Harry Potter and the Twisted Game Part 1 (Patreon)

"Breakfast!" a female voice called out waking Harry from his dream about running through a maze filled with monsters and causing him to fumble for his glasses. He stopped fumbling for his glasses when he realized he could see perfectly well despite the fact that his room was cast in shadows and he wasn't wearing his glasses. He glanced around the comfortable looking bedroom, noting the polished stone walls, old fashioned wooden furniture, a framed poster of an old fashioned cabin in the woods on the wall and the strange almost steampunk looking metal and glass computer sitting on the desk.

Harry briefly considered the idea that he was still asleep then tossed it, mostly because his dreams had been plagued by nightmares since he'd fought Voldemort in the graveyard and he felt well rested and awake. He slipped out from under the expensive looking silk sheets and walked over to the dresser and opened it, trying to figure out what type of clothes he could find as he didn't think walking around in an unfamiliar location in a t-shirt and his boxers would be a good idea.

He spun and stared at the poster on the wall when the door in the cabin opened and a mostly naked teenage girl with wild red hair walked out wearing a wolf's hide cloak and carrying a basket, more surprised by the girl's lack of clothes than the fact that the poster was moving thanks to his time in the wizarding world. 'Huh, Hermione looks good with red hair.'

He watched the miniature version of Hermione wave then walk out of the side of the poster and vanish. He shook his head then grabbed a pair of cargo shorts from the drawer and pulled them on, not sure if he should be surprised that they fit perfectly or not. He quickly tossed his oversized t-shirt into the hamper then grabbed one of the silk t-shirts and pulled it on.

"Breakfast!" called the female voice from earlier, sounding like it was coming from somewhere below him and everywhere at the same time.

'At least she doesn't sound angry,' Harry mused as he walked over to the door and opened it, revealing a curved window that stretched from one side of the hallway to the other end and from four inches off the floor to the same on the ceiling. He stared at the disconcerting mix of an old fashioned fantasy city with something that reminded him of parts of London, if only because he could tell that some of the shops he could see on the other side of a walled garden looked like they had neon signs.

He turned to look when he heard a door open and spotted the girl from the poster stepping out of the second door with a cloud of mist and warm air following her. "Hermione?" he asked, not sure what to think about the red hair or the pointed ears he could see poking out of her hair.

Hermione jumped when she realized that Harry was standing in the hallway. "Harry?"

"Apparently, what's with the hair and ears?" Harry asked.

"No idea," Hermione admitted, glancing at Harry's pointed ears. "I was washing my hair in my house and then I was in an unfamiliar bathroom. Where are we?"

"No clue, I went to sleep and I woke up in a bedroom that wasn't mine…" Harry trailed off as he turned to gesture at the room and spotted his name carved on a wooden plaque over the door to the bedroom.

"Did you notice anything weird before you went to sleep?" Hermione asked.

"I was having a weird dream and I was trying to escape the maze, but that's nothing new," Harry admitted as he pulled his attention away from her bare legs, trying and failing not to think about how little the towel covered.

"No wishes, strangers or strange flashes of light in your dreams?" Hermione asked.

Harry shrugged. "There was a flash of green before I woke up but I doubt that's related to how we ended up here or why your hair is red."

Hermione spun when the third door in the hallway opened and a naked girl stepped out that looked the same as the person she'd seen in the mirror save her doppelganger had green hair. "Polyjuice?"

"Poly-what?" Dawn asked as she glanced between her siblings, wondering why Hermione was bothering with a towel and what she was talking about. "Nevermind, I need to use the bathroom," she said as she dashed past her twin into the bathroom.

Harry did his best to engrave the image of Hermione naked in his mind, even if it wasn't actually Hermione, the other girl looked like her. "Any idea…" he trailed off when he heard the sound of someone peeing. 'What the hell? She didn't even close the door.'

Hermione turned and stared at her doppelganger, surprised that she was sitting on the toilet doing her business without a care in the world. "Seriously?"

"Spank me, I had too much soda last night," Dawn replied, figuring her twin was annoyed that she'd rushed past her. "Do you think Mom will give us extra money for the card shop when we pick up Taylor?"

Hermione blushed as she turned and looked out the window. "No idea."

"What the hell?" Harry whispered, wondering what the hell was going on.

"No clue," Hermione admitted in a whisper, more than a little embarrassed by the girl wearing her face.

