura back home. 'Maybe he'll end up in the Throne of Heroes, he's obviously defective.'

"Is that a quest thing? I checked the chalice," Harry complained as he picked up the chalice, dropped it in his enchanting box and pressed the button, wanting to see if the eternal youth enchantment on the chalice had changed.

"You're not the only one that missed it, it's probably a quest thing," Artura offered as Merlin left the room. "Jokes aside, you have about five minutes to put Merlin's library back without damaging it before he gets back and loses his shit."

"Five minutes? That should be plenty of time to leave," Guinevere assured Harry.

"Not happening," Harry told her, "I'll steal from dark lords, I'll steal from monsters but I draw the line at stealing from Merlin, we have five minutes to duplicate, repair and replace everything before he gets back, let's get to it."

"I'll go distract him, don't try stealing from my hoard," Artura warned them and followed Merlin, figuring she could buy them a couple of minutes.