"Are you meeting Luna for lunch?" Dawn asked after flushing the toilet, curious if her brother was going to meet his crazy stalker.

"Depends on how much time we have," Hermione said after looking at Harry and getting a helpless shrug.

"Don't forget your handcuffs," Dawn said as she walked over to the sink and washed her hands.

Hermione turned to look at her doppelganger, wishing she knew what was going on. "We'll keep that in mind."

"Hopefully Mom fixed waffles," Dawn said as she dried her hands on a towel.

"Waffles sound nice," Harry admitted.

"What are you grabbing at the card shop?" Hermione asked, trying to figure out what was going on but unwilling to admit that she didn't have a clue.

"I need to pick up some more blank cards for my set if we're going to challenge the dungeon tomorrow," Dawn replied as she walked out of the bathroom.

"Your food is getting cold!" the voice from before echoed through the tower.

"I need to…" Hermione trailed off as she found herself sitting at a circular wooden table next to Harry and her doppelganger and across from a red haired woman eating a waffle that looked like a slightly older version of the picture of Harry's mother in his scrapbook if you gave her pointed ears.

Despite the fact that he really wanted to sneak a peek at Hermione's breasts, Harry resisted the urge to stare, mostly because someone that looked suspiciously like his mother was sitting across from him and someone that looked like his father was standing near the counter waiting for the waffle iron to finish cooking another waffle.

Lily laughed when Sirius walked in looking like he'd seen a ghost. "Dig in, it probably won't kill you."

James gestured and sent a plate filled with waffles over to an empty spot at the table. "Relax, I didn't prank the food."

Sirius blinked when he glanced at the rest of the people in the room and he noticed Hermione's state of dress and the fact that she had a duplicate then turned back to look at the woman that looked like Lily and the man standing by the kitchen counter that looked like his best friend might have looked if he hadn't died. "What's going on?"

Lily sighed as she thought about the reason her husband had to go into work early. "James has to head into the office early to break some legs over that mess with the missing princesses. I volunteered to pick up his cousin and he volunteered to run the waffle iron."

Harry turned to look at Sirius as he walked over and sat down, mostly because it gave him an excuse to look at Hermione's breasts without being too obvious about it, fairly sure she hadn't had C-cup breasts when he'd danced with her at the ball.

"Breaking legs?" Sirius asked when his mind caught up with what Lily had said, wondering what the hell was going on and how his friends were alive or if someone was pulling a very strange and tasteless joke. 'At least Harry seems clueless and distracted.'

"Make sure you kick them in the nuts a couple of times," Dawn suggested as she finished cutting her waffle up.

"I doubt I'll have a chance," James admitted as he pulled the waffle out of the waffle iron and dropped it on a plate. "Amelia wants them dead or rotting in a cell waiting for the block and she's called in the entire department." He glanced between his daughters. "Speaking of trouble, make sure you're wearing clothes when you go with your mother to the station."

Dawn stared at her father. "Why?"

"The Inquisition has been out in force looking for the people responsible for kidnapping the Princesses," James warned them. "Technically, they have to follow the laws while they're in the city and the warlocks will kill them if they push things too much but accidents happen and most of them are more than a little unhinged."

"It's the summer fair, lots of girls are going to be walking around without clothes, not just mages," Dawn argued, annoyed that the Inquisition was ruining her favorite week of the year.

"Give them a couple of days to screw up enough that the warlocks can kick them out of the city and you'll have the rest of the fair to run around without any clothes," Lily promised, hoping it didn't take that long to get rid of the fanatics.

'I really need a cheat sheet,' Sirius thought as he dug into his waffles.

Hermione continued eating, not seeing a point in complaining about something that seemed reasonable, especially when she wasn't sure what was going on.

Harry pulled his attention off Hermione's breasts and focused on eating.

Dawn glanced at the clock hanging on the wall over the stove. "How long until the ship gets here?"

Lily glanced at the clock. "Anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour, which means you need to hurry up and finish eating so you can get changed. We need to leave in twenty minutes."

Harry blinked when he saw a red haired girl wearing a short black skirt and a red silk shirt that did next to nothing to hide her large breasts. "Morning," he offered, figuring that was safe.

"Hey." Willow yawned as she walked over and sat down next to her father. "It's too early to be awake."

James gestured and sent a plate of waffles flying over to Sirius' daughter. "Are you going with Lily to pick up my cousin?"

"Yeah," Willow agreed as she started cutting up her waffle. "Celeste should be at the shop and I want to see if I can get her to imbue a card."

"If you want decent alchemists, you should get Severus's card," Lily suggested.

Willow shook her head. "I don't need a minion with command issues."

"Not to mention the casting cost isn't worth it," James pointed out.

Dawn finished her waffles, moved her chair back and stood up. "I'll be right back, don't leave without me."

Hermione watched her doppelganger or possible twin rush towards the set of circular stairs in the living room. "I should probably do the same."

Lily finished her last bite. "Don't worry, even if we're a little late, it's going to take a while for everyone to get through security."

"I'll try to hurry," Hermione promised, then headed after Dawn, hoping she could find a diary or something that would let her know what was going on.

Harry focused on eating the last of his waffle rather than watching Hermione head over to the stairs.

"Now I just have to figure out what to do with my day," Sirius mused, hoping someone would mention what he was supposed to be doing.

Lily turned to look at Sirius. "How much did you and Selena have to drink last night?"

"Apparently a bit too much," Sirius replied, wishing he had a better idea what was going on.

James laughed. "You promised Remus that you'd help him with the silver mirrors since he can't enchant them and he has a bunch of orders for the festival."

"Thanks for reminding me," Sirius replied, wishing they'd told him where the lab was or where he was supposed to find Remus.

"Best of luck with the enchanting, I need to get to the office," James said then vanished with a pop.

0o0o0

Hermione glanced at the nameplate over the door then followed her sister into their bedroom, fairly sure her sister's name was Dawn, judging by the fact that both names were on the plaque. The first thing she noticed was the bookshelves filled with leather bound books, if only because they covered most of the walls where there wasn't something else taking up the space, the next were the various posters with scantily clad witches stuck to the walls over her bookshelves and their desks that moved like wizarding posters.

Hermione glanced at the large queen sized bed with two pillows then glanced at the glass and metal computers sitting on the solid wooden desks. She paused when she glanced down at the trunk next to the computer table and saw the nameplate. 'Hermione Potter, did they adopt us or is this just a weird world?'

"Fucking Inquisition," Dawn grumbled as she pulled a blue t-shirt over her head.

"Certainly one way to ruin a party," Hermione agreed as she walked over to the large dresser where her sister was getting dressed as she didn't see a second dresser.

"Someone should set them on fire," Dawn grumbled as she grabbed a plain t-shirt, a pair of blue panties and white cargo shorts out of the dresser and tossed them to Hermione.

"I'd settle for them leaving without any trouble," Hermione said as she pulled the shirt on, not sure what else to say.

"I can't see that happening," Dawn grumbled as she grabbed a pair of panties and pulled them on. "With any luck, they'll get eaten by monsters. Have you figured out how you're going to get a decent enchanter for your deck?" she asked as she pulled a pair of shorts on that matched the ones she'd tossed Hermione.

"Not really," Hermione admitted as she finished getting dressed, wishing she knew what her sister was talking about.

"We'll figure something out," Dawn said as she headed for the door.

"Hopefully," said as she followed Dawn.

0o0o0

Harry stopped and stared when he walked out the front door of the family's tower and saw a massive metal tower in the distance with sixteen metal beams sticking out of the tower like someone had stuck two giant number signs on the tower at different heights and wielded them in place. 'They have computers, why are they using blimps? The more I see, the less I understand.'

"If we run into the Inquisition, let me answer the questions," Lily warned the children, less than happy to have the fanatics in the city.

"We know, no insults, no trouble," Dawn grumbled.

"Exactly," Lily replied as she started walking towards the gate in the wall that protected the family estate, half tempted to leave the children in the tower. 'It's four blocks, there are too many witnesses for them to cause too much trouble.'

Hermione pulled her attention off the blimps she could see in the distance and followed her family through the gate onto the street and stared at the street filled with people. She wasn't sure what was more disconcerting, the 'wall' of noise that washed over her as soon as she stepped through the arch leading to the street, the crowds filled with naked or half naked females with anime colored hair walking around looking at the various shops and generally playing tourist or the fact that at least half of them had pointed ears and had clothes or trinkets that were obviously enchanted. She stared when she saw a naked teenage girl with long blue hair that had a small rain cloud floating over her head, giving her a shower as she walked along the street. 'This is what Diagon Alley should have been, people using magic and having fun, of course most of the purebloods would have died of shock because of the nudity.'

"Looks like a good turnout," Dawn said cheerfully.

"We'll probably have less people running around outside of the mage quarter," Lily said as she headed down the street. "No wandering off, you'll have plenty of chances to look for deals later."

Harry glanced at Hermione then followed his 'mother' down the street, trying not to run into people or get separated, which was harder than it should be thanks to the various distractions, in the form of attractive girls, a smith that was comparable in size to Hagrid, the flashes and dazzling displays of the shopkeepers and the sheer amount of people wandering around.

It was almost a relief when the crowd thinned out a bit as they approached the gates or it would have been if a group of a dozen white robed men weren't arguing with the black robed mages standing next to the gate to the rest of the city.

The warlock with close cropped blue hair glared at the group of Inquisitors. "I don't give a fuck if you have a royal writ to turn over every rock in the world to find the princesses, if you cause trouble for any of the mages under my protection, I'll carve your bones with runes and teleport back to Rome so you can skull fuck your glorious and holy leader before you explode."

"Are you threatening us?" one of the Inquisitor's demanded.

The other warlock said as he pulled a silver coin out of his pocket and tossed it to the other warlock. "Shit, I figured he'd be too stupid to realize you were threatening him."

"There are apparently limits on their stupidity," the first warlock said as Lily walked closer with the group.

"Are you denying us entry?" the lead inquisitor asked, sounding almost hopeful.

"That depends, are you willing to leave your weapons in the lockbox and accept a binding on your inventory?" the warlock asked with a smirk.

"We don't use filthy heathen magic, nor are we willing to allow heathen magic to be used on us!" the leader of the group snapped.

The warlock sighed dramatically. "I'm afraid the law is quite clear, non-magic users are not permitted to carry weapons into the mage quarter without a pass and you're not getting a pass. I suggest you piss off."

"We'll take this to the Lord," the inquisitor snapped.

"He's a busy man, especially during the festival. I suggest leaving and bothering someone else or praying to your god, maybe he can fuck enough demons that one of them will actually come down here and speak on your behalf," the warlock replied smugly.

"Die!" one of the inquisitors shouted as he pulled his sword and stabbed the warlock.

The warlock smirked as the blade skittered off his enchanted robes. "Self defense!" he screamed as he gestured at the inquisitor and caused the man's bones to ignite with black fire, causing him to fall to the ground screaming as the fire burned through his flesh and roasted his insides.

The other warlock sighed as everything went to shit. "Fucking paperwork."

The leader warlock gestured and ripped the life out of the four inquisitors that pulled crossbows out of their 'holy' inventory and tried to shoot him. "At least I can honestly say they attacked me."

"Kill him!" the leader shouted as he used the power his 'god' had bestowed him and covered the warlock in 'holy' white fire.

"Is that supposed to be impressive?" the lead warlock asked as he stepped out of the flames, completely unscorched, singed or even bothered by the display of demonic magic. He conjured a sword then teleported behind the inquisitor that had tried to roast him and cut his head off. "Anyone else?" he demanded then proceeded to cut the rest of them down when they charged him.

"Fuck," Harry muttered as he watched the warlock cut the inquisitors down without hesitation or apparent effort.

'If the aurors were half this good, we wouldn't have a problem with death eaters,' Hermione mused as she watched the warlock walk around and cut their heads off.

"This is going to be a mess," the other warlock grumbled.

"Nah, we've got five witnesses that they attacked first," the warlock replied as he gestured towards Lily's group. "Besides, I doubt Lord O'Malric will give a fuck about the dead inquisitors."

"What are we supposed to do with the bodies?" the other warlock asked, knowing Amelia was going to bitch them out for making her job harder.

"I'll send the heads back to Rome." The warlock picked up the closest head. "Alas poor Yorick, I knew him well."

The other warlock stared at the mostly retired warlock that only seemed to show up when there was trouble. "What about the rest of the bodies?" he asked, knowing better than to call the man on his issues.

"Cut the bodies up and toss the remains in the sewers, I'm not feeding inquisitors to the dungeon, it might catch something and the cubes are immune to demonic corruption." He stuck the head in his inventory then walked over to talk to Lily. "Do you mind testifying if it comes up?"

"If I have to," Lily replied, fairly sure it wouldn't come up. "Do you need anything else, I have to pick someone up from the station."

"That's fine," the warlock replied, not particularly worried about Lily vanishing if they needed a statement.

"Let's go." Lily walked around the dead and continued on her way towards the station, feeling a lot better with a dozen less inquisitors in the city.

0o0o